8 Red Flags That an Alzheimer's Caregiver Needs a Break

8 Red Flags That an Alzheimer's Caregiver Needs a Break
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over 7 years, said...

Ive answered almost all but 2 of the questions. My husband has dementia, repeats himself 15xs, doesnt remember what happened yesterday. Im much younger, hes 93 and I dont have family or friends where I live. I quit my position I had for 8 years to care for him. having a caregiver come in the house is to pricey. Its only a matter of time before I put him in a nursing home. Im overwhelmed, have not 3 minutes for myself. Its beyond exhausting and people just dont understand. They ask about him, but no one asks how Im coping.


about 8 years, said...

hi im a 23 year old 2nd time caregiver for my elderly grandmother who has dementia. my first time being a full time caregiver was for my mother who died of melenoma in 2013 this is the second time ive been placed in the role of full time caregiver. my gram was diagnosed almost a year ago with dementia and she reached the stage that she could no longer be alone earlier this year , before her companion an older man was keeping an eye on her. she is my fathers mother and my father , my younger brother ( who no longer lives with us ) and I are whats left of her immediate family. my dad tried to get her to go into assisted living, she wouldnt, and she had made my father promise her that he would never put her in a home and she didnt want someone to come and stay with her at her house. i was in community college learning how to be a massage therapist when my father told me that she would be moving in with us and then he asked me to take care of her, i didnt have much of a choice so i said i would and he said he would pay me monthly. i quit school i had screwed up one of my classes and would've had to take the years course all over again on top of clinic which would not have worked out with me taking care of gram. she moved in in august and i decided not to go back to school, i now care for her full time so my father can work to pay the bills. i get rare days where grams compainon will take her so my father and i can get things done around the house that we wouldnt have been able to do with her there. i rarely get to se my friends who are thankfully very understanding and have yet to decide that im not worth their time anymore. i havent been to the doctor since before my mother passed and my cycle is so irregular from the stress that i go months without my "Friend" visiting, ive gained weight, i snap at my father who gets pissed and stars yelling at me and .i get so frustrated at gram that i literlly have to bite my hand to keep from losing my shit on her out of aggervation. I know i am depressed but ive reached a point that on the many rides that i take gram on to entertain her that i had a calm casual thought about plowing my car into a tree and just ending it all. it happened again the other day when i was doing dishes and was washing a knife and i thought again, just completely calm rational though of pressing the knife to my skin until i bled. i dont know what to do anymore dad hates when i leave him alone with gram to take a few hours for my sanity. and then i feel guilty for needing a moment to myself even though i know that i need it. i feel like im losing my mind and im just emotinally dead much of the time now. any advice from anyone who feels this way?


over 8 years, said...

my mom has dementia. I take care of her. I love my mom but she isdriving me crazy. she forgets every ten mins. and then repeats herself. I get so frustrated. what can I do


about 9 years, said...

The wrong behavior is deployed in our time because doing the right thing is complicated and .... Hard work. I care for my 95 year old grandmother 7 days a week 15 hours a day 105 hours a week. I have now become a much different human than I once was. Anger, disappointment , loneliness and darkness are my new companions . Of all the things I've lost I miss my faith in people most.


over 9 years, said...

This is pretty scarey. I answered "yes" to all but one question...I don't get colds frequently. I have the job of caregiving of which I am totally unqualified physically, mentally, emotionally or professionally. I have no nursing skills whatsoever. I vomit at the sight of it, blood or other body fluids. And yet, here I am caring for my elderly husband (15 years my senior). I have no family to help, no friends or support (church and friends all went away a year ago). But for my faith in a loving God to sustain me, I would have cratered years ago, and even so, there are days when I am certain I will. There's a lesson here to be learned. I hope I'm learning it.


over 9 years, said...

This web site is very helpful. At first I learned much more about symptomms of dementia and what to expect. I do not reach out, but I read the newletter when it shows up on my account. I get a lot of info that doctors never provide (lack of time, interest?). As for my own situation being back in Europe my friends are on the other side. I can't get away. I have been taking care of my mother now since September 1995, but it gets harder as she is now in a world of imagination and she really has nasty feelings towards me.;;however, I have now a dog for the past five years and since I do not live far from her I go in the morning and again in the evening, then I return to my own place. I do have a lot of the symptoms of stress and depression. I do not have any projects, I live on a day to day basis, and have no motivation for very much. However, having my dog with me is the best thing I can do for me at the moment. I have lots of anger and also guilt feelings when I get mad at her. I also worry that I could be mistreating her and it is a scary feeling. But I take it one day at the time. My sister and niece do not go to see her; once in a while we go to her place for lunch, but since she sees them in her hallucinations it does not bother her. Any way thank you for all the advice and the information I get from your site.


over 9 years, said...

All sounds good advise for some but NOT for ALL! It has been 4 yrs plus and burnout yes today and all the days and nights before. Life is adjusted for your spouse or love one not YOU. When to get a break if you are one of MANY who also WORK full time or part time and addition to Keeping things afloat. This economy DOESNOT HELP! Dept of aging is overwhelmed with others. Never was on welfare and when you need help you can't or( middle Class) are put through so much paper work that what do they want you to do give up well that is not an option. God Bless Many Hugs to ALL of YOU are doing what I am what I am and then some!


almost 10 years, said...

Hello, Thank you for sharing your caregiving experiences with this thread. I am sorry to hear of the challenges you are facing. The article: "How to Pay for In-Home Care": http://www.caring.com/articles/pay-for-in-home-care may be helpful in finding affordable care so that you can take a break. If I can assist you with additional resources, please let me know.


almost 10 years, said...

Caring for spouse with Lewy Body Dementia. He was dx about 4 yrs ago ( pretty sure there were symptoms much earlier) . I am on duty 24/7 feeling trapped,know that I am headed for burn out - am taking steps to get more help in home or day care (or both). He resents the whole idea of help (wondering why I even mentioned it to him). Either way, paying for help is expensive, those financially well off can handle it - those without have many options---it is the middle income group that takes the hit (as usual).


about 10 years, said...

Was not sure how to go about asking, but how, when and how do other caregivers get it take breaks? Just wondering as it not easy.


about 10 years, said...

I guess I really need a break, but not possible.


over 10 years, said...

I've had many of the symptoms listed here and though I don't get much more help, I've learned to let thing go that are not critical to Mom's care... Thanks for the great advise and insight. As always, Love, hugs and prayers of peace to all of us on this journey... Roger


over 10 years, said...

A lot of these questions I had to answer yes to. My mother has Alzheimer's but she is still aware of people around her. My family helps out, but their busy schedules frequently interfere with my "night off". My mother is aware of who is around her and she will not accept a care giver who could come and stay for the day, and she would *never* stay at an Alzheimer's day care. In her mind, she doesn't have a problem--she is perfectly normal. We live in my Mom's home to take care of her. When I do get to go out for the evening she is angry when I get home. She thinks I've been gone all day when it's only been an couple of hours.


over 10 years, said...

this is my life now. Very accurate observations and assessment.


almost 11 years, said...

My father-in-law has lived with my husband and I for 7 years with no break from his sister. It has taken a toll on my marriage to the point I have moved out..has anyone else experienced this. Any suggestions. I feel resentment and anger towards my husband, and family.


almost 11 years, said...

This helped me to know that I'm doing okay but also helped me to know what to be aware of.


over 11 years, said...

As sole caregiver to a parent with Alzheimer's, I can definitely relate to the 'red flags' of burn-out. This is an insidious disease that not only tortures the victim, but the victim's family. One thing that I have found helpful is keeping a sense of humor --- even a wicked one. It's how I attempt to cope with such a situation. I've also written a book called Dunwoody Journal: Reflections on Alzheimer's, Mid-Life Obscurity and Everyday Madness. Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble.com as well as through other book sellers, it is my story and how I try to keep my own grip on sanity. If you understand the bleakness of this disease, and need to truly let off steam, take a look at it. Writing it probably saved my sanity --- at least for today.


almost 12 years, said...

Hello "imapepper," and others. Thanks for all the great comments on this topic! Online support groups are another place on Caring.com where you can have discussions like this one. The support group platform is more robust than the blog comments section, and you can also start new groups if you don't see one that fits your specific needs or interests: http://www.caring.com/support-groups (Copy and paste the URL into your web browser) Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions (via blue Feedback tab on right margin of this page, or the Contact us link at bottom of the page). Thanks!


almost 12 years, said...

Although I lost my partner last November, I still want to share some insites. He had vascular dementia related to diabetes. He was married for 32 yrs and cared for his (then) wife for 6 yrs. She had lung cancer turning into brain cancer, which finally took her life. He was diagnosed with diabetes during that time, but as a caregiver, he did not take care of his own health for a long period of time. When we became a couple, I learned as much as I could about diabetes and took over making him eat healthy and take his meds, etc. However, it was too late. He was already in the clutches (transparent to us at the time) of the big "D." Within 4 yrs of our partnership, he was diagnosed with brain atrophy and over the next 3 yrs symptoms and actions indicated advancing "D." I moved him from FL, his favorite place to live after we were together, back to PA where he could be near his family. For the next 5 yrs I took care of him as he declined in health and functionality. His family was extremely grateful that I was with him, but they "did not have the time" to help. I finally made the decision to have him taken care of in a facility that served the Alzheimer/Dementia population. His family was supportive of that also. In the meantime, for the last 5 yrs of my being his 24/7 caregiver, changing diapers, feeding, cajoling to take meds, bathing, shaving, haircuts, etc., I neglected my own health. As my health declined, it was very apparent that he needed to be where he could be taken care of by professionals. I want to tell you all that it is extremely important that you do not say "I will never put (my loved one) in a home." What you must understand is that no matter how you feel, or the pressure from those around who would think and say that you are terrible, then turn the job over to them - and see how far that goes. YOU have to look after YOU. I was able to begin to get my health back, I could see him 24/7 and the staff assigned to the "A & D" unit knows what they are doing. When I would visit him, he would come down the hall and know who I was and that I was there to see him - with a big smile, and although he could no longer put words together, he loved me and held my hands and kissed me and looked at me with sweetness. The last few weeks before taking him to his new "home" he was difficult, uncooperative, and at times very physical with resistance to help. Of course I was not trained in psychology and no matter how much I read and heard about how to be a caregiver, YOU CANNOT DO IT FOREVER WITHOUT DIRE OUTCOME TO YOUR HEALTH AND WELLBEING. No matter how much you think love (for parent or spouse) will see you through and you will be able to handle everything, go visit an A & D unit in your area, and talk with the 'visitors', meaning the family members who were the caregivers, and listen to what they have to say about how their lives are now. I know I did everything in my power to keep him at home as long as I could and until I knew that his quality of life would be improved by letting him be where they kept him busy. There is enough staff to always have someone close by, and these professionals are unbelieveable in their caring and loving words and actions with the patients. I know what all of you are going through, I have been there. I am now caring for my 96 yr young mother, who is healthier than I am at the moment, and I am being the little "Big Sister" to my older sister (73) whose husband (76) has just been diagnosed with A. I hope I can help her, but she is determined that she will "never" let anyone else take care of him. All I can do is support what she believes and hope that she makes good decisions as life marches on. I don't want to lose her to health issues because she has promised him she would never let him go anywhere else but home. The stress is already showing. I just need to be there for her. Best wishes to those that are caregivers, and know that you have a special angel on your shoulders helping you. Take your strength from whatever source you find it, and don't be afraid to make that difficult decision. Bless all of you that are going through this terrible trial. Don't be afraid to use all resources you can to get help. Even if your partner (or parent) becomes nasty, it only lasts for a short time, and they "forget." Then you move on. You can and should make your life better, and theirs also, by making the hard decisions and knowing that in the long run it is OK.


almost 12 years, said...

I agree with most of it ,except the part where it says that one should not try to take on the care alone. My family WILL NOT help me. My mother has a strained relationship with everyone in the family and they are more than happy to have me be the sole caregiver. THey only want to be notified when she is no longer with us so that they can collect their share of her estate.


about 12 years, said...

There were a few points that I never took time to think about much. I am not a family member of the person I am a caregiver for. I am a live in supporter/caregiver. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of myself from the standpoint of the articles applying to me because of my non-family standing. I have become very close to my patient over the years of being here doing what I do in this field. I originally signed up with Caring.com because I felt that I could see the start of Alzheimer's that I had seen with my own parents before they passed away. I can equate with being a "family member" through the experiences I had with my parents. Thank you for all the work and research you people have done to help people care for those who can no longer care for themselves alone.


about 12 years, said...

Some better advice for venting out. Join a workout club that offers Cardio machines, jazzuci, Zumba, and weight machines. I got my physical done for $20 at the club and was suggested to get my blood pressure and weight down. After 2 years as a live-in Caregiver for a married couple of Dementia and Alzeheimers. I never took much time off and if i did, It did some good, but the Depressions and feeling exhausted just didn't go away. And living in Alaska with little daylight and less sunshine topped off even more bad symptoms. Joining this club makes make feel so re-juvinated, and meeting fesh new faces young and old. This is the best remedy i gave for myself and decided on my own to get going. And making plans like to go to a theatre for entertainment, just staying active and getting outdoors gives me a good jump start.


over 12 years, said...

Right now I am furious. I tried for 45 minutes to help my husband get up for breakfast. He was silly, pulled the covers up, and just would not get up. He did this yesterday (and was successful- so we missed going to the day care for Alzheimer's patients again) and in fact is difficult on most mornings. I left the room, as I was tired from trying to convince him to walk 10 feet to the table where I had left his breakfast on a tray.


over 12 years, said...

I knew these things were signs of being streesed, tired and cranky, but it helps seeing it in writing for some reason. Great article. Good Information. My husband stresses the need for us to get away for a few days every 6-8 weeks and have some quiet time to ourself. We are caregivers for my Mother at our home. It has been hard the last 3 1/2 years but we have adjusted fairly well. Still learning how to deal with everything and work a full time stressful challenging job also. i only have one sister to assist me with family help! It is hard work but we will get thru it! We will keep her at our home until it becomes impossible to handle. I just have to bite my tongue a lot and think but not say things that might would hurt her feelings even though she forgets 3 minutes later I still do not want to hurt her feelings ever! It is hard being the parent instead of the daughter! She calls me Mama sometimes jokingly and laughs but it has become not so funny! Guess I am too bossy! Probably!


over 12 years, said...

Hi anonymous, Thanks for your comment. While this article says "parents" a lot of the information can also pertain to those caring for their spouses. Take care -- Emily | Community Manager


over 12 years, said...

It's not a parent that I am with it's a spouse that has dementia! Some of the questions pertain to me. My husband is not bedridden or anything like that ! But he has problems that causes me stress !He can not be trusted to buy anything, cannot go anywhere by himself because he's gotten lost a few times, he asks the same things over and over again,can't match his clothes anymore and sometimes has to be told to take a bath. He complains about his underwear(he says they don't fit him right) and I have changed brands several times and he still complains. He complains about his shampoo (to him his hair feels stiff) and I've bought him several different brands. I've been accused of buying me expensive shampoo and him cheap shampoo. And he constantly complained about his disposable razors that he's used for years. They no longer have the exact razors he's use to and i would tell him that . Finally one day I said you go in with me and pick out the razors and shampoo you want.He did but still complained about his razors. I went to the store and bought him one of those Pro-glide razors and so far he loves it. Things upset him that probably wouldn't have before dementia. I just try not to tell him anything that will get him going. Really it's almost like living in a marriage by yourself. My kids think I need something for stress but i don't want to be on anything that you have to taper off of after a few months. A few months wouldn't solve my problem anyway. It would be back when I got off meds.


over 12 years, said...

it only addresses dealing with parents- what about spouses? It may be even more difficult to watch a partner decline. In a second marriage the spouse's children may not be very helpful.


over 12 years, said...

This article does a great job identifying most of the "symptoms" of caregiver burn-out. Caregiver burn-out also occurs in caregivers whose parents are already in a nursing home or assisted living center. In this scenario, the caregiver can become obsessed with their parent's care due to many other factors not listed in this article, such as a lack of the most basic care, which often lands your parent in the hospital risking the loss of their life or just the loss of their bed at the nursing home. (My mother was moved 7 times in 6 months and that was almost as stressful as the endless nights at the hospital as she went through kidney dialysis that could have been prevented with good hydration and adequate peri-care.) If you are this boat, as I am, it helps to ask questions. Make sure the nurse's aides, nursing staff, physicians, and administrator are aware of the problems as they occur. Persist and re-iterate those problems at quarterly care-plan meetings, and document every major incident (hospitalizations, falls, failure to keep your parent adequately hydrated and clean). Sure, you can be nice about it, which goes back to "Asking questions" instead of "making accusations." After 11 months of repeatedly dealing with my mother's basic care issues, the nursing home staff and administrator finally "gets" it. At this point, the caregiver can and must take a break. Just try NOT to feel guilty if you take a couple of weeks off. It will clear your head and make you even more effective as your parent's liaison. Blessings to anyone who remains diligent caring for their loved one during this very long, painful, and arduous journey. CURE DEMENTIA!


over 12 years, said...

I try so hard to keep going with my husband's care. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for 10 yrs. now. He's 73 and I'm 69. I feel "trapped" because he absolutely won't go to day care, which he's eligible for and could go up to 3X weekly. He also doesn't want to have anyone come to our home for care. I mean, he absolutely goes berserk at either one of these things that could give me a much needed break. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. He seems to get worse almost every week now. He can't do anything at all and basically sits in his easy chair most of the day. I still encourage him to go out with me...because if he doesn't go, I cant do errands or grocery shopping or anything because he can not be left on his own. This is absolutely the worst disease for the caregiver. The patient doesn't seem to even know there's anything wrong...so they seem oblivious to it all and have their own world that they are in. Before I came onto the Caring.com site, I was extremely lonely. My hubby and I used to chat a lot....but for the past few years, he barely speaks and if he does it's sadly "tossed salad" that is so hard to get a grasp on anything he says. I feel like I'm in mourning for my dear husband I used to have. I miss him so much. Now I have the equivalent of what I recall a 4 year old child was like. It seems so strange to have a mate that is 4, in a 73 year old body! I never expected to be like a Mom at the age of 69 to my Alzheimer husband. I know he can't help it ....it's a dastardly disease that is a Monster, robbing him and me of any sort of life to be enjoyed. I hope I survive this without succumbing to a deep depression...then his disease will have claimed 2 victims. I wish I could be more positive....but, it is getting very hard.


over 12 years, said...

after shopping at the jewel it is a challenge to find everything he has put away in a flash. i purchased a small bottle of new perfume and could not find it he has a way of really putting things away hay i found it it was placed next to my vanilla extract next to my baking needs who would have thought


over 12 years, said...

I am batting 85% on all the above. Not only my father but my mother and father-in-law. Need a 5 min (all i can spare) de-stress therapy.


almost 13 years, said...

OH boy, this is so true; the frog in the boiling water really says it for me. We have a guardian that doesn't give a damn about how we are, our well being or for that matter mom's well-being. We are desperate for a break and he is not helping us work out the arrangements for one.


almost 13 years, said...

I'm definitely feeling the stress and my body is giving me plenty of signals. I found this very helpful. I have to find help. I worry too much.


almost 13 years, said...

Nice list of signs of caregiver stress. Caregiver stress can be one of the most challenging and insidious problems in caregiving. Thanks for this concise list. The Knitting Dr http://caregivingwithpurpose.com


almost 13 years, said...

My mother was recently dx with alzheimer. I'm so angry. I cant sleep well. I'm not longer talk to my sibblings because they both refused to help me with our mom. I need a break....


almost 13 years, said...

Hi little, Thanks for your comment. It's wonderful that you are looking out for your dad, but your situation can be a difficult one as you have already pointed out. If you'd like you can post your question in our Ask & Answer section, here: ( http://www.caring.com/ask ). I hope that helps. I wish you the best of luck -- Emily | Community Manager


almost 13 years, said...

Ok this confirms what I have been seeing my father go through caring for my mother but how do I tell him without getting him upset with me? I have already offered to help out anyway I can?


about 13 years, said...

My physical and emotional state neatly condensed into three pages! I pray every day and ask when will it be over and when can I resume a normal life.


about 13 years, said...

For the past few weeks you at Caring .com seem to have been secretly reading my mind from where you are! When mum had a stroke and went into hospital, you had a piece about heart and stroke patients and that was my mum. Now you seem to know what I'm going through. However, I now have carers coming to my home to tend to her personal needs and helping her dress in the morning and evening for getting ready for bed, so all is not too bad. But best wishes to all who are helping people on their own and need help it can be very tricky especially when that person doesn't realise when it is daybreak and when its nightime. And that peson is mom.


about 13 years, said...

God Bless you all and may you find some peace of mind in some way. Remember everything is temporary as time has a way of moving on. Hugs to all and keep the faith. home-care


about 13 years, said...

I try to think about what I will do when this is over. I think I will take a vacation and go visit an old school friend in another state. When I feel overwhelmed I think about what it is like in Arizona and places I would like to see when I get there. That takes me away from depressing thoughts and feelings. If I don't make it, well it was a nice thought anyway. home-care


about 13 years, said...

join the club, and from the looks of it... we are several million strong.... who all need a day off, a good meal and a nap!!!!!!


about 13 years, said...

All of you need hugs and prayers!


about 13 years, said...

made me thinking about myself for a few minutes


about 13 years, said...

Home-care. social life? I have put any social life meaning socializing with a nice woman on hold. Without a ob and being stuck having to take care of my 91 year old mom who is in dimentia and is really demented, which is the reality I putup with self centerdness all day long. This is my cross right now. the only solace is that it willnot be forever. Now I am 60 years old and my health and stamina arr more important than ever. While she is my "job" right now, I will not compromise my health due to stress of taking care of her. I have become less compassiontate but I still do what I have to .


about 13 years, said...

I go through every one of the 8 signs at one time or another. The idea is to put coping mechanisms into place. I can stll leave mom for a few hours at a time. As long as I tell her I am coming back she is fine. She always thinks I am leaving for good whenever I go out the door. I have to get some relief so I engage in archery with my son or go for a bike ride, design things, watch TV with her and my consulting work gets me out of he house for about three hours twice a week. Having been treated for severe depression and anxiety at a time in my life, I have to make sure I have control of emotions and quickly change coure when I go down the wrong road. Like going down a road to a dead end you have to change course to get out. Even if you do not feel like it, force yourself to walk around the block. Find something that you saw on the History channel and research it on the internet just to give yourself an assignment. In my case I have to talk to God quite a bit as sometimes when i lose my temper I say stupid things. thank goodness she does not understand what I am saying. Have a connection with someone you can confide in and not a family member if possible. Sometimes I buy myself a sandwich and go down by the Bay and watch the seabirds for 30 minutes. If God can take care of a bird who neither reaps nor sows, how much more can he take care of me?


about 13 years, said...

To know how to handle burn outs, when caking care of my dad.


about 13 years, said...

I never have a day off. My husband and I moved to Maryland in July 2010 to live with one of our daughters and her family (husband and 4 yr old grandson). This was decided by our children due his Alzheimer's and my health issues. My daughter and son-in-law both work which leaves me home alone with my husband. I can't get my husband interested in any activities; all he talks about constantly is "going home" to Chicago. My only time to myself is when I go to physical therapy 3 times a week; I had bilateral hip replacement surgery last year and several minor strokes in 2009. I "envy" the person who has lost weight; mine is the opposite. I don't drink or smoke but chocolate is my addiction. Just need a way to reduce the stress.


about 13 years, said...

Very informative


about 13 years, said...

All the words do not take any of the responsibility away. Others like me must have jobs and kids too. My house is a mess. I'm off this week to get caught up. So there you have it, my vacation is work. Most days I'm not angry. But today I am. Even without a job. I'd be working greater than 40 hours a week. Talk is definately cheap. Responsibility costs.


about 13 years, said...

he is able to make coffee every morning while he cant do much else this makes him feel wanted and i prais hime every day for it. he is also a good card player which he has done all his life and will bet me every time


about 13 years, said...

My mother has beginning/middle stage Alzheimers and to read what others go through and signs that I could be burnt out / depressed is so helpful. Now i know why I've lost my appetite - lost 58 pounds in one year! Not the best way to lose weight. I feel like I have lost my sense of humor - nothing much is funny anymore and i get hardly any help (3.5 hours for 5 days a week), no salary as of yet, I'm on alert at all times and often cry at night and have anxiety sort of attacks when I go to bed. Got 2 brothers - one nearby who does not help at all, the other far away who said my depression / anxiety is partly brought on by myself!!###*&@#! I felt slapped in the face at that comment. I am trying to build a tiny business on the side, but it is hard when i am on alert all the time. Things have slowly gotten worse over time, and will only continue t do so. It's not fun. Thanks for listening.


over 13 years, said...

since I have about 95% of everything you were talking about it helps me to know that I am burnt out I cant do anything about it but at least I know


over 13 years, said...

I have said it before and I say it again. You are all stronger than I. My wife and I are struggling everyday. In the beginning I used humor and fun to lighten the load. Now nothing is funny any more. We tried to take her mother to get her hair cut yesterday. We created interest and reminded her every little bit. Everything was great until we got to the beauty shop then all hell broke lose. Refuisng to go accusing us of wasting money. Ruining her life. Nasty and mean. I tried to protect my wife which made mother in law mad at me which made my wife protect me which made her mad at both of us. To top that we had no one to help us defuse it. In the end it was a horrible day. Today is better but even though Granny does not remember we still do. I so hate this disease. It make us so awfully alone. YOu all are amazing. Thank you for your strength.


over 13 years, said...

This website is really helpful to me...


over 13 years, said...

There's a lot of good food for thought here... my only request is that articles like this wouldn't consistently refer to caring for "your parent." There are many of us who are caring for spouses. How about "your loved one"? When the questions constantly assume it's a parent, our minds know we're included, but our hearts feel left out. We have all the problems of those caring for a parent, and then some... Please remember those of us caring for and losing our partners, too.


over 13 years, said...

This article is very helpful. My husbands mother is in an adult care center, in the memory ward.....even with that said, it still is "stressful" when we are the "only ones" left to visit her.........the other family members that are left, have all moved to other states..........I thank God for the caregivers in the home she is in. But when we visit her, she is starting to get really bad, it still is stressful. She has days of total rebellion, (cursing, hitting), and it is very hard.


over 13 years, said...

Fit's me to a T!


over 13 years, said...

what dos that mean a day for my self?


over 13 years, said...

It is not a parent I am taking care of it is my husband, and no Fam. around just one friend The naghbers are elderly as well and can not be of any help


over 13 years, said...

Just the fact that I am not alone in feeling the way I do at times. I am tired ALL the time, feel trapped, sad, angry and a whole spectrum of emotions.


over 13 years, said...

For three years I cared for my 90+ mother and 80+ brother-in-law who is in mid stage Alzheimers in the same household. My mother is now in a care center but I am still caring for my brother-in-law. In reading over the questions, I see where I was in a very stress related situation. It has improved since my Mom went into a care center as she continually found fault with me. Now I have to lose the weight that I gained while doing a balancing act with an Alzheimers related situation that is declining, keeping in touch with my Mom 30 miles away and trying to maintain my health. As far as social life, what the heck is that? Anyone have suggestions?


over 13 years, said...

Everything that I read, also happened to me, and I went through all that the article talked about. I just hope that I don't have to do that (caregiver) again, for a good while. Because, it was Very hard for me, I had to take care of my dad for 6 to 7 months, without hardly any help from my sister or brother( they are older than me) . They both are working, and I am not, that was why they wanted me to take care of my (our) dad. Etc............... . So Yes, this article, was and is very helpful for me! Thank You, for letting me express myself, about this article.


almost 14 years, said...

Hugs to all of you who are patiently caring for their loves.It is not easy to take care of an Alzheimer's family member.Before you are burn out to the maximum to the point of becoming angry and exhausted talk to your doctor and social worker.You are not alone.For the Military talk to your Va. To Jan52 feeling guilty angry and feeling alone,well welcome to the company your not alone.I give you a credit.You are a every decent person.Ask help to family if you have.That is what are family are for.A 15-30minutes break helps.There is also the community and the Church.Do not isolate your self.


almost 14 years, said...

I moved in and have been taking care of my mother for the last 6yrs. I have noe kind of a life and I have a 9yr old daughter that has started feeling the stress tremendously. I have no help from my brother(who is older and unmarried with no children) but lives his life to the fullest. I am thinking of putting her in an assisted living facility-so I can take care of my daughter the right way. She is missing out on the things that a child is supposed to enjoy due to my mother. I am angry all the time and getting to where I feel like I am just broken and in a hole that never ends.


about 14 years, said...

Things can remain calm with my parents, both of whom have Alzheimers, but when their assisted living does nothing to rectify the particular problem, including their 24/7 aide, I get very agitated, anxious and angry....and these feelings can linger for days from just one incident. I have had no luck in finding a decent Alzheimers group at all. Went to one today and I was told that I couldn't return because the group is for spouses of husbands or wives with Alzheimers. I became very degraded, and the leader only allowed me to come back because I cried.


about 14 years, said...

It's been 7 years for me since I have been able to have even an hour to myself. I am exhausted and there is no end in sight.


over 14 years, said...

My mom doesn't have Alzheimer's but except for the physical complaints and the sleep I have all the red flags. When was the last time I had a whole day to my self was the clincher. On January the 22nd 2010 it will be one year.