I’m 21, and am 1 of 4 siblings in my family.. My parents got divorced 11 years ago and ever since I could remember, my dad has had an anger problem.. He runs a national business, he’s very hyperactive, and loves to help people especially financially.. If you met my dad, he appears to be very nice and fun to go out with but you can’t let him fool you. He would love to get a chance to help you in any way shape or form to “show off” it seems.. what he’s really doing is kind of setting a trap almost.. He has taken everyone in his personal life and bribed them with money and a job making it sound like the perfect lifestyle having lots of vacations and ect: but the thing is that he uses it against people in the future, he feels that we don’t give him what he deserves in return.. therefore he gets angry.. very angry.. it’s not just that, that makes him mad but its everything. He’s like a perfectionist and if something is not done his way, he blows up once he blows up, he screams so loud, cursing, accusing, making fun of people, threatens our jobs… he’s the most controlling person I know.. if we mention anything about him getting mad or about how he needs to deal with stress differently,, it gets worse.. Nobody wants to try and help him because, we all work for him.. My brother who is almost 20 just got out of the hospital of 5 days suffering from depression and anxiety which I believe was caused by my dad from getting yelled at all his life for everything.. Since then, my dad still yells at him and makes fun of him for his anxiety, him being a loser, not helping my dad in certain things which is the worst thing to do to someone that is suffering from depression and anxiety.. especially to your son. He’s the scariest person on the planet.. I start shaking every time he starts to call me on the phone or is on his way in to work..I think it’s a mix of like bi polar disorder, anger management, anxiety.. My grandpa suffered from depression and was a very angry man in his younger years as well.. Somebody please help me and tell me what to do.. how to approach him with help.. He’s killing all of us slowly especially himself.. He’s been the main reason why are family is growing further away from each other.. Please let me know what I have to do.. I’m begging. I can go on and on about him and the things he does that makes me and the rest of my family goes crazy.. Somebody respond!!
Hi Collin,
Welcome to Caring! I'm glad you joined us.
I know this sounds like some tough love, but there's an easy answer here. You've talked to your dad about his issues. You've attempted to guide him in getting help. If he's unwilling and/or unaccepting to recognize their issue, there is only one thing you can do to protect yourself. Leave the job. If you, or anyone in this situation, stops depending on Dad, he can't hold that over your head. You know?
It may seem hard to move away from working with him for various reasons, but it seems logical. Perhaps when your dad sees that his anger issues are pushing those he loves away, he'll realize getting help is important.
Keep us updated. And I'm also hopeful someone else will have specific advice regarding depression and anger management.
The thing is, is that i am closing on my first home next friday.. If i wasnt closing on a house so soon, i would leave my job but now im just in a huge pickel. Before i had two choices.. either move out so that i can eliminate being with him half the time. Or get another job.. I chose to move out and buy my first house since i like what i do.. I dont have a degree in anything since he sucked me into his company right out of highschool. So I guess time will tell whether or not it will help that ill be out of the house.. But if he ended up firing me from here then i would have more problems... It just seems like i have to worry about something no matter what since hes very unpredictable.
Congrats on your house! That's wonderful! And I can definitely understand why you'd choose having your own living arrangement rather than losing your job. Truthfully that sounds pretty win/win in the absence of another job offer.
I know this sounds far fetched, but have you ever thought about setting limits with your dad? I sometimes find that people behave badly because others allow them too. Do you think it's totally out of the question to calmly tell him he's out of line? And your answer may very well be "yep. He'll freak out even more." And I'm definitely a believer in picking your battles.
I probably haven't been of much help here, but hopefully someone else will have something brilliant to say. 
My heart goes out to you, I have a very controlling mother--and i have found that to prevent
the pain for yourself and your other family members you will start your own type of controlling and Codependence, living with someone like this really does breed family illness--so i would look into a good counselor for yourself. I always thought that Codependence was something about an Alcoholic in the family, it is not, you may not be struggling with Codependence but please take the take the time to read up on it, you are young and can save yourself and those around you alot of pain. Find someone who will Listen, small group or if you need to make an investment in counseling -- you are worth it. Your hurt and anger needs to be put to words so you can detach from your Dad's emotions and anger and you can find a way to be stable. I would also recommend the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I found it very helpful. I don't know it this helps but i Wish you the best.
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