Helping family members get past barriers to taking action

Hi Meg,

Geez, dealing with passivity is such an issue.  And in my family it turns into this passive aggressive thing  so you regret ever trying to do anything because of the resistance etc. Then I feel like let them stew in their own juices then, and then I start to feel guilty, and then I try to do something. and then  be the heavy pushing everyone and making them all feel resentful :>)  such an unpleasant cycle.   So that is one part of it for me.  Maybe you too?  

One thing that seems to work, and I know other people have posted the same idea elsewhere here in the conversations, is about bringing in the expert outsider which helps cut through the family dynamics issues.    2 ways to do this occur to me.  

Talk to a social worker from your local area agency on aging, and see if they will come in and evaluate the situation.... under the guise of looking at the needs of your mother.  They can 'give permission' for your father in law to have a break. 

Another related idea is to talk to their doctor, and see if she will help convince fatherinlaw to have an evaluation done at home, and look at services, respite, etc. 

What do you think?   Hope this helps!

Thanks for the message, Rebecca.  Yep, I've definitely gone through the cycle of behaviors and responses that you refer to.  Your suggestions are good ones.  Thanks!