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"Sandwich Generation"

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Is anyone in the situation that has been dubbed, "The Sandwich Generation" ? This term refers to those who have the responsibility for care of both their own children and their elderly parents. What have been your biggest challenges?

When my mom lived with us last year, I suddenly found myself in the "sandwich generation". In fact, my whole family was suddenly "sandwiched", down to my oldest son who shared a room and bunk bed with his grandma. Our biggest challenge was definitely space- I felt bad that I couldn't provide my mom with her own space and at the same time, we were mourning the loss of having total privacy in our own home.

Personally, my biggest challenge was the logistics of all the errands! I was already feeling like a taxi with just the errands involved with having two small children. When my mom moved in, the additional doctor appointments, paperwork, and general "running around" made things almost overwhelming. I was also unprepared for the emotions that come with being in the "sandwich generation". However, I started seeing a therapist as recommended  in this sandwich generation blog post and that helped immensely.

However, even with all the challenges, there were also great benefits and advantages of being in the "sandwich generation". My kids were able to really bond with their grandma in a way that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. Just seeing them play together was enough to bring a smile to my face almost daily.

Lisa


 
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I'm not in the same situation as my parents don't live with me, but I feel the strain of being in that sandwich generation.  My planning always involves extremes.  If we're going to do something with my parents, who are disabled, I'm trying to figure out how it can work for two energetic children and at least one adult who has very limited mobility.

When health conditions are calm, we all just enjoy each other.  When they flare up, everyone gets shuffled as I spend time at the hospital.

I can be tough!  And I know I'm in one of the easier situations!


 
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Hi Lisa and Missy -- this is a great topic. I'd love to hear from others re: ideas for activities for sandwich families. If you are caring for an elderly relative and have children, have you found activities that you can all do together? I'd also love to hear from people who've found ways to bring the generations together --  by passing on skills like knitting or woodworking for example. Thanks in advance for your tips and ideas...


 
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Missy, that's a great point about outings! We reguarly vacation with my in-laws and it seems to get trickier as the years go by to find activites that everyone can and will enjoy. DisneyWorld is a consistent hit because of the variety of activities they offer. However, last year we went to Six Flags and our experience was vastly different. The majority of the attractions were geared towards the teens-young adult age group, leaving out my youngest child and my IL's. They tried to see a show to pass the time while some of our group were on coasters, but the quality was just not the same. So we will definitely stick with Disney in the future!

Another vacation that we all enjoy is renting a cabin in a state park. The kids enjoy running around in the outdoors and the adults enjoy spending time together, playing cards, or just relaxing with a good book.


 
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While not technically a sandwich generation many of the same challenges face us.  Our surviving parents (ages 70 to 83) go from seriously disabled to fair health and the kids range from 17 to 30 with a 3 year old grandson thrown in for good measure ... plus an 8 and 7 year old niece and nephew.  Planning a family outing is virtually impossible at this stage of the game, but I've discovered the next best thing for our situation.  Renting a luxury beach house for a week generally works out and the cost is no more than some of the outings we used to do.  I just booked one on the outer banks for early June -- 8 bedrooms, 6 baths, an elevator, handicap accessable bedroom with bath, ocean view, private pool, jaccuzzi, game room, the works. It's a chance to be together, unwind, let the kids play on the beach while the elders lounge around the pool area.  A week gives us plenty of time for some of us to break off into smaller groups for certain activities yet find time to spend as a family.  Not perfect, but maybe as close as it gets for now.


 
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I love your idea of renting a luxury beach house, Jaded_Heart! It sounds perfect! The "elders" can relax by the pool or in the jacuzzi and the kids can play at the beach. My sons would LOVE the game room.

I'm definitely going to keep that in mind for future vacations. Let us know how yours goes- have a great time !!!


 
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That DOES sound perfect, Jade!  And the Outer Banks are beautiful. 

Several years ago my husband and I joined some older aunts on a beach vacation in a rented house and it worked out great.  Everyone was invited to everything anyone did but nobody felt obligated.  Our only committment to each other was dinner each night.  Everything else just had a nice easy pace. 

Thanks for that suggestion!


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