How do you handle angry outbursts?

Remember angry outbursts come from those who are sick, maybe cause they are frustrated, maybe they are in pain or maybe they are afraid. If you personalize this and get angry back you will only escalate the situation. You need to talk to the patient, look him/her in the eyes and explain you are trying to help, and sorry if you are in pain. It is hard to be patient, but it works both ways. When my dad gets upset, I tell him I love him and that I am only trying to help, and perhaps that I am sorry he is having a bad day. I explain that to keep walking he must remain a patient patient. YES< there are times I need to send myself to my room and take a few deep breaths. But at first, before I understood all this, I tried to confront him, later I thought, how would I feel if I was him. PLUS confronting him landed him in the psych unit, but that happened once, now I know, patience works both ways. annie

LoreeS

about 1 month ago

When I notice the first signs of Mom getting agitated, I turn on The Golden Girls. I always keep a bunch on the DVR and it's been a life saver! Within 30 minutes, Mom is calmed down - it's never failed so far.

LoreeS

about 1 month ago

One of the tricks I've learned with Mom, if I notice she's starting to get agitated, I'll turn on The Golden Girls - that always seems to calm her down. Within 30 minutes or so, the anger/agitation passes. Thank goodness for the DVR - don't know what I would do without The Golden Girls! It's been a life saver!

Stu

2 months ago

I find my Mom's angry behaviors usually revolves around a confused thought... like needing to get home to her parents or caring for someone she cared for 20 -30 years ago. I usually tell her I am doing the task she is worried about. Sometimes encouraging her to take a nap or slow down her breathing will help. Another thing that sometimes works is to distract her with a song or other activity she likes. Trying to reason with her or getting angry with her never work. "Therapeutic fibbing" is a technique I have learned and it avoids lots of conflict.

gropinginthe­dark

3 months ago

Daizie, I got your "hug" and further bit of input, but when i tried to reply, the program wouldn't SEND, so i thought i would put it here... . . Thank you! :) They become like a child again, but don't want to be treated like one. . . so true. . . and what adult DOES? One of the sites mentioned that the brain is diminishing, but not the emotions. . . and THAT is the predicatment we find ourselves in, huh? Thank you for your hug and inspiration! God Bless You! :)

Daizie

3 months ago

As hard as it is; I am learning now to give Mom a kiss on the forehead and say I love you and leave. I can hear her hollering all the way to the elevator but I leave. The nurses in the assisted living memory care unit and the nurses at the rehab both told me this is the best way to handle her outbursts. If I do call back to check on her; they tell me she is enjoying a movie or eating her dinner or recreation. She's fine. I was the one still upset. My therapist is also now telling me remember, this is a disease and at that time; she is a totally different person than Mom.

gropinginthe­dark

3 months ago

Octoman, i see you posted your comment about two years ago, but i just read it this morning. And you have inspired me. You have attained wisdom and character the hard way, but you are levels above so many of us who still "fight the issues". Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. THank you for rearranging my way of thinking. I hope you are doing well. God bless you.!

Annalyn

3 months ago

I usually do not flare back at my husband, but I do confront him in a stern voice telling him to calm down and repeatedly asking what is the problem until he begins to falter and then I try to change the subject or bring up memories. If he threats to become physical I tell him to back of and that he better not hit me. ususally he doesn't realize what he is doing and then he will back off. then I tell him I will turn the tea water on and I need some fresh air. The scary scene is when he flips while we are in the car...

Emily M.

6 months ago

Hi Daizie, Thank you for your question. Here is an Ask & Answer page that you may find helpful: ( http://www.caring.com/questions/how-to-deal-with-angry-outbursts-from-elderly ). Take care -- Emily | Community Manager

Daizie

6 months ago

How should we handle this? I do end up shouting back. Mom will slide in sarcastic remarks, then say I know where i stand, you don't love me you are only using me. or I WILL NEVER FORGET OR FORGIVE you for putting me into this place (rehab since she broke her hip and got a new one) How do you handle it? The one nurse heard her and came to get me out of the room. She went get your things and leave now; she will be okay, you are the daughter, you are the ONLY one she can take her frustrations out on, Leave. Tough Love. I tried to get my stuff in the room and she burst into tears saying Don't leave, stay. okay if you talk to me like a human being. okay, 2 minutes later; here we go again. That time the nurse came and picked up my stuff and shuffled me out to the hall. She went now you have to go D/S and sit in the patio or the den, relax, breathe, visit others before getting into your car, I don't want to have to come take care of you too. I do realize that I can take this from other patients with a shrug but I cannot take it from my own Mother. The nurses told me the same thing. Some were hospice nurses and I asked How do you do it. They are strangers not my own family.

octoman

over 2 years ago

Angry outbursts I dont handle them my cancer does it for me! I have a stomach cancer. If I get angry it punishes me. It gives me unbeareable pain which lasts for days .nothing eases this pain. So cancer has made a lovely person. before cancer took me over.I was a nasty tempered pain,to me and every body else,even I did not like me. Now because of my beloved cancer I have found out to never rush,do things in slow motion if I do start getting impatient,control your breathing pretend you have cigarette and inhale deeply and slowly exhale is wonderful therapy if you can do all this without a cancer to help you you have got it made.from Saintly Ken.bless you all.Grrr ouch!