My husband (43)and I(43) have ended up being the primary caregiver to my mother 80 and both of his parents 75 &78. We had to make a decision about 3 years ago to move our family of 4 into my mothers home to care for her- as she need 24 hr care - she can't walk very well due to Arthrutis and she now has a trach for breathing. My husbands parents are 3 blocks away-thank goodness, his father has a bad back is now unable to stand for more than 2min at a time, just got wheelchair. His mother is finding it harder to do everything so we are now having to do more and more for them. My 2 daughter have been our only help they are now 20 & 17. Both me & my husband work full time. my 17 year old stays with my mother during the day in the summer til we get home-when scholl start then my 20 year old will pick up the day shift. My mother only has her SS which pays for medical ins - We have absorbed all financial responsiblities fro the home and care for my mother. not much if any left over... Can't afford dependable caregiver to come in. would take my paycheck monthly. My husband just had his 1st full day caregiving with his parents -- not quite sure how he is going to handle it all. or me..
This is my first time on any kind of support site - guess I am just rambbling on. I have two siblings an older in years only sister and an older brother. My sister is (57) an disabled(she calls me to help too) and my brother is (51) who is truck driver and has his hands full with his own family. My husband has a older sister(51) but she lives out of state with her family.
We are now working with both mine & his parents to get all of their Wills and Financial matters in order and to document what their wishes are on everything.
Any input on anything would be appreciated,
We have come to the conclusion that our life will not be our own for a very long time.
I am so sorry this has all fallen on your family. It's a very tough position to be in. Have you thought about contacting hospice in your area? Most people are not aware that this agency does way more than just helping with the terminally ill. Another thing might be meals on wheels and if you do some research, you might find in your state that there is a program that will reimburse you for so much money a year for having someone come in to help them which might give you a break once in a while. My father has Alzheimers & my mom has had a stroke, they are 84 years old, but I was fortunate that they had long term health care insurance which has helped tremendously. We've had our ups & downs and they are now in assisted living which has required a tremendous adjustment by my parents and we're not there yet. Please explore the hospice agency. I was surprised at all they can do and all the information they can give you. By all means get the legal stuff in order - durable powers of attorney, health care power of attorney, living wills, etc. We went through that too. A year ago, my mother gave my Dad with Alzheimers authority to act in her behalf if she couldn't! You never know..............Good luck. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
Hi Susie,
Welcome to Caring's groups! I'm really glad you found us and decided to post. You'll definitely find some good support here.
I have a few thoughts, which may or may not be a good idea for your family.
Does your mom own her home? What about your in-law's? If there is no money for in-home care, perhaps a reverse mortgage would be a good option for you and your family. The poster above me gave some good advice about meals on wheels and hospice. You may also want to contact your local Area Agency on Aging. They can tell you about other programs near you that may offer some assistance.
Keep us updated!
Thank you for the information - I will check out all the suggestions.
My Mom does own her own home, and we did look into a reverse mortgage, but since we gave up our rental home to move in with her, and we are financially stressed with the additional cost of upkeep for the home and my mother that we could not see being stuck out in the cold with no place to live when we have to place her in a home or she passes because thats when the loan comes due. None of my siblings are helping with anything, My brother only listens when she complains we are taking over her home and I don't take her out of the house every weekend. Then he lisens to me when I try to make sure no one thinks we are not caring for her right.
As for my husbands parents we are just now getting into the day to day help with them. They have the money to support themselves and anything they need but they just need physical & mental support and they don't want me a part of it. My husband is having to expalin that we are partners which makes us both involved, just like with my mother.
Thank you again for the information.
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