After reading these posts I have to admit that I am in a better position those most posters in regard to siblings. I am a single mother of a teenage boy and my 91 year old father has lived with us for 2 years. He is diabetic and has congestive heart failure. I work full time. I have six siblings, five living within 25 miles and one out of state. My mother died when we were children so we are close.

My father's health issues have created a lot of stress, especially when my son came home from school to find him unresponsive due to low blood sugar and had to call 911.

My siblings called a family meeting to determine how best to help me and my son. None of us wanted to put my son in such a position again. We arranged for part time health aides and I told my siblings honestly that it did not help to have them all come to visit on Saturday afternoon and then nobody come for the rest of the week. So we set a schedule in which each of the siblings has a week night when they arrive by 5:15 to get Dad's dinner (I am not home before 6:00 and as a diabetic he needs to eat at regular times)and stay until 7:00 p.m. We also have a revolving schedule for different times on the weekend so that I can get out. My out of state brother has come each summer and stayed for a week so that I can go on vacation. If any sibling cannot come at their allotted time it is up to them to find a replacement.

My father has most of his mental capacities but he is emotionally draining, often crying and lamenting the fact that he cannot do what he used to, that he is a burden and that he has lived too long, etc. We have tried to talk to his doctor about depression but he is always lively in front of his doctor and tells him he feels great. He has had one foot amputated so far due to the diabeties, but it seems to be better controlled now. When he had to go into rehab this winter after a serious bout with the flue I was ready for the move to the nursing home but in the end I couldn't do it to him and he came home.

Although he did pay rent when he first moved in, my father's income goes to pay for the part time health aides he now needs. All of my siblings also work. Because he never had money there is nothing to fight over.

So although I would never recommend taking an aging parent into your home, (as these posts indicate it takes over your life, possibly for many years) I cannot complain that my siblings do not try to appreciate what I do although unless you are living it you cannot understand fully what it means to be a caretaker 24/7. Having so many different people in the house can be stressful in itself. I often think I am doing my son a disservice by having my father here and limiting our lives, othertimes I think it is a positive example of how you help family when needed.

And that's how a family should do it!! Wow..what I'd give for a family meeting just once. I'm glad that you have the support and really happy that your dad gets to see his kids. My dad would thrive that much more if mine came over more. Sounds like you've got it down...good for you. And make sure you give yourself some good quality time too!

No, my family does not help nearly enough. My mother and father lives with us. She has Alzehmier's and he is confined to a wheel chair. I work full time so does my husband. My oldest sister told me not to call her unless it was an emergency because her time was to valuable. And another sister lives about 25 miles away and has been over once in the last 4 months. So the other two siblings live far enough away they don't have to make up excuses. Do my sibling help out enough? NO!

No, they don't help enough. In the summer I care for my mom at her home 4 days and nights a week and have caretakers for her 3 days and nights aweek. To some extent I think it is my fault family doesn't help because I don't ask enough. One brother and my sister live out of state. My brother will stay for a few days when I ask and is in good humor about it. If my sister visits she wants me here all the time and is no help. My brother who lives nearby has visited only once this summer. He has bad health himself and I think I let him off the hook too easy. I will be the sick one if I don't get a real vacation soon.

Now my husband, my mom and I are headed to warmer climes for the winter where we have no family and only a few friends and I am the only caretaker.. Stress, stress, stress.

The last 3 Sundays my sister has come over, I've asked her to help get Mom ready for bed and and we were both off Tuesday and after supper, she just took the initiative and did it herself. I had fixed supper and put dessert in the oven and had to run to the store to get dog food and bless her heart, she's a waitress, she had everybody served and was attending to their needs, I'm the short order cook, Ha! I really was and I love to cook and she loves to waitress so we made a great combination.

I have two brothers and I'm the only daughter however, I'm the only one who takes care of our parents. My brothers don't offer any assistance what so ever other than to pay them back what they owe. I've tried get them to help but their excuse is, they live four hours away and work. I have lupus and am considered legally deaf but the care of our parents lands in my hands. NO! It's NOT fair at all! I'm stressed to the max with all the complaining of both of my parents and the different stories they tell my brothers from me. My husband and I have had to back out a few times to show how much we've done and continued to do while my brothers sit on their butts and enjoy vacations that hubby and I only dream of taking.

I have a little of that situation in reverse. My mom lives with my sister but she travels a lot! She was gone every weekend this summer and is gone now for 9 days. Along with her week and a half before the summer. And she bought a new house this year and brought mom to my house for a month. But we do work together. So I suggest....plan a vacation and take your mom and dad to your brothers house and say that you are not going at home and they need to take care of them. Let them know a couple of weeks in advance but make your reservations and plan the vacation. You really need it. I finally decided this year that I was no longer cancelling events with my grandchildren, etc. to stay with mom and I told my sister that in no uncertain terms. I also said that I was not going to watch mom every weekend....so we found a home care aide, 2 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild to stay with mom and they each got paid. And I ended up staying with mom only about 3 weekends so that I had some time to spend with my husband during the weekends. You will need to be firm and you cannot back down...If money is an issue for a vacation, just tell them you are going but stay home and out of reach. You need a BREAK. Your brothers need to know that you are not an only child and they have some responsibility in this. And maybe you can shame them into spending some of mom and dad's last days with them. Whatever it takes.. BE STRONG. You should be able to get some type of home care aide with your parents paying for it. After all if you are too stressed, how can you be a good help to your parents? Good luck.

PS I got a 4 day vacation this fall and it helped immensely. You don't feel quite so overwhelmed. I neglected to say that I do take mom to all of her appointments and my sister works so when mom needs something during the week she calls me. (EVERY MORNING) But really do whatever it takes to get a break.

I have three brothers and one sister. My sister lives 3 hours away, my brothers - one lived with my mother with his wife, one lived next door to my mother with his wife and the other lived 1 mile down the street. I have been the primary caregiver for my mother since June 3, 2007. I worked, had a family - but was still expected to drive thirty minutes to where my mother lived to take care of her. I was there every Tuesday (my day off) and every weekend for the weekend. The stress almost killed me. I finally moved mom into my house on March 25th 2009, and not one family member has helped in any way. I've been to the drug store and the grocery store only since mom's been here. My family is pathetic. All of them could have helped then, and could help now, but they don't. Stay tuned for my full story - hopefully on a bookshelf near you!