How do you deal with Loss?

This is a great question ! I have also tried offering suggestions but when friends or loved ones are in this "funk", it IS hard to reach them. I've learned that just listening (when they feel like talking) is often enough for them. But I can't help feeling like I want to do more. It's hard to accept that I can't "fix" the problems sometime.

I have a friend who recently lost her father to a sudden heart attack. I offered my arms, I offered my shoulder, I offered platitudes and the promise that while the pain never goes completely away, it fades and life really, really does go on. I am  here if she needs me, and sometimes, just knowing that someone IS there gives a foundation to build on to return to life.

And what about their anger?  I can deal with it easily if I'm not directly involved. But when I or someone has that directed at them, then what?   I've heard it said that the anger is a lashing out because the person isn't able to accept or express their pain.  And somehow to be able to acknowledge it releases it.  How do we do that? Any ideas?

I don't know about others, but I havejust a couple of weeks ago experienced the loss of my father to cancer. I know that for us , my brothers, and sister, and mother, it was the hardest thing in the world , he was the greatest man I have ever known. We all grieved differently, some of us cried all the time , some of us just talked to him, in his last days, hoping he could hear us. I know I personally had accepted the fact that he was going to die, I am a nursing student, so I think that may have helped, somewhat. But my thoughts were that , he was suffering, and I knew he was more than ready to go, he had seen his grandmother, who raised him, he had seen his best friend, he was not afraid to die. So I knew he would be ok, so I guess that made it ok for me. I will miss him dearly, and I think about him everyday, but I would not wish him back to suffer like he was. I know my family, especially my mom, who spent her who life, 48 years with him, would not either. I know when I was going through the grieving process whe we first found out about his cancer, i was angry and depressed, and I was not a very nice person to be around, but after that, I mellowed out and went through all of the phases. I guess what I am trying to say is that we all grieve differently, some take things harder than others , some bottle it all up inside, some people let it all out. Everyone has to work it out in their own time. Time it just takes time.

It does take time and everyone is different. One lady said to me she didn't know what to say to me when I returned to work recently, my mom just passed on. I was so happy to respond to her. I told her while smiling, its funny that she said she didn't know what to say because "we" the person who has suffered the loss does not know what to say as well and that it was ok because we feel just as ackward equally. All I can say is try to take one day at a time and do what you need to for that day to get through that day and worry about tomorrow when it gets here until you can do more.

Bless you. I'm so sorry for your loss.