KellyE6845

Member since February 26, 2009
3 Hugs & Prayers Received, 1 Answers

Bio

Hello !! I'm SO incredibly happy I found this website, and to think it was only by accident. I'm 24 years old from N.J. I'm a single mother to a 5 year old little boy, a full time admin. assistant, and recently accepted to R.N. school. My father passed away in Sept. 07' of Congestive Heart Failure. He was in N.M. and passed away in a hospice with his sister by his side during the whole process. Unfortunately, I did not get out to see him during that time - but Ihad comfort in knowing that the nurses and caregivers made him very comfortable.

Unfortunately - in March of 08' my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer that had metastisized to her liver, stomach, and left adrenile gland. It was immediately decided that surgery was not an option, and she began the long struggle of Chemotherapy. In Sept/Oct after a CTScan we found it left her liver and stomach, but had grown in her pancreas. As if enough wasn't enough, in January she accidently overdosed on Dilaudid and during the 5 minutes someone wasn't around, found the 3rd set of car keys she had hid and took off to her DR's apt - got into a car accident and landed in the E.R. She was extremely dehydrated and the overdose had taken a toll - and after another CTScan we found it had spread to her lungs, and grew significantly in the pancreas again. After 2 weeks in the hospital, the doctors agreed that chemotherapy was NOT an option anymore as after a while it becomes a quality of life issue. She was placed in Hospice however since there was no changes immediately and she had a strong desire to come home, we brought her home 2 weeks ago. Myself and my fiance are taking care of her with the help of home health aides 2 hours a day and a nurse 1 hour twice a week. It is around the clock care and very difficult, but I think any one of us would do it for our mothers if we could.

Ihave a brother who is not much help at all, seeing as he owns his own business, has 2 young children, and lives 2 hours away. Family and friends help as much as they can but I can't help but feel the situation is left in my hands and no matter how hard Itry, I constantly question if I'm doing enough or if I'm doing it well enough. I have had to go over the discussion with my mother that this is the end of life several times - all with tears and cries from her that she doesn't want to leave me, I'm too young and there is still so much she has to teach me. It breaks me heart time after time. Although she is aware that when it gets towards the end she'll be put back into a hospital, Iknow she dreads that day & I dread wondering if each day with her is my last.

Any help, suggestions, comfort - it would all be fabulous. My boyfriend is a huge help for me, but it's different then having encouragement from those that have gone through the same situations. I hope to be able to help others also with any advice I can give from my struggles!!!

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