Back taxes and refinancing to pay for care?
What you’re feeling is true: You are at a very sensitive and confusing point in taking over many of the caregiving duties for your mom.
You might also have noticed you’re at a point in which many well-meaning friends and relatives are coming forward to offer their well-meaning advice, which can often be conflicting and dead wrong—and make you feel even more confused.
My advice is to ignore their advice. The truth is that all the systems you mention: taxes, Medicaid, Social Security, VA retirement pay, and care facilities all impose their own regulations—and no one, no matter how well-meaning, can give you meaningful advice without eyeballing the specifics of your situation and having some divine knowledge about how all these systems work together.
You need help from an expert—or maybe two: a financial planner or tax expert and eldercare attorney. And the best and most targeted help in such situations usually comes from local resources. Your best first stop in locating affordable help would likely be through the local Agency on Aging. Explain your situation—and staff there should be able to give you some leads on finding the targeted help you need.
I'd ignore the "not paid taxes" thing. Most seniors stop paying taxes after they retire. For a lot of reasons: They file for a few years, realize that they don't owe any taxes so they adjust the withholding to zero and let it go at that. The government is used to that and doesn't even seem to care. Others just say, "screw it, I paid all my life and I hardly have money enough to live on, I'm not paying any more to the government. Likewise, the government seems to not care. I suspect that they have decided that it is not economically feazible to chase down seniors to get their $17 tax payment.
Ignore it. If the IRS sends you (or her) a letter, send them back a statement from the doctor showing she has alzheinmers and I suspect that she will not hear from them again.
