'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by bethy @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bethy — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:45:30 -0000

I currently live with my wonderful, wise, beautiful 86 1/2 year old mother. I have 6 siblings. Between one brother and myself we do 90% of her care. She uses a walker and can not be left alone at all. I use to feel resentment in the past when I took care of my 83year old father at times, but I learned so much. I became extremely close to my dad and when he passed 6 years ago I had absolutely no regrets. Some siblings said they really did not know dad! How sad for them. So with my mom it became natural for me to care for her. God works in mysterious ways. I recently got divorced and had to move in with my mom a year ago. She breaks her hip in July. My one brother loses his job in August. Mom comes home from hospital end of August. Brother watches mom during day while I work. I do her baths, assist dressing, medicines, etc. when I get home. Now tell me this wasn't planned by the One and Only!!! I feel honored to care for my Mom! I decided I can't change my siblings only MY ATTITUDE. I do call when I need a break and they will stay for a day while I go "take care" of myself and I come back reenergized ready to go another week!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by jbdsta Bettye dfw tx @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jbdsta Bettye dfw tx — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:29:50 -0000

are u kidding.............no............... they can not deal with the issues my spouse brings with him..they want me to bring him over so they can see and talk to him but no way will they help me with an overnite stay or a few hours of "babysitting" its to much for them

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Frazzled @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Frazzled — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:39:08 -0000

What siblings? What family?

My brother disappeared in 1987 - by choice.

I have a 75 year old uncle on my father's side. I keep in touch with him, but not nearly enough. He has his own problems. I have only seen any of my deceased father's relatives once in the past...ummm 30 years? 40 years? I don't know...my mother's mental health issues pushed them away a long time ago.

That also goes for my mother's half-siblings.

There is no way that I would involve them when she has been so nasty to them in the past and pushed them so far away. That would be so unfair.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by punkersad Sharon Midlothian, Il @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

punkersad Sharon Midlothian, Il — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:16:12 -0000

GPSPRES I think that the advise your sister - in law got from her doctor is pretty common. Remember her doctor's primary concern is your sister in law. What is good for her is not necessarily good for the entire family. My sister's doctor told her that he would have to drop her as a patient if she did not divorce her daughter. Since her daughter was in danger of losing her kids to the state-- my sister dropped the doctor that she really needed. Now everyone else is telling her the same thing. It is all very well to tell her to let her daughter grow up but she will lose the grandbabies. At the end with my dad I felt like a zombie. I could not feel sorry for him or me. I was just taking it one day at a time and not reacting to much of anything. Maybe your sister in law has reached that point. Everyone has their own breaking point. I understand your frustration in being on the side lines and looking in. You want to help but it is hard to do.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Missy @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Missy — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 01:09:51 -0000

Ugh! I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in-laws. :-( How is your MIL's mind? Maybe encourage her to talk to her daughters.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by GPSPRES @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

GPSPRES — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 00:36:01 -0000

Hi Missy, My sister-in-law has decided to checkout of caring for her mother. My husband and I live out of state and actually see her more than my sister-in-law that lives under 10 miles away from her assisted living. In the past she helped with supporting her financially but has even stopped doing that. My mother-in-law is very upset and does not know why she has very little to do with her. She (my sister-in-law) says that her mother upsets her and that her doctor told her to stay away from her. I think she is just plain selfish. Years ago we tried to get my mother-in-law to move where we live but she wanted to be near her 2 daughters.
Now she if very frail and says she would like to move close to us but she is afraid and the 2 daughters have very little to do with her. She tells me often she wishes her daughters treated her like I do. What can we do??? My heart is breaking for her.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by jgmartorano @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jgmartorano — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 08:26:22 -0000

I would like my answer to be simple, but the complexity of having 5 brothers and 5 sisters makes that a little impossible. Throughout my father's entire illness from the early signs to his passing, most of us assisted my mother in varying degrees. For me, it was spending 7-10 days at my parents every month for almost two years. Although I definitely surpassed my other siblings in the amount of time I spent with my parents, I never once felt resentful. Rather, I was grateful to be able to do it and received thanks and support from all my siblings. I was glad to provide care to my father because it ultimately supported my mother. I did, however, feel some resentment towards my siblings when it came to making decisions about my father's care.

In August 2008, a neurologist at the UCSF Memory & Aging Center in Fresno finally evaluated my father. Later that year in November, we gathered either in person or on a conference call for a family conference with the neurologist to learn that my father had Alzheimer's. At that meeting we determined and my mother agreed that it would be best for my parents to move to Illinois to live with my sister Theresa so that my father could receive better care. We were all in agreement or so I thought. My oldest brother convinced my mother that it would be better for them to stay in their home and hire caregivers to assist with my father's care.

Realizing there was really nothing I could do to convince my mother to leave her home now that she knew that there wasn't complete agreement, I relented to make the best of a less than ideal situation. Also, I didn't stay angry with my brother because I knew that he was only trying to do what he thought was best. Rather, I started talking to him more about the situation and we put a plan in place for various scenarios that could play out with my parents. The common ground we shared is that we knew there would come a point when part-time caregivers and my mother could no longer manage my father.

By June 2009, my father was placed on hospice and the idea that he could die in his own home became a definite reality, but by September he had rebounded and transitioned off hospice. He transitioned off hospice and providing was becoming more difficult for my mother. We held another family conference and discussed the possibility for moving my father into a skilled nursing facility or to my sister Theresa's as originally planned. I was not wild about skilled nursing facilities, because I worked in one as a nursing assistant, but also saw it as an option for respite for my mother until we could move dad to my sisters. Dad was definitely going to live with my sister, but mom was determined to stay.

This was the second instance of feeling resentful towards a brother and sister who basically said that my mother was just abandoning my father if she did this. Their comments about it to my mother completely overwhelmed and caused her much grief because they just "didn't get it." My sister Theresa and I agreed to divide and conquer to help them see the benefits of having my father transition to Theresa's fulltime care. Although they were not convinced and were still resentful towards my mother, they could see the benefits of separating my parents. In order to appease them and other siblings who were more just uncomfortable about the idea, I explained to my mother that she absolutely had to go with my dad to Illinois to help make the transition as smooth as possible. In November 2009, my oldest sister Ann Marie, my mother, my father and I, flew to Illinois to deliver my father to his new home and my mother stayed for almost a month.

Over the next few months my father's health bounced up and down. He eventually went back on hospice in the middle of January 2010 and my mother made another visit to Illinois for three weeks. Of course, he improved during her visit, but was rather cantankerous towards her. That was the last time my mother would see my father. He passed on March 21, 2010 with several of us saying the rosary at his bedside.

Beyond cremation, my father left it to my mother to determine the arrangements for a mass and burial. My role as I saw it was to assist in carrying out her wishes. That being said, many of my siblings were lobbying for what they wanted to happen. I didn't get caught up in it; rather I had some very difficult conversations a sibling about not imposing her ideas about burial upon mom. I told them that sharing her preference that dad remains should according to Catholic teachings be buried in a cemetery. She also wanted d the burial to occur in conjunction with the memorial mass I was helping my mother to plan. I shared with her that I felt her ideas were completely acceptable, but telling mom what she had to do wouldn't work. I even helped her research burial sites. When we determine that there wasn't a feasible or even available Veterans cemetery near Los Angeles, it was clear that the burial wouldn't be in conjunction with the memorial mass. Although my sister wasn't thrilled she understood that it was my mother's decision, which she made. My parent’s remains will be buried in a vault in a plot in the cemetery in the town where they live.

Ultimately, I moved beyond the resentment I was feeling in each situation by giving them the benefit of the doubt. I knew they were really just trying to do what they thought best. Even though I was at times very angry, I was blessed with the ability to quickly move beyond it to a place of love and understanding. The realization that each of us were all extremely concerned about my father's care, but also my mother's well being was an important component as well.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by SusanMcD @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

SusanMcD — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:09:41 -0000

Thank you for your very kind words, Granny, but this is not a new thing for my mother. She's said inappropriate things to me for at least 30 years ... it's just very sad to me that we cannot have the relationship I would have loved to have had ... and apparently never will. I have another thread under the "Relationship" section of the discussion boards. It's titled something like "Frustrated Beyond Belief". You can read about it and comment if you like ~ in fact, I really wish you would! (((( Hugs )))) back at you, Susan (SusanMcD)

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:37:01 -0000

Dear ? - No Siblings:

While taking care of our Mother in her final stage of cancer - my beloved brother (respiratory therapist) taught me a lot about home health care.

One of the things he mentioned was that sometimes the "patient" will "turn on the care-givers". He said it was a normal reaction and not a "true" sense of the patient.

Please, some how figure out how not to take the comments personal. They are not said to be taken in that manner. Mainly, it's their feelings toward whatever got them where they are now. Unfortuntely, they "voice" it out while you are with them.

Hope it helps, Sending lots of hugs!!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:42:29 -0000

I have no siblings and no family members except for my husband, mother, and my son. My mother is in the mid stages of dementia and is currenly in temporary assisted living due to a fractured pelvis from being in an auto accident. (Mother was driving.) She's says cruel things, has little short-term memory, and is generally horrid to me, but I think I'd rather handle things on my own than have the added frustrations of having family members who fail to help, or behave inappropriately, or are simply being jack@$$es. We all have enough to concern ourselves with without the added burden of ignorant family members. Never thought I'd hear myself, an only child, "saying" those words, but after reading some of the family situations here I am glad I'm alone.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 07:46:27 -0000

Granny...good to read that you got to let your grandkids know what was going on. Seems like they were being kept in the dark and told lies. That's what happens I guess when there is a separation involved but it's good you could let them know the real deal.
Sounds like your project has gotten the better of you. Hope that gets resolved soon and you can get on with your life. I agree with you about the Fl issue and everyone still waiting for you to take care of them. When they acknowledge you, maybe you can help them... I really intend to be careful about not breaking any more bones...Hope this moving business doesn't do me in but I really have no choice. Gosh, I feel so bad for my grandchildren. Even though they are old enough, this business about their dad has really upset them. One minute their life was going on normally and the next they were thrust from their home and told by the police and everyone that it was just for the night and now they find that they cannot go back. I took them to the Farmers Market here yesterday so that they could have a little fun. My grandson is throwing a fit about having to leave his football team to play in another town. He was just getting used to being a part of the team and now he has to leave it. And he says that Daddy probably won't be allowed to be there. And Daddy was there at every game last year and even helping out on the field. I hate what this has done to those kids. All of the friends that they have made since moving in about 1 year ago and now they have to leave them.
My daughter cannot afford to pay for the house so I guess that is her only option to leave it. Under the circumstances I think there are too many memories there and she wants to leave but her husband has made that decision for her. He won't let her come back . he seems to have turned this all around ....he was the one arrested, and the one who lost control but suddently it becomes my daughter's fault because of something that the police told her husband. I just think that he's got too many problems and doesn't want to have to think about his family right now.
Well, anyway, onward we go! I just really wanted to vent yesterday...Thanks for listening.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 05:43:48 -0000

Hey Everyone!

PTCruzr - I thought I've been having a rough couple of weeks - but not any more! Good grief - I really feel for you!

Why can't your daughter keep her house and the husband move out? It sure would be easier for the kids - if he really cared for his kids. Stress can cause so many things - wonder if that is what the rosacea is coming from, our grandkids really can hold in their emotions!

Glad to hear your cast is off! Be careful - you could hurt it worse this time! When I broke my foot - after the cast - it took me months to get "full use". What a three-ring circus it seems to be!

I'm still trying to get my stuff done for the attorney (he wanted it over 2 months ago)but then I had the death in the family and the car accident. It seemed like one thing after another kept snowballing so big - I couldn't wait for the meltdown! I finally hit meltdown. I couldn't do the paperwork, my husband and daughter are playing games and I came so close to givinig up. Then, I finally got a grip - "no one controls me".

I have been working on this 375+/- page project and had it almost completed until my husband offered to take it to his office and make my two other copies I needed. He brought it back over. All I had to do was re-type the "List of Attachments". While checking though (I had colored paper seperating each of the 85 attachments - some had few pages, other lots of pages) - he must have dropped the entire box upside down. It was such a mess and out of order.

My third day (today) with only 5 hours of sleep in the last few days - I'm still trying to get back to only needing the List typed. I've had phone problems which effected the computer that didn't let the printer print the pages I needed! By 2pm, my phone company said it was the security system for the house causing the phone to do it's own thing. I called the Security System people - they were here within 2 hours (lucky day now). They saw the problem, corrected it and my printer started printing. But I still missed getting this project over-nighted for delivery tomorrow (Mom's B'day). My phone company game me a $10 discount - monthly for 6 months. The security system guy didn't charge me $25 for the service call. My eyes are so dried out from working so hard on the computer and rereading everything!

I looked at it as my family together in Heaven pulling a prank on me! We used to do that a lot! Whose house can you have a water gun fight between Mom, me, my brother and my 2 kids! My Dad and husband don't play so we all have to make sure they don't get wet! Mom just looked at it - "Hey, I got my floor mopped!"

So now, I'm going to put some drops in my eyes (wish I could take an hour nap) and then get going again. When I get this first copy done, I'm taking it to Kinko's for two more copies (why waste the time). Then it will go out on Mom's birthday and delivered to start someone else's week off! I really think I like that idea better when I think about it! So thanks to which one or all of them doing the prank today! Then I can have the weekend to rest!

I finally got to see my Grandsons Tuesday night. My ex-son-in-law asked me over to see his new house for him and "his boys". I'm so proud for him! We have always said "what's best for the boys". The oldest (10) asked me if I was "still busy". I talked to him and found out that my daughter was telling him "Granny is too busy to come to your games". I told him that for some reason, his Mom is mad at me and I don't know why, but Granny wasn't at your games because your Mom didn't share the schedule and that is why your Dad invited me over to see you two! He said, "now I'm mad at Mom for telling me stories". I had to talk with him but in the end, he still wants to at least write down his feelings and leave it on his desk for Mom to read and then see what if anything happens. The 4-1/2 yr old just couldn't quit hugging and giving me really big eyed long kisses! It was too cute!

Now my husband wants to invite me for the annual family get together in FL in August. Of course, he, our daughter and both Grandsons will fly. I plan on driving (I wasn't invited to fly), but I was asked if I could pick them up at the airport! I believe I'm going to have a "little" problem and they will just have to rent a car, go to the grocery store, etc. I'm not going to be their chauffer (sp?), and since they want to exclude me, why would I want to go get the groceries, etc. Let them do it for a change! I've done it for over 12 years! Plus they are getting in 2 days before everyone else. I asked to stay for a week - they scheduled it for the days they will need - 4. We will have 1 and 1/2 days with the rest of his side of the family. I told my husband, I will be telling everyone "good-bye" because it will be my last visit. I plan to file for divorce when I get back. He wanted to take me out to dinner to "discuss our relationship". When I said "a public place was not a good idea to discuss our relationship" - he said, oh, now you don't want to be seen in public with me? Good grief - twist your words! He still won't discuss our relationship. I decided it was time for "get out your problems or move on". I'm so tired of someone trying to control me! Take care!! Enough of my whinning - now I really need those eye drops

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:25:26 -0000

Hi all... This week has been crazy for me. Mom is staying with me which to me is no problem, however, this week, my daughter who had been married 16 years found out that she will be homeless. Her husband got arrested for a dispute with his oldest daughter, a teenager, and her husband could then not have contact with his children so therefore, my daughter is looking for a place to live, a job, a car, a drivers license and general peace of mind. So she moved in with my other daughter who is 6 months pregnant with her first child and living with her boyfriend. Both the boyfriend and my daughter don't like each other very much but are staying together for the baby. So having a family of 3 + dog move in was one of the last things they needed but nobody else has room for them. And now the husband who was arrested has given my daughter 72 hours to get everything out of "her" house. So, tomorrow is moving day. Thank God I got my cast off my arm last week so I am ready to tackle the next hurdle. Oh, and my granddaughter has broken out in some form of rosacea. So this week has been spent trying to balance meals for mom, getting help for daughter, taking granddaughter to the doctor and, of course, I Can't Sleep!!! Wonder why???
On the up side, my pregnant daughter had an ultrasound today and it showed no problems..thankful for small favors. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!! I don't think things could get worse but I could be surprised!!! The arrest really surprised everyone!!! And my poor grandchildren want to see their dad. It's just a mess. I told my daughter to start singing "I will survive" and teach the grandchildren to sing along. I'm singing too. My mom is alert and knows about all of these problems and is a worrier so this can't be good for her either.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by jy1560 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jy1560 — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 22:59:27 -0000

Thank you.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:43:52 -0000

Dear jy1560,

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems - I certainly hope you have Caller ID! Isn't if "funny" how relatives "pop up and try to take over but not available to help out"?

It's good to hear you have an attorney as well. I'm so glad I have an attorney who I feel I can trust. The first was "dismissed" - this one took over 1 year to find! There are so many out there - it's hard to find one who can even speak the proper lingo for what you need!

Please, stop being so hard on yourself. You have to take care of yourself first - you won't be able to do anything for anyone if you are ill - that's the last thing you need now. I know, easier said than done!

I'm greatful for this website - it really does help! First, we are not alone - Second, there are those who are in the same position - Third, it really makes you feel better letting things out!

I too, have a sibling I have nothing to do with at all. Ever since 1993 when I "ruined her vacation" with the news of my 17yr old son death from an auto accident. Cold hearted, you know what! That sounds like your brother from Cleveland! I bet you anything, he will have all kinds of suggestions and want to "take over" when it comes to settling estates. Watch out! It still has me in Court - in August, it will be 5 years!

Stand your ground, know you are doing the best you can, take good care of yourself - don't speculate about what may/may not happen. Just get through the day - give a big sigh of relief at the end of the day. Then the next morning, thank God you have another day! Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am somebody - I will find some joy in today - even if I have to make it". Joy is easy to find, just smile at someone without a word, if they smile back - you gave them joy - even if it was only for a second. You'll find it also warms your heart as well!

Sending hugs and prayers, hang in there - your "gut" will tell you what you need to know!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by jy1560 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jy1560 — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:51:46 -0000

No my family does not help or they drive me crazy with their form of "help". I am so angry and disgusted with way many of family members act. This anger has consumed me.

My father has alzheimer's. I just put in an assisted living facility. I have one brother that lives in Cleveland, he will only help if I bring my father to Cleveland and anything else. I did agree at first of sending my father to Cleveland because I was tired. When I saw what a bad idea with was; I should no. Of course, he is mad at me. He wants to see very piece of paper for the last couple year. Of course, if only I send it to Cleveland. My lawyer said "To tell that they are available; but has to come here" Of course, he is not.

My other brother is learning disabled and now because of health reason can not work. I have high medical bills because of this. Of course my Cleveland brother thinks that he should not get money from the sale of the house.

I am preparing the house for sale. This house had mold, fumes and other problems which my husband and I to get very sick. During the past year, we have had sinsus infections to pneomiona. I am trying to aid for my father and brother.

My husband and I have our own business. I have lost several clients due to this and getting sick. I am trying to pay own bills as well.

On top of this, I have an aunt (my father's sister) who is mad at me because the place I chose was too far her to visit "on her lunch hour". Even though we discussed this before hand. She also always "a friend" or "found out something" of course she needs to tell that she disagree with everything I do. Therefore, I stopped to talking her.

I think my brother (Cleveland) and my aunt are planning something to take my authority in this situation. It is like they want me to screw up; and take everything from me. My lawyer agrees with me. She has told me that since I did not anything to hide; let them. The worst that they could do is called APS without spending any real money.

I admit that I did not have a good with my relationship with my father and my brother. I am trying what is best for them and protect them for people who might hurt them even my "good intentions". These so-called good people with best of intentions are making things so bad for me. I need to get legal advice and find out where I stand legally.

When I orginally drawn up the POA and Health Poxy; I thought that I would have so many legally and in certain situations I could go to jail.

I ONLY WANT TO TAKE OF MY FATHER AND MY BROTHER. KEEP THEM SAFE AND MAYBE HAPPY (it is hard to tell). Now I have worry about these legal problems and keep myself out of jail.

At the moment, to keep my own sanity I decided to disown my father's side until my aunt starts respected the boundaries. I just do not know what else to do.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:19:40 -0000

You are so right about excuses come but time doesn't stand still. I had so many resentment issues to work out through my therapist. Now, it's just hurt. I have been there for them for any and everything. When I needed the help - not one word for either of them.

I understand about the ride of no regret. It was so hard watching my Mom slowly go - then she asked me if she was dying. I had to tell her the cancer was winning. Years ago when she did her Will, she told me she was appointing my brother (11 months younger) as her Executor because I was her "emotional child". Then she asks me if she is dying. My brother was standing at the door leaning against the frame with tears running down his cheeks. I couldn't believe I wasn't crying but answering Mom's questions honestly. Mom just said "I didn't want to go this way - please - just stay busy and be strong". And you bet, I'd do it all over again. We did have some laughs over little mishaps. I didn't think about the shower seat being cold after cleaning the shower before Mom got in. Her eyes got as big as softballs and said, "Whoooo, this is so cold". I apologized and immediately got a towel for her to sit on in the shower (wish I had thought about it earlier). My brother was there for strength, I was there for Mom's dignity. My brother popped open the door just a little to ask if everything was okay. I told him, "why didn't you think about how cold the shower seat would be after just cleaning it". We both laughed so hard while Mom kept silent. All of a sudden, Mom said "This isn't funny" (she paused a few seconds as my brother and I were still laughing with tears down our cheeks) then Mom said "It's hilarious - we're like the three Stooges". Immediately I responded "I want to be Moe". Mom knew how to deliver "zingers" and continued to do so til the end. I'll never forget it.

Then months later all hell broke loose. The oldest sibling (whose social calender doesn't allow time to visit her terminally illed Mother) files a lawsuit because she doesn't like what Mom did to her. Wonder why? Even though my husband and daughter don't understand - after the unexpected death of my brother 20 months later - I'm the sole surviving member of my childhood family (none of us consider the oldest sibling "part of the family" - she lives in her own fantasy world).

Years later, I'm still trying to get my Mom's Will honored. No one apparently knows how to read. Being alone now, so many times suicide seems like a good idea but then I remember I have something very important to finish first. Hopefully by then, I'll have some idea what to do with my life.

When my husband moved out on our b'days (the day after each other), I was devestated even though I asked him to leave weeks earlier. Now I hear he isn't responding to his siblings like he used to do - they email or call me regularly. And you are absolutely right - both my husband and daughter are self-centered, self-serving and are now enjoying being cruel by not letting me see my two beautiful Grandsons. I don't get it. How can people be so cruel to someone you supposedly loved? I guess they enjoy adding to my depression and anxieties - wondering how far they can push me. I won't give them that satisfaction. Time will go on and it will come back - it always does! I just hope I can get "hard hearted" and ignore their apologizes or whatever it is they "have up their sleeves".

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:21:34 -0000

I don't feel resentment. I have many sibblings. they could have done anything if they had wanted. I SAY IT"S THEIR LOST. Excusses come many, time will not set still. THEY will lose out on all I know of my parent.IT has been aride I don"t regret. I will feel sorry for them in the end. The heart is what you search.LOVE is greater than any thing they ever could do.

One BIG excuse they give I cant stand to see ? like that, SORRY they are selfish.DO what you think is right.

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 12:12:57 -0000

Yes I was black and blue - left side only. But most of it was hidden. It was the aches in the ribs that hurt the worse!

My son was born with blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes! My daughter looked just like my husband! She had dark curly hair - a head full. They were both born in Hawaii (like my brother and me). Some of the young Hawaiian kids would rub their hands on my sons hair and put it on theirs, hoping to get blonde hair. It was precious.

We are in for storms today - good day to do laundry - ugh! Still procrasting over the paperwork that MUST go out tomorrow! Over 375+/- pages but very good! Should be a lot of fun now that things have turned around! The Administrator of Mom's Estate made money disappear - not knowing I have all of Mom's originals! Someone is going down! But I get lost in all the paperwork as my concentration isn't the same as it used to be before this mess started! But no one does anything like this to my Mother!

Have a great day - I'll probably stay off the computer during the storms, some suppose to be heavy! Good napping weather, if I had the time!

Hugs for today!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 09:57:30 -0000

Granny..Thanks for the hugs & a kiss...Right back at you...Were you all black and blue? I was. This is my 3rd grandchild but it's been a long time since we had a baby. My youngest (grandson) grandchild just graduated from fifth grade and my oldest (granddaughter) is in high school. My grandson was the cutest baby. He had blonde curly hair and looked like little orphan Annie until his parents decided they could not let it get any longer or he would be mistaken for a girl. My granddaughter was also cute but she didn't get curly hair. It seems like so long ago that they were babies.

I have never been in a car accident as severe as what you have experienced. It must have been quite scary going through it. In my fall, I think that I was in a state of shock for a couple of days before the actual realization set in.

I was lucky in that my girls were here almost every day for the first two weeks. My oldest daughter actually helped me get my dinner before she left for work in the morning for the first week. After that my husband got dinners for about 2 weeks and now I am able to do most of that.

Sorry that you didn't have that help. How can family end up being so uncaring? My son in law and I had some difficulty getting along for a long time and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I often was the substitute mom for the kids when their mom was in the hospital and sometimes I had to step back and be a grandmother instead. It was difficult as my daughter and son in law were married so young and had such a difficult time for years. But incredibly they have been married for 16 years even though they were separated for a while. I think he was only 18 when they got married and for the first few years, he held down 2 part time jobs just to support his family and their medical bills almost undermined everything...my daughter was and still is asthmatic. But it has improved. My son in law and I often had differing opinions on what was best for my daughter. I don't think he ever thought that she was as sick as she was plus the fact that he always wanted to wait until she absolutely had to go the the hospital before taking her. And she would call me when she was absolutely breathless to ask if I would either take her to the hospital or take care of the kids. (I know it was a financial burden for them) For years they took all of their income taxes to pay off medical bills. Thank God that improved. Now my daughter works a part time civil service job and he works in a real good factory and they both have insurance.

Good idea about the towel! Only 11 more days now!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 06:36:17 -0000

PT Cruzr,

Congratulations on your Granddaughter! Is this your first Grandchild? You are in for so much joy being brought into your life! Please remember that when days are "downers".

I remember when my daughter was born - it was like having a real life baby doll - putting barrettes in her hair - frilly dresses, etc. Until she was about 2 years old. Oh well, it was fun!

About your refrigerated bottle - how about grabbing a dishtowel so it won't be so chilly?

Your fall sounded horrible! Isn't strange how sometimes things fall into place where we aren't as injured as we should have been? Like your door, now you have something else to add to your list! I'm glad it helped your computer though! When I have computer problems, I threaten mine that it's "about to meet the pond in the backyard"! I'd probably get caught and the Home Association would be all over me! Especially after breaking the driver side view mirror - 7 years of bad luck?!?! Great - just what I needed! After my accident, neither my husband nor my daughter ever called or came over to "check on" me. I was home a week earlier than planned so my girlfriends son (been my handyman for years) and his fiancee were here painting the interior, shampooing carpets and repolishing the hardwood floors. Thankfully, they went and did a little grocery shopping for me. My neck hurt and I was afraid to drive since I couldn't turn my head to see if the lane was clear!

Hang in there - July 8th is only 12 more days!! At least is less than just starting from the beginning.

Sending hugs & a kiss for your "ouchie"!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 03:15:09 -0000

Granny Hi thanks for rushing the calendar. Sounds like you had quite an accident. I think that I was lucky...I fell down the entire flight of stairs in my basement....about 10 steps and went from going forward to landing on my back at the bottom of the stairs and broke the door, but not my head...I was carrying my computer at the time...as you can see, it came out better than I did..in fact, I think it works better!!! So, my new recommendation about computers on the fritz...try throwing them down the basement stairs...see if it works better!!! But, seriously, I could have been hurt much more...if the door had been open I could have hit my head on the basement floor. As I lay there, trying to pick myself up with a broken hand on my right and a computer between me and the door, I decided that I should try to open the door with my good hand so I reached behind myself and slowly eased the door open and kind of slid down and then sat up to pull myself up ...all the while my mom was in her room and thought that I had left and slammed the door....But no mom, it was me that slammed into the door!! Anyway, I'm definately on the mend...(pardon my misspelling) Cars and computers are replaceable but not us so be careful... About the bottles, I told mom that there is one thing that I really hate doing in the morning and that is...taking a bottle from the refrigerator and having to put it under my arm to open it!!! Its a little chilly!! But my sister and I are sharing mom's care and I'm so glad she's here when she is. Mom goes back to my sister tomorrow for 3 weeks and then comes back here for a couple of weeks and hopefully after the summer, we will be able to keep her for a month at a time.
This week I also got to watch my daughter's ultrasound starring my granddaughter to be. That was wonderfully fun. She waved at us!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 19:30:42 -0000

PTCruzr,

You have always made my day when you respond as quickly as you do! I'm so sorry to hear about your broken arm - how did you do that?

I was in the south when I received the word of one of my favorite brothers-in-law past away and did another 11 hour drive to TX. On the way home, I was run off the road by a truck - it took me 3-1/2 weeks to recover. Thank God for the wonderful kind people behind the U-haul type medium size truck - they helped get the glass off my face (no blood) but my entire left side ached for over a week. I had a headache and was following my husband (who saw the wreck happen in his rear view mirror). Because of construction, we were done to one lane and this truck wanted to pass me. I got as close to the barrels as possible but hit a barricade (wooden)- it hit my side view mirror and broke the drivers side window! Glass everywhere! Then the State Trooper gave me an "Inattentive Driving" citation which I am fighting. I gave him a description of the driver - I only saw the hood of the truck - never the headlights. It was during the day. There was no right shoulder, I figured let the truck driver find out what happens as I pulled left - I was praying an exit would hurry up and appear! The State Trooper said none of the barrels were disturbed but the wooden barricade was demolished. I never saw the barricade between watching my rear view mirror and my husband in front - didn't want to hit it! I was out of my car for 3 - 1/2 weeks - $7500 (1K deductible).

I understand a little of what you are going through - my girlfriend had to come and wash my hair as I couldn't raise my arms to do it myself! That was the beginning of May.

Hopefully, you and your Mom are having some laughter as you both try and open bottles. Try to find some laughter somewhere. I'm finding humming helps a lot - I guess it's true - music does calm the beast!

Much hugs and I'll try and rush the calendar for you!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 18:33:49 -0000

? Great to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about the struggle to see the grandkids...that really hurts. I'm still in my cast from breaking my arm but that comes off July 8th...can hardly wait. In the meantime, I'm still struggling to get meals, etc. and waiting on mom but she is helping me with opening botttles and such which I can't do...also as you can see...typing isn't all that easy.
Keep strong and remember when yyou need to vent, we all check in from time to time...keep strong and keep gardening...I'm missing that this year..can't get my cast dirty...Write again!!

'Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 17:33:16 -0000

Hello PTCruzr and all,

It's been a while since I have checked in on everyone. It looks as American Patriot gave some much needed and helpful information.

I'm so sorry that life is still such a struggle with your ailing ones. I miss my Mother and Brother so much! I succeeded through another anniversary of the passing of my 17 yr old son (this year was the 17th anniversary) along with the 5th anniversary of losing Mom. But I still get "signs" from my Mom, Dad, brother and son.

My husband is still gone from our house. He and our daughter have started being cruel now. Sometimes I don't even know what the schedules are for my Grandsons (2) sports activities! Instead of answering any of their emails or phone calls (they just upset me even more - after I'm off the phone - won't give them the satisfaction!) - I got in touch with my ex-son-in-law whom I have always had a good relationship even during their divorce. He has told me that he will make sure "Granny will get more face time with the boys".

However, I'm still having difficulties. But now, instead of having so many "pity parties" - I'm looking for different solutions. On finances, I have just started scanning and sending to my husband telling him he "has to pay this bill". This pay period now, he'll be receiving a lot more of the bills so that I can "get out of the house" every now and then like I used to do. I'm finally getting caught up with 5 yrs of neglect on my gardens while I took care of my Mother - what a mess and timely project! What good therapy!

Anyway, I just received the email today - thought I'd reply. I pray for all of you still and think about you and my problems when I pull weeds with 10" roots - I usually say something like "and this weed is for the time . . . " and "how dare these siblings think they are so special". I still must remain anonymously for now with the legal issues going on - and I hope very soon (if I can finish the projects I MUST do for the attorney) I can reveal to you my identity. Prayers and hugs to all - you have become a part of my heart!

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