Hi there,

I'm so sorry it's been a slow road getting your father-in-law into a long-term care facility. I absolutely hear the frustration in your post. :-(

When I read your mention on his sexual advances, I remembered reading a question posed by another member an answered by an expert. You can check it out here. I hope you find it helpful!

Try contacting you local American Legion office. I got this benefit for my husbands uncle in a very short period of time. it was a godsend. The man at the american legion knew who to contact to fasttrack the request

You can also go directly to the local VA office. The staff there is very kind and helpful, and even helped me complete the paperwork.

what a mess!

first of all, START by telling him "DAD, why are you DOING this? i'm your DAUGHTER." that is a wake-up call, (unless he doesn't get it, or does get it and doesn't care.)

my primary advice with inappropriate behaviours is to treat them as inappropriate behaviours.
my mother often acts like a naughty child, and when she does, she gets treated like one!

back when your father-in-law was a womanizer, or "ladies man," i'm sure he got more than a few bad reactions. let me guess, he only does it when the two of you are alone?

five years ago, my mother was in a memory care assisted living for six months and was harrassed by several men there. administrative intervention did no good. my mother knew she was only there temporarily and didn't want to cause the eviction of these men. she was higher functioning than they were, and she knew it.

she explained to me that in their minds, only one response would put out the fire - a good slap across the face... she was right! they stopped. one slap did it in most cases. in one case a private slap was not enough. but after a gentle but humiliating public slap, the behaviour stopped

with your father-in-law, if you sass back at him or speak to him firmly (as though you are untouchable,) it will only egg him on. in fact, there is no verbal retort which won't. so my advice - prepare yourself - is to slap him across the face as though you are an army hospital nurse. tell him to keep his hands (or his dirty thoughts) to himself. THEN walk away. ideally, this will happen when he is stuck on the toilet or wherever.

if you cannot bring yourself to do this, the other approach i use with my mom when she does things that make caregiving impossible is to remind her that the ONLY thing standing between her and a NURSING HOME is ME. THIS my mother gets right away, and she ALWAYS chooses her cozy life at home with my family, and becomes compliant.

please don't be shocked by this. instead, hold onto your rightful shock at his behaviour, and everyone else's apparent lack of concern over it...

c.suzanneMcable2009

Wow! I know how you feel it wasn't until recently that my family got out of denial about my mothers condition. However, they still are not totally acceptng of it, I just feel like taking a 2by4 and knockin the hell out of them (LOL). But, Please don't try this at home you don't need a jail sentence (lol)

Here's a better solution,see if any of the other siblings will take him for a weekend just to give you a break. In other words, instead of telling the family about his issues let them see it first hand. A friend of mine told me to do this and it worked like a charm. My mother is out of town and staying with relatives for a month and now our conversations are much different. Now they are showing concern and asking questions but, they had to see first hand what I do on a daily basis.

Thats the only way they will understand, talking is not enough. Also, I don't know how your finances are but, I would send them a list of expenses and let them know if the weight is going to fall on your household its the least they could do to help out financially. Trust me I know, I love my mom to pieces but, she is just like a kid she has no concept of money or time. I tried to explain this to my family but, it wasn't until they spent time with her that they saw what I was talking about.

I had one family member ask me for receipts, for tax purposes for their fianancial support. I gave her what she wanted, her whole attitude changed she now just sends a check (lol). People don't understand the fianancial and mental stress it takes to take care of someone with Alzheimers/dimentia.

I hope this helps God Bless

I read the posts from others and hope you use the advise given. In reading your post it was like reliving the last 5 years for me and my family. This is a cruel disease anyway but very difficult when it comes to the inappropriate behavior no matter the form it takes. Dealing with a government agency is soooo much fun especially the VA :-). We have been through round 1 and are getting ready for round 2. I really appreciate the advise from others and will be making inquiries based on their suggestions. I just discovered a local group through the Area Agency on Aging (AAA)and after reading their booklet I wish I had known about them 5 years ago. Better late than never. I am calling tomorrow to ask about having a case manager assigned. Hang in there and know you are not alone. I am sending a huge hug!