What do I do now?

I understand because at this time in my life my father in law had 3 small strokes he can't taste food any more and he still drives and he gets lost and he pees off the front porch at his home.he says he is not going to a nursing home. But we are ok because his wife and and i are trained aids so that helps. It sounds like you might need someone to come into your home and help you take care of him.Go online to www.cambridgehomehealth.com or www.betterhomehealth.com or www.unionhospital.org Call and ask them if you can talk to their nurse and see what she says

i'm not a professinal care giver nor am i an expert on caregiving. but as one looking through a window, it seems to me that your husband is in heavy denial. which is normal in most illnesses but not this extreme and not for such a long time. call a therapist and/or phyciatrist and try to talk to them they well may send an ambulance and put him in a hospital bed. there he can be observed and treated 24/7. as far as peeing off the porch, he may be doing this to prove to you and more to himself that he is independent enough to take care of these problems. good luck

I don't know if you can do this or not, but there are two things to try. First, ask him if he would write out, with your help. a letter to ALL Doctors, that he gives his permission to them to tell you all about his whole medical history and present condition..Make one for you too for him to be allowed to be informed...and both of you sign the appropriate letters. Your Dr. may be able to give you such forms, and he may have no qualms against doing it, when it is to help you too. After all, you could be injured and unable to speak or something and he might need to be able to tell ER people what they need to know, or find out something. I have such a thing with my stubborn, and proud of it, hubby.n Next, if you have a diagnosis of dementia, there may be a paper you can get from the doctor that allows you to be the one to decide on anything he might need. I have that here in Germany, a paper that gives me the right, when he is a bit more disabled, to send him to the hospital, know all his meds, request other procedures, take his name off of bank accounts, or allow others to access them..(that is almost non existent here,hubby and wife have their own bank cards and are not even supposed to use the other one with consent and knowledge of the pin_...this paper is called a vollmacht, I think it is like a power of attorney..... If you can get something like this, then if he goes in the hospital once, you can keep him there till something reasonable is done.. Charlotte This sounds amazingly like my husband.

There is no easy answer when dealing with a man that refuses medical care. This seems to be typically a male tendency. You didnt mention if this is a new problem or one you have seen throughout your 25 years together. I would think if this is something new, you must speak to a health care professional to guide you on how to handle this. If your husband has always balked at going to the doctor, and is typically difficult to live with when he feels bad, that would be something entirely different. This is the type of man my husband was. He refused to go to a doctor, or if he did go he rarely heeded the advise. Unfortunatly you cannot do anything about his decisions to seek help. You do, however have control over how much you are willing to take of any verbal or physical abuse you may be dealing with at home. You can lovingly let him know how much you care about his health, and that you care for your own as well. Walking on eggshells is no way to live. I can say this firsthand. Draw a line with him and his behaviors. It wont be easy, but it really sounds like your life is pretty difficult already.

Whatever sent him to seek the original appointment will not magically go away. He may be 1) fearing the worst, and if he doesn't hear it, it doesn't exist or 2) Even if it is bad news he just would rather cash in and save everybody the trouble of caring for him or caring about him.

Is there a person your husband trusts that you can ask to talk to him regarding his health? If you ask his Dr. to call you and tell his Dr. about your concerns, perhaps he can explain in a caring way that you love him and are worried about him. If he is clinically depressed he may not care about himself, but may care about you enough to go back to the Dr.

I applaud your efforts and hope things work out.

Thank you all. It started about 3 years ago, when he got sick. His sleeping problem has been for about the same amount of time. I know that he has diabetes(sp?)but his dr. says he doesn't. I don't think his dr. knows what he is talking about. His dr. tells him that everything is fine, ha! Anybody who's feet and legs swell like balloons all the time and sleeps constantly, well okay maybe not constantly,but alot, is not okay. And because this dr. tells him what he wants to hear then everything must be okay. The only reason he won't call them back is because he thinks that they want him to sign up for the dr. diet plan, which would cost us $300. I pretty much have given up on my husband. If he wants to die, then there's not alot I can do about it. I'm to tired to fight him anymore.

Little Angel Wings, Your story is almost word for word like mine with my husband. Denial? Do men do this? WOW! Do fish swim??? I just posted a response as an answer to my original earlier this morning before reading your post!
It took an old friend of my husband's to finally get him to go to a doctor who knew what was going on.
One doctor put my husband on a double dose of diuretics (to make him eliminate water) but he was going into kidney failure, so it wasn't happening.
In the ER, when he finally let me take him there, that doctor told us he was carrying around 15 liters of extra fluids! That's like 7 and a half 2 liter bottles of pop? Holy cow! He was literally drowning in his own fluids! He had a blood clot in his heart, congestive heart failure, and his thyroid function was practically non-existant! And oh, do I hear you about being worn out!
Dear heart, there is hope though...for the time being, my story has a happy ending! Within two thyroid pills my husband was so much improved it was like a miracle. He is home from the hospital and nursing home now, feeling 'fine as frog's hair' and 60 # lighter! And easier to get along with! I extend (((HUGS))) to you and your husband... and prayers also.

Thank you so much.Go fer..that's great. I'm glad everything worked out for you and your hubby. It took a friend of my husbands to tell him to go to the hospital when he had nuemonia 2 years ago. When we got him there, the dr's told me that I brought him in just in time.He was barely breathing. About the same time he got sick, I found a lump in my left breast. I went to the dr's and they wanted to do all kinds of test. Well to make this story short, we have no insurance and I'm still paying on my husbands bills, so no tests. It turned out to be an abcess. It popped 6 months ago and is still oozing. I deal with it.The lump is gone for now. I work four jobs a week, so I'm not spending much time at home but my kids tell me,when he's not working,he's eating or sleeping.His biggest problem is he eats then goes right to sleep. I can't stop him from doing this,it's like a habit for him. His friend talks to him about his weight but he won't listen and he definately won't listen to me,so I just let it go and try to get the bills payed.What else can I do?