Linda Shinn

Member since April 18, 2008
1 Comments

Bio

I am close to 60 yrs. old, married and took care of both of my elderly parents about 5 t0 10 yrs. ago, when they both had congestive heart failure.Now, my husband and daughter and I live out of state, but are dealing with his father, mother, and her brother, who are all around 80 or older and developing health issues. As, my own mother used to say, "At my age, it isn;t an "IF, something happens to Mom.", but a "When something happens." And, I think that is a good way for both children and parents to think about these issues, is, that, unless, as happened with two friends of mine, whose 50ish mothers, who were smokers, both, simply said they didn't feel well, and wanted to go lie down, and when someone went to check on them, they were "gone", with most people and and their parents, it is a long, hard, road, that can drag on for years, before there is an "end", to the suffering of the parent and a "load" lifted off of the shoulders of the children. But, then, often, it is surprising the amount of grief, over, relationships that were often less than perfect, and also, it can be like when the electricity is off, and you keep finding yourself "flipping a switch". I used to call my parents up regularly, when there were things going on with the kids, etc. I would be ready to make the call, and then have it "hit" me, that I couldn't. They were gone, and I would never be able to call them up and talk to them ever again. They have been there, as a big part of your life for your "entire" life, always. To get used to the idea, when for maybe sixty years of your life, and in reality "always", they have "been" there, is a challenge. But, at the same time there is a relief that, they are not longer suffering. And, you are no longer dealing with, finding it so hard to be around them and to see them suffer, or see them bicker and argue with everyone, but at the same time, if you don't go, and spend time with them, you then feel very guilty. I have always had difficulties with depression, and found that spending time with them, often made that worse. But, I felt tremendous guilt if I didn't spend time with them. It was a balancing act, that I never felt that I got "right". You always second guess yourself on things you do, as to whether it could have and should have been done differently. But, once it is done, it is done, and you have to be able to let go of it, and move on with your life. Now that we are dealing with these same issues with my husband's parents, I dread not knowing what will happen, or how bad it will get.

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