When my dad became violent we admitted him to a mental facility and found the drugs he was on had the reverse effect on him. They were changed in the facility as changing meds can bring on other symptoms altogether.
Yes, my father did become paranoid and in fact would not even take his meds. He became delusional, wanting to help people who he was sure existed, but surely did not.
I coaxed him carefully into the car and told him we would go help. We went to the hospital, at which point I had a complete meltdown. Seeing this dad realized he was in a hospital and suddenly, with lucidity, asked if he needed to stay there. If "I" needed him to stay there. At that point he agreed.
He has been on a few drugs, but mostly if they were changed it was done in a professional facility.
Now when he gets paranoid I give him the rispiradone and he is fine. You say these drugs should not be administered to dementia patients? I disagree. I am able to shower my dad every evening, and would not be able to do so without the medication.
Furthermore after many many sleepless nights, I had to find something to address his stenosis (severe back pain) and confusion at night that kept him awake. We also did this with medications, not pain meds, not narcotics! Not sleeping meds either, rather trazadone worked to help him sleep.
I have cared for dad for nearly 4 years at home. He can never be left alone, ever. I schedule his week with activities every day, and be sure he is engaged most all the time.
He knows who his family is, who we are, his two children and grandchildren and he knows the dog.
I am fairly sure that if he was in a home this would not be so. He wants to participate in the family and we all ask his advice all the time.
He was brilliant, my dad in his career and life. Some of that remains today, and certainly his distant past he recalls. Living with family we can help him recall much of it, and using pictures and stories we keep him in the loop of what is going on.
I could not keep him home in a violent state or completely delusional state. So I use medication prescribed by his geriatric psychiatrist, and they work, and dad is happy at home, where he is loved, and he knows it.
I am not saying it is easy to keep your loved one at home. Some can be mean spirited in life and hence in dementia as well, but this is not true of my dad.
When my dad dies, just as when my mom did, I will be able to state without doubt that I made the end of his life better. I will not live with guilt but genuine memories of our good times together.
And sometimes if your loved one is angry, it helps to honestly tell them how that makes you feel, and then ask them what you can do to help, this might mean detaching yourself emotionally, taking a step back. But after all, they were adults when you needed them to be, now they need you to be the adult.