my mother's 'things'

Hi there,

This may seem like a simple question, but have you asked your mom what would make her happy?  Is she wanting to personalize some space in your home for herself?  Is she looking for alone time or time out with others that aren't you?  And I, of course, mean that with utmost respect.  I love my kids with all my heart but trust me when I tell you I TREASURE the small amounts of time I get without them.  

I wonder if you the two of you, when tempers aren't flared and frustration levels are low, could chat about what would make things better.  I'll admit it's tough to have that conversation with emotions coming to a head, but it's something to consider.

Now that I'm done with trying to help, let me just send some love your way.  I believe it stings.    You're working so hard to take care of her and she isn't realizing how hard it can be, even though you're willingly doing it.  I'm sorry she's hurting your feelings.  I hope you can come to a better understanding soon.

Thanks Missy, I'll try to have that talk with her. Our problem is alot of her things are in Arizona and we are in Florida. My brother's situation makes it hard for me to ask them to ship anything out here due to cost.  She has been so very materialistic that now she is having to learn there are other 'things'. I have tried suggesting a seniors group but she still has so many issues with how she looks after the stroke that she doesn't want to go anywhere except where she buys services. Money is an issue . We go to the beauty shop for haircuts and pedicare and that's fine, but she was in a rehab/nursing home with many activities and all she wanted to do was sit in her room and watch TV. She has agreed to go back in while my husband and I go to meet our 2nd gradndchild at leaset,but that was even an issue, she wanted to go back and visit Arizona even though she knows my brother may be losing his house.  She has alot to worry about and she is a great worrier. I will be more understanding next time, I just wasn't prepared for the suddenest of the outburst today. Thanks for listening, Sheryl

Just a thought, but your mom could well be lonely for someone her own age to talk with. As hard as you try, you're her child and not her peer. We all get lonely for people who understand first hand the things - both good and bad - that have been part of our lives.

Does your mother have any friends her own age with whom she could spend some quality time? This could be in person or over the phone. What about the place where she gets her hair done? When she goes, are there any other women her own age? Ask the hairdresser if there's someone your mom likes to talk to when she's there.

 If she doesn't know anyone: You've lived where you are now for a while, right? Have you gotten to know any neighbors or people from church or other places who are your mother's age. Talk with your mom about it first, and then if she agrees, invite someone over. Then get out of the way and let them enjoy each other's company.

It doesn't have to take a great deal of money to give your mom's life and spirits a boost. Use your imagination.

Oh, and as difficult as it might be, don't take those outbursts personally. Try putting yourself in your mom's place. It's got to be awfully frustrating knowing the impact you're having on your child's life and knowing there's nothing you can do to make things easier.

You'll make it. We all do.