Great question Missy; I find those who post here know the right wording and are very compassionate. Caregivers do so out of love and respect, but rarely think of themselves before it's too late.
Well, I'd like to add my two cents, and hope that anyone and everyone who is a caregiver learn from my story. I was the caregiver for both of my parents, for years. I finally found a part time caregiver who could take my mother 3 times a week. I had already moved them both in with me (bought a house large enough), and had told my siblings, all of which never helped and even though some lived far away, they called only once a month to speak to mom and dad, but not me.
Then the worse thing that could happen did; I shattered my elbow and was in need of a caregiver myself. Ofcourse I notified the rest of the family, and not one person responded........ They did not believe that our parents were that bad. When the time came when each passed, it was me who notified the family. It was me at their deathbeds, helping them pass on with love and compassion. And it was me who was angry by everyone else's lack of concern over what was needed on a daily basis.
I lost both of my parents months apart about a year ago. Since then the siblings have reconciled with me, and only now do they recognize the health issues, and stress that I have gone through. Their lives didn't change due to my parents death as mine did. My parents were a huge part of my life. So I am dealing with memories that no one else has, but I also got to share time with my parents that everyone else didn't. I guess it's a good trade.
However, I would suggest if you're dealing with siblings or in laws that won't help, make sure that the person you're caring for has a living trust, and that you have a power or attorney over their health, financials, etc. This will benefit you as a caregiver, as you'll legally be in control to make decisions and be able to carry out their wishes and ensure that everything is handled correctly. Plus when people get to a point where they need a caregiver, you'll always have others that did not help begin coming around, since they're sure they will be entitled to any money or other items when the time comes. People's true colors come out when someone passes, unfortunately. I love Momsma posting; caregiving is very rough, but if you can see the laughter through the tears, then you know the real reason you're there.
Caregivers are normally very close to those they are caring for. Ofcourse it is a painful and tiring job. But speaking from experience, I would not have traded it for the world. In my care, my mother was always safe and happy. When I shattered my elbow, she was out of my care for two weeks and broke her hip...... So imagine me, about 3 weeks after surgery, with stitches in my head and my arm in a cast, as my father was too ill to go to the hospital with me. So been there, done that.
Protect yourself by speaking to the person you're caring for about a living trust, and ensure that they go to an attorney for legal advice. This way whatever is decided will stand up in court. And it's not that I'm looking at it as a way to get whatever you can from this person; it's to make sure you have the legal backing to carry out their wishes. Most people that don't step in to help when you need it and only want money will go about it illegally - so cover yourself, as you have enough to think about.
Ofcourse my family now sees what happened in the past. They have much more respect for what occurred, as they witnessed some of it firsthand. It doesn't matter anyway, as the one thing I want most in life is something I can't have, which is my parent's back with me.
But I now bear mental and physical scars, that even with time will never heal. Educate yourself on the options you have such as respite care, and when to make what decisions. Because in the end, most of the time, you're the only voice they have.
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Deb 
wishing you peace tonight deb
