I am only child so I have no siblings to help me with this matter. I feel like I'm caught in the middle when it comes to my Mom and Dad. Last week Dad was in ICU and the doctor discharged him to a nursing home for inpatient care. He was back in ICU over the weekend and returned to the nursing home yesterday. Dad can get extremely nasty with my Mom. He raised his fist at her the other day. On the other hand, I think Mom tries to help when she might be better off letting Dad fend for himself a little or let the therapist correct my father. I struggle with trying to find a middle ground whether I am there with them or if I am talking on the phone with my Mom getting updates while I am at home/work. Suggestions?
Hi Jodi! What a rough situation. It does sound like your mom needs to let the professionals do their job and speak up if they seem to be doing something out -of-bounds. Hm. Tough one. If he's being abusive, she should most definitely not let him be. Is he suffering from dementia at all, or is it just that he's angry at being sick?
He's never been diagnosed with dementia. He's had seizures since the 80s and in 2001, a water pocket was found at the base of his brain. He had some very serious mood swings when he was hospitalized for a week that same year. I know he's less than pleased about being in a nursing home. He thinks he should be at home but he is not strong enough. The best way to answer your question is that it could be a combination of things. He's been very confused. A friend of mine stopped in to see him and he told my Mom that a young woman was looking for me at the nursing home. He told the same friend that I would be coming to visit him every other day which I never promised because it's not realistic with me working full-time. He told me the other day he was going to watch a college football game 1) on a Sunday and 2) the game isn't until September. It's safe to say something is afoot at the Circle K!
It will be a most excellent adventure, I'm sure!
I wonder if it's something about his medications that is having an adverse affect on him. Are you able to discuss his meds and his actions with his doctor?
I've never met his family doctor. I had spoken with his former neurologist (Dad stopped seeing him) and he wanted to prescribe an antidepressant but my Dad would have to come and see him in order for him to do that. The doctor he had in ICU was the doctor assigned while the other doctor was on vacation. My mom sees the same family doctor and I know they've discussed my Dad before; I need to find out how much she has told him. I know when she was in last week they were discussing Dad's lung filling up with fluid.
I think it would be worth the effort to get your father in to see someone regarding this. It it's far outside his normal demeanor, they need to know and hopefully they will have means of addressing it. :)
I'll see what I can do. I'm about 2 hours away from where my parents live. I'll put the bug in my Mom's ear. Thanks for your encouragement.
Jodi:
Your mother also could do with some support from her peers -- other spousal caregivers, who have been there, done that. Please tell her about the Well Spouse Association, http://wellspouse.org
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