After suffering 2 strokes from congenital carotid atrophy, I lost my apartment by foreclosure in Dec. 2007. Basically homeless, my sister asked me to care for my uncle that was living with my parents to help relieve the pressure on my father who was handling all the household resposibilities. My mother and Uncle (brother and sister), were just being diagnosed with Alzeimer's and everyone was ambulatory and capable of fixing meals except uncle who used a walker and needed assistance in the bathroom. My sister who lives 2 minutes away paid me 150.00 a week to care for my uncle and I assumed the household chores and driving of my parents for room and board. I also got a part time job near home caring for an elderly couple. Aug. 2009, my uncle is incontinent, non-ambulatory, mother just had a mastectomy and her Alzeimer's has progressed where she cannnot fix a meal or perform any househould duties and finally my dad's legs have been causing alot of pain for him therefore he cannot do as much as he used too. I'm getting 135.00 a week to care for my uncle as I'm paying half for the service of a yardman as to allow more time attending to houshold duties. Nov. 2009, my sister informs me that I'm not doing my job good enough, that my uncle is being left to long between changings and that if I didn't keep up she will no longer pay me. My sister hires a convicted felon (promotion of a dangerous drug, theft 4) to help with the household duties. I was forced to get rid of my car that had been stored at my parent's that I had invested $16,000 in that needed $1000 more to be finished as I had put in $1300 over the summer. $540.00 is hard to spread in Hawaii. The car was towed yesterday. I think I'll light a candle for myself.
edit my candle story >
Hi Island,
It sounds like you really have your hands full. Have you ever looked into being paid by the Medicaid system to provide care for your loved ones? Here's a link to some possibly helpful information.
Islandluvv
Oh..my...lord.. and you're still standing? I hope you are documenting everything. Amazing that it makes you feel better (venting) and as proof, you may possibly need one day of your services and to protect yourself. I'm 24/7 with two terminally ill, with dementia, depressed and angry 85 year old parents. I have money and could leave, but just can't seem to.
I have a brother who lives 5 blocks away and used to never visit or help. He has no clue. And twice questioned something I was doing here. (Also remember that alzheimers and dementia people can make things up and you could actually get into trouble, some of them turn you in for abuse!)
So GIVE her a clue. My way, to work around brother's ..uh..arrogance was an emai, bsically saying: Jim, concerned because I'm having some back problems and that if anything happens to me, you need to have this list so 'someone' will know how to care for Mom and Dad (or whoever) and their personal needs. They are failing very fast, with increasing demands.
AND THEN I LISTED THEM. Didn't go overboard, but did add, 'brought Mom this" brought Dad that". It adds up as we know. Oh my gosh did my brother see the light. You see.. if I'm down, then HE would have to do it or HIRE someone and actually pay them real money. The person your sister has in the house is not acceptable. He could easily go back (or is probably already on) drugs. HE could take things and they = might blame you.
I can understand in your current financial condition how you're between a rock and a VERY hard spot. So,document everything. I even mentioned that ..Mom and Dad are so confused now, they keep saying I'm taking the glasses, or plates etc. Everything they misplace, they blame me for....I'm worried about what they might blame me for next." Covered all my bases. Give a copy to their doctors, or cseworker or whoever "So they can better understand their conditions".
Protect yourself and make a future plan..no matter how unreal it seems to you now. You have to look 'forward'. It will save your mind.
Take care.....
It sounds miserable. It would be interesting and informative to get your sister's perspective on all this. Is it safe to assume you have discussed this with her? Maybe she would also be willing to post her take on things. It all sounds so "off". How old are your parents and your uncle? What is your part-time job? How old is your sister? Is everyone getting the public assistance for which they qualify? How is your physical condition now? It's hard to imagine how you are doing all of this, if you're in poor shape yourself! Is there any way you can sell your car "as is" and make a profit of enough to get your own place, or suggest to your sister that that IS a possibility. And nagging in the back of my head is the question How long does your uncle go unchanged? It sounds like you really need some in-home care from an outside resource. And if your parents are retired and/or unable to work, perhaps they could pay something to you from their checks, and you could give up the part time job. Difficult situation, for sure. Be sure to find every resource possible--medicare in-home, etc. Good luck with everything. Be careful of your own mental health, too!
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