A. Families. Family members will often tell the person, "You're not going to die" or "You're just talking negatively, and if you didn't talk so negatively, you would live longer." And that's terrible, because they can't even allow the person to talk about what is inevitable -- sometimes within days.
I think it's really important for a caregiver to recognize what the person is going through and talk about it. Obviously, this depends on what that person is capable of and what you're capable of, but one of the best things that you can do for somebody you really love is to talk about the future and what's going to happen. A lot of patients feel really, really isolated. They feel so guilty about dying because no one around them wants them to die, and nobody wants to talk to them about it. I wasn't capable of doing this with my mother, and that's something I would definitely change. I'm sure there were times that she wanted to talk, but it was too difficult for me emotionally. I loved her and I couldn't say, "It's OK. You can die now."
The reverse can also happen, that everybody around the person wants to talk about it and the person refuses, but that's much less common. Part of the problem is that forcing someone -- or yourself -- to have that discussion is hard for caregivers. You have a busy life and you don't really want to deal with it. But it's really important to make sure that the person's affairs are put in order, bills are paid. And doing that doesn't mean that you're giving up or changing how much you care for the person or want them to live.
