6 Steps to Organizing Your Parent's Move (Without Getting Disowned)

6 Steps to Organizing Your Parent's Move (Without Getting Disowned)
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over 6 years, said...

This has all been very helpful as I am trying to plan a move for my father from one state to another to live with me. It's hard trying to put all the pieces together and know what to do first and how to put things in perspective.


over 7 years, said...

I am a relatively recent widow - my husband died very suddenly (18 months ago) with no warning as he was not ill at all. Because I am relatively young (only 70) I am still living in our home. However, because I have several chronic lung conditions I know that my time for a senior living facility will be sooner than for others. I have also see the real trauma other elderly relatives have gone through in downsizing, and it wasn't pretty. So I am doing the downsizing now while I can make these decisions about stuff myself. I am dividing up pictures and books and mementos for my kids. I also realize that when the time comes I will still need to get rid of stuff once again. But if I can make a huge dent in the amount of my possessions, it will be easier on everyone. The attic is now basically empty, and I will just continue to whittle away at stuff. But it will be my decision for all of this.


over 7 years, said...

For the young lady with the abusive father below....I was reading this article on this site which had some good tips on talking to dad: https://www.caring.com/articles/difficult-conversations-with-seniors. Scroll down inside the article, if Dad resists and is a danger to himself, then perhaps other measures need to be taken: Total resistance means it's time for a third party (not the adult child) to try, Robbins says. "This conversation may need to be more direct," he says. "It may have to include a discussion of the risks and the possibility that if they don't voluntarily yield, say, their driver's license or residence -- there is a risk that others will take over because of the dangers involved, and then they may have less say in what comes next. They can be told it's better to work on it voluntarily with someone who loves them and only wants to help them get what they need." If the issue is critical and the person still won't make a safe choice, it may be time to get a family doctor and lawyer involved to evaluate competency and, if appropriate, activate a power of attorney or appoint a guardian who can make safe choices on the person's behalf. See How to Make Difficult Decisions When Your Loved One's Mental Capacity Is Failing here: https://www.caring.com/articles/geriatric-experts-advice-how-to-make-difficult-decisions


over 7 years, said...

What do I do with my Dad?? He will fight it all the way. My Father is a drink and having that drink BEFORE noon is a must have. He gets so drunk he falls talks dirty to me his daughter. How can a very abusive ((,mentally) He sits on the deck for hours in the heat drinks his beer than eats naps and wAkes up depressec.. Im lost as to what to do he also has a lot of memory problems. Dementia


almost 8 years, said...

Lisa, I love your point about packing way in advance and going room by room. It seems like moving your parents out of their home could be a sensitive thing to do. I would also assume that hiring a professional moving company could also help, especially if there are heavy items like furniture.


almost 8 years, said...

The first thing that stood out to me in this blog post was when you talked about thinking twice before sorting through and throwing out a family member’s items when they are not around. When I am approached to help clean my mother’s house, I have definitely been a culprit of throwing things out without her approval because they did not seem important to me and I wanted to get things cleaned for her, but I will definitely think twice about this now! I also liked when you talked about thinking of the moving process long-term and not all at once, that makes the process doable with time and smaller tasks. I love the idea of taking a photo of the item a family member might not want to keep so they still have the sentimental value and are able to throw away the item. Here is my tip: I heard a great tip from Oprah for downsizing utensils. She suggested putting all your utensils in a box. As you use them, take them out of the box and put them away in your drawers. After one month, take all the utensils that are still in the box and haven’t been used, and dispose of them. What do you think? Thanks for the great tips!


over 8 years, said...

When my mom dies and I have to get rid of all the complete junk she has held onto for decades, I am going to literally HATE her for leaving me to do this alone. Trust me, your children will have enough to do with their own lives when you die. Go through your crap now and get rid of things you don't need. Don't leave them with this burden. You might think they will have fond memories of things as they go through them, but it is far more likely they are just going to throw away everything or pay someone to get rid of it for them.


about 9 years, said...

Good article. Gives me things to do and think about while preparing for the move. There will not be any arguements because Ii will already have made my decisions. I just need their help in moving.


about 9 years, said...

I am considering a move into an indendent living facility. My children WILL NOT tell me what I can and cannot move. I am of sound mind and can make my own decisions, (I'm beginning the weeding process now before I have decided on a plce to live). I am moving only because it will be more convenient for them if/when I get sick/die. They live in one stat while I live in another.


about 9 years, said...

I loved all of the content. I think the initial reaction is to move quickly. This gives me a way to plan and absolutely love the room by room approach. Thank you.


about 9 years, said...

My memories of all the things I lost in my last move HURT! BUT it was a matter of moving or not...I am now living in FL and will soon have a home in an assisted living faculty hopefully...I moved from NE Iowa to central FL.


over 10 years, said...

I not sure what I need, a place to live a way to pay for it, and a life, I know it's not much, but I don't have the required experience to do it right. I have been down before but wish to move on to better things(I am 60) been run over last year, almost recovered but am running out of time. I have tried (ADRC) but have not followed up on it. I called but was a busy day and could not get through


about 11 years, said...

Regarding reducing your acquistions, getting fair value depends on where you are located, like CA versus Iowa, and if there is still a market for your particular item(s), AND if anyone else who collects it is willing to pay what you want. Sorry to be so negative, but I've been in the business since the 70s, and this is the worst I've ever seen it. I belong to a large antiques dealer community on the east coast, small end to upscale, and we rarely buy from individuals anymore unless WE can get a very good deal. Instead, we go to auctions for our stock,. Forget using Ebay unless you have tons of time and can take a chance on an item going too cheap. . It IS a good place to see if your particular collectible is really in demand anymore, tho. See if anyone else's Roseville or First Edition Cross Creek or whatever is getting any bids, and what it sells for. As for consignment shops, owners report most items just sit and gather dust these days because sellers price it too high, but this depends on the location, too. We do have an acquaintance who does flea markets in CA, and he often buys his stock from people who need money but don't have time or the will to sell off a lifetime collection of 1920s cookie jars or Civil War tintypes.. He offers a quick fair cash price for large collections. Some dealers will do this if there are outstanding pieces among the mediocre. Bear in mind we are all In Business, and we can't possibly give someone anywhere near market value, even at today's lousy prices. Our stock isn't turning over, and none of us feel this is going to change for at least another five to ten years. Civil War quilts I bought for $200 in 1995 are not getting $45, even the unusual ones in mint condition. I can't give away small Occupied Japan, and Depressionware sits on the shelves. If you have truly incredible pieces, like Jumeau dolls or native american trading post blankets, then seek out the big auction houses like Skinner's, and get their opinion about value. For small items, look for collector clubs or small online auctions. And please bear in mind, most buyers want a good deal, and these days, they can usually find one. Please be flexible about your "maximum price" so that everyone is happy and your acquisitions find homes where they are appreciated and enjoyed.


about 11 years, said...

As I begin to reduce my life's acquisitions, I want to know how to sell the genuinely valuable off for the maximum price. I'm not talking about sentimental value, but small things that sold for a good buck back then, and are still on the market for a good buck. How do I get a fair (not original) price for them?


about 11 years, said...

Thanks for the article, but I think three-four months is not realistic in many cases. My mom can't let go of anything. It has been an exasperating three-year ordeal to separate the sentimental from the monetary valuable from the junk, so that a move can happen to a smaller home near my sister.. My frail mom lives in an old two-story house that is unsafe for her to negotiate because of the clutter and stairs, but clings to it. My siblings and I have bad memories of the place, and have never considered it "home," therefore we are not as neutral as we should be. While respecting her feelings about 12 rooms of personal property, how the H do you get a mentally fit person to admit it's time to consider a smaller, safer place? All siblings and grandchildren live and work over an hour away, and, constantly take turns staying with her but the grands would like to spend some time with their friends and dating,. These "kids" are not selfish, and have given up a lot to make sure their Gramma is safe in her own home. As they get older and have more responsibilties of their own, I find myself getting irritated with Gramma's stalling. I will check the article you recommended for 1222, who had the same problem.


over 11 years, said...

I am ignorant concerning these matters. This was helpful.


almost 12 years, said...

The recommendation to allow time for the person moving to sort through belongings, and to begin early -- months before -- shows respect for the person's feelings as well as a practical aspectof moving.


over 12 years, said...

To have a clear summary of the steps involved in the down-sizing decision making to pass on to an alert 83 y.o widower contemplating a likely move to a studio apartment.


almost 13 years, said...

When I was trying to persuade Mom to come; I told it that it may take a whole year to finally bring everything or store what could not come.


almost 13 years, said...

This will be helpful information when it is time to move my mom.


almost 13 years, said...

This article will be very helpful when we move mom into assisted living.


almost 13 years, said...

Hi 1222, thanks for your comment. Here's a Dear Family Advisor post that may help to answer your question about how to deal with parent's who refuse to move: (http://www.caring.com/blogs/dear-family-advisor/parents-with-dementia-refuse-to-move). I hope that helps. Good luck with your parents -- Emily


about 13 years, said...

my mom and dad donot want to leave thier home even throw they can not take of thier self, but they cnat He cant hear, she has congested heart, need hands on for ( meds, bath some meals ) they cant drive. We tell them they can move in with us (son and wife ) they still say they can take care of them self. By law, is there anything we can do to get them to move in with us. Need help


almost 14 years, said...

thoughtful article for our aging relatives.