Talking With Beth Witrogen: Caregiving as a Spiritual Journey

Wow, I'm grateful for this article. My Mom just passed away on Saturday, a few days ago. I'm trying to hold myself together, but spend part of each day awash in a myriad of emotions. There were many wise words here. As Mom did her best for me, so too did I do my best for her. Peace to all this holiday season.

wow. sounds like anonymous is still so angry he cant' think. I wonder if, when his wife was dying, he was able to have any sweet conversations with her or if there was any softness in his exchange with her at all. If there was, his anger seems to have overridden it. It's sad. We have no one to blame for these situations, but it's how we let go of these events we cannot control that make us go forward or let us dwell in a certain stage of our emotions.

Spiritual. I'm sick to death of people who claim that caregiving for and watching someone they love die slowly is a spiritual blessing. My wife died 11 years after the diagnosis of vascular dementia - the last 5 years in a nursing home, immobilized and unable to communicate. I juggled job and caregiving, fighting with doctors and then nursing home administrators over care and medication errors, sidelining my career and financial security to keep her home with me as long as possible, losing all but a few friends, ruining my health - while knowing all along how it had to end. And as the love of my life died in my arms after 11 years of suffering through feeling her mind and self slip away like smoke and her useless body twist into knots, there was nothing spiritual about it. Frustrating, maddening, saddening, hope-killing, gut wrenching - yes. Spare me your platitudes and self-satisfied homilies about spiritual journeys and renewal - that's a sick, egomaniacal con job for people who can't face the reality of life and death. I don't regret the sacrifices I made for my wife, and I made them from the love and respect and friendship I felt for her - not for some promised next life spiritual payback. Real people do the right thing in this world, not wait to do something right in the 'next'.