I see my husband going down hill every day, but he tells me he is still fighting. I believe him, 5 years ago they gave him 8 weeks and we have 5 years. he is on Meds that make him put on more weight and he can't hold his water any more, can barely walk little bitty steps and is out of breath, uses oxgyen. I try to put it out of my mind but I see things that really worry me. My life is his life we have been married 40 years and even though he is sick I depend on him just being here. Our kids are so far, Las Vegas, Calif. and one child here, just newly wed in august and his wife is pulls him away as much as possible. I need him and he is so torn that its hard on him too. I do my best to leave them alone, I don't want any thing to
happen on my part.. Can you tell me what to do?
Thanks Jo Ann
Hi Jo Ann,
Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm glad you found us!
I'm so sorry your husband is suffering with cancer. 
I know it's tough as we lost my father-in-law to it several years back.
While I haven't got any great advice for you, I'm hopeful someone else will. There are lots of great folks who post in our community.
Thank you, Missy, appreciate you responding.
Jo Ann
My pleasure, Jo Ann. Even if I can't offer any great answers, I'm always here to give hugs and support.
Hi Jo Ann,
I know you must be really struggling! Life can be so hard! What a gift that you have had the chance to be together for an 'extra' 5 years. When my mom was dying last year, there was this little bit of time when we all knew she was going but then she didn't. She said to me.... "Its borrowed time" - and how special it was. My step dad said.... "Its a good thing she went first, because she knew she wouldn't be able to live without him." I say all this because the truth is, that at some time, maybe sooner then later from what you say, he will pass on and you must let him go.... and I know how hard that is! Make sure you say all the things you need to say to each other while you still can.
Your son and his wife - Try to find some balance. They need what you need too. And I think I'd try to find some support with some close girlfriends, or through a support group at your local hospice or hospital. And finally I think I would spend a little time each day in reflection of your self, sitting quietly, meditating, or writing about "who am I really". Some times I do this meditation kind of a thing where I keep asking myself who am I. Who am I without my husband, Who am I without my left hand? Who am I if I couldn't see? Who is observing this inside myself when I ask these questions? And then I just stop and pay attention. It helps me get in touch with a very peaceful place inside.
Hope this helps! Big hugs to you.
Thank you, I just feel so alone and I try to do every thing I know he wants. I see him so flustered cause he can't get out in words he wants to say., I know this is very hard for him he was never down always busy and doing for others. He is my other hand, even though he is sick I still do depend on him. Thank you for your words of help I do appreciate.
Jo Ann
Here I am again. Jo Ann, husband with Melanoma cancer, been through a lot but he is still a fighter.We just had an anniversery 43 years and that was a plessing. Ralph has a birthday coming up Jan. 13 and hope he will be able to enjoy.One set of doctors tell us that he now has wide spread cancer on the liver, hope this is wrong.Waiting for another set to tell us what they see. I am not ready to loose him, we just had a Grandson born in Dec. so in hope he could enjoy him some Since I have been told this I have been so sick and my nurves have gone wild. Does anyone know what they can do for cancer on the liver? More radision or Chemo? Hope they can do more. Help me again to get through this.I am very scared and don't want to be alone. Thanks J Ann / litehousegrannie@aol.com
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