Hello all,
My boyfriend's father has been dealing with some serious health issues lately, on top of that he is in a stressful marriage. I can't think of one time when I was around his parents and they are not arguing. Recently my boyfriend told me that he was going to confront his stepmom about not stressing out the father due to his poor health. I am afraid that my boyfriend is really not dealing with his fear about his father's illness in a healthy way. I told him that I thought it was a bad idea and suggested that he talk to his dad about stress management because the parents are constantly fighting and it takes two to tango. I feel in some ways that I am not being supportive enough....but at the same time, I don't want him to think he can change the situation when it is something that is out of his control.
My Sister and I have decided that my parents relationship is what it is. Somehow, as hard as it seems to us, they're used to it and there's nothing we can do. In fact, in a weird way - it's all they know and they wouldn't know what to do without arguing.
That said, we make a point of listening to our father (or our stepmother when she talks to us) and being as sympathetic and supportive. If there's room in the conversation, we offer gentle advice when either appear to be open to it.
My sister and I focus on taking our Dad OUT and showing him a good time as often as we can. This usually involves a short walk, or a trip to Denny's - but it's great for him (and great for his wife to have some alone time too). We also bring movies that we can all enjoy together.
It's a very touchy situation. Good luck, and remember - you probably can't fix it, but you can be "there," for him and supportive.
Let him Divorce her otherwise He is dying sooner
I agree; it is exhausting to be in the middle of parental screaming matches...I cannot believe they have been going at it for 59+ years. My Mother has stage 4 breast cancer. Recently, she phoned me to say that her doctor had told her she was Stage one cancer again (from stage 4).I live 200 miles from them, feel like I have been phone counseling for years. I limit my visits with them, and try to figure out if there are life-threatening concerns, physical pain, immediate needs for money, etc. I feel like I never get a straight answer from either parent. Gosh; just writing this helps me understand my level of frustration with them. No wonder I want very little contact.
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