'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:31:32 -0000

My daughters mother in law is not currently living with them, but she calls and is there constantly. She likes to sleep in and start her day in the afternoon. She frequently shows up to "talk" at 8 at night just when they are trying to wind down and get the kids in bed. She refuses to leave, even if they go to bed and turn out the lights. One night my daughter came home very late with both kids and found her parked in the driveway because her son had gone to bed!

She trys to play the parent role and continually makes demands on the kids. She orders them around, tells them what to do, tells her son and my daughter how to raise them, etc. All of this usually ends in screaming, shouting, and lots of anger.

Finally they have sought professional counseling. If it can not be settled there, they will refuse to make contact with them. That will be very difficult has he is an only child. However, it has gotten so that it is totally unexceptable. She has no other friends and her family no longer makes contact with her because of her constant need to be in charge.

I witness it all and have tried to become her friend, but it is very difficult for me.

'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by funnybunny @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

funnybunny — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:21:12 -0000

Well I do wish you the best---but one needs to get in front of issues sometimes it is very necessary in order to to stop the on going in-put of others and especially one that lives with you to say ---This is My choice and you did your time with how you took matters with your family while I feel it is important that you care please remember that I think I should deal with matters my way----Good Luck Lady---seems people and family like to put their thinking I have my self but it is when My Daughter seems to be in need of different ways due to alot of stress she needs my point of view but still trying not to beat her down---ok----- Wish you the best living with family members can be very hard and still fun too

'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by SandyN @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

SandyN — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:31:56 -0000

If someone has a great solution to this I would love to hear it. My mom has lived with us for 19 years and while she at one time was an active involved person who helps us to raise our three kids, now that she is in the early stages of dementia, she just constantly complains about everything they do. My son is almost 14 but has special needs (autism spectrum disorder and learning disabilities) and functions more like a 10 year old. My mom can no longer understand that and she herself often seems to function at about that age or even younger. They are constantly fighting over everything. My son overreacts quickly to criticism, yelling and throwing things. Although we have tried to talk with him about where Grandma is at intellectually and emotionally with her dementia, he really cannot grasp it. It is driving me crazy because she gets him all riled up and then I have to deal with the fall out, plus it is not really a healthy environment for her either. This sandwich generation thing really stinks!!!

'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:50:37 -0000

But what if Grandma isn't willing to talk unless she's in charge and it's her way or you all are not worthy - what then?

'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by okiensebrk @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

okiensebrk — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:23:49 -0000

I have 4 extras in my household and the way I found to make it work is for me to go to work outside the house. I do that or get in the car and go to a friend's house for an hour or so or go shopping. Space is the issue and privacy. I will also go into the bedroom and read. There have to be boundaries and since this is my house I set them immediately. You must do that. There should be a signal or sign to be given before the stress hits its peak. THis needs to be decided in unison in a family meeting in a time of calm. It is very, very, hard but can be handled if you all act like adults and handle it as such. TALK TALK TALK!!!!!!

'Battles as the sandwich generation' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:59:13 -0000

I've been reading around a bit about families and how sometimes there are more than two generations living in one household.

How does one handle, say, mother-in-law, if she's living with you so you can care for her, and she's constantly telling you that your teenage daughter needs to dress differently, have a different curfew, and not take certain classes? How does one say, "I will raise my daughter the way I see fit" without stress and tension resulting?

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