It sounds like what might work out well for you is a break.  Is respite care available in your area?  Sometimes respite can be given for a few hours and somethings as long as several days.  Is your family willing to help out at all...even in small increments of time?

no not really sometime but she really burn alot of family members . thank you missy for the help anyway .

Missy is right.....some respite care for even a day a week would be beneficial to you.

No one should be a caregiver without a little help.  Even though you are getting paid, you need a break.  If your grandmother is being seen by homecare OR if she isn't, contact one and get some help from them. They have aides who can come and stay and give you a break....without a break, stress and resentment will happen.   Please contact a homecare for an evaluation of your situation.  Good Luck.

Of course she needs a break or at least some help from her family.  Respite care is wonderful but that at least in my area is $300 per day and hourly care is $19 a hr. with a four hour minimum, Day Care is just as expensive.   And that's out of pocket as it's not covered unless you have long-term care insurance.  To hire someone independent of a company you have to pay for their health insurance make sure to take income tax out  of their paycheck etc  and that's  if you find someone qualified that you trust then your right back at the expense involved with going through a company.  Siblings mine and hers don't even acknowledge the extent of her  failing health.  Basically, I'm on my own and it sounds like she is too.  I personally feel you can't go wrong doing the right thing.

Please please do get respite. I am glad you realize that your grandmother is acting differently because of her illness...just focus on the good she had done for you and small things she has taught you and that will help you get through. Perhaps it will soften your family..who knows? The one thing I do know is you need to get respite. IF your grandmother or your grandfather were in the military, contact your local Veterans administration and get a home health aide and it will not cost you anything.

You can also ask your grandmothers doctor to help you find a respite service. Sometimes local social service agencies have elder care services and they supply respite for free (which they are able to do via grant money).

Please take care of yourself.

Peace

alexis m

I have been taking care of my grandmother as a live in caregiver for 2 years now and its because I love her but let me make it plain that if I could go back in time I would never have taken on this job.  I went from a young 42 to a very old 44, I have put on close to 40 lbs, I am depressed I dont have a real job so no insurance so I cant go to the Dr. I have no social life I have people come in so I do get out but its in the afternoons so I dont have a night life at all. I am always on a schedule and its never my own. It is not feasable for 1 person to take care of someone 24 hours a day even with help without it taking a drastic toll on the caregiver, I am now short tempered, angry most of the time and feel trapped because I feel like I have to do it now, where I started out wanting to do it for her. The only good thing is I know she is being well taken care of, I would not recommend that anyone take on the responsability of full time caregiver unless they have a very good support system and other people willing to help alot with the care.

I sympathize with you 100%. In my case, it is my aunt. I am 54. I am all she has and I resent any other family members giving me their 2 cents because; unless they are willing to do it for even 3 days....I don't want to hear it. Hind sight is great isn't it? I would have never cared for my aunt if it was going to take up all of my time and get no help. I am approaching 5 years! I fully understand where you are coming from. I find myself babbling to almost anyone who will let me talk. I feel like I lack social skills now.   At some point "WE" have to decide enough is enough and move on OR find something to occupy us at home. I am concerned for my own future. Employers do not want "old", they want a 30 something with 20 years of experience....I take a walk every day with my dogs. It is not a long walk. I appreciate them so much because it takes so little to make their tails wag.

The anger is normal. The guilt of wanting to walk away is normal. I know that you love your grandmother and the fact that you are doing this proves it.  YOU have inner strength and inner beauty that will shine each day.

I hope you find your peace. We have choices although they are hard ones to face. I hope and pray that God will find grace for me as I continue this journey I am on. I will pray that He continues to shed his grace on you as well.

YOU are not alone...Peace & Love be with you always!

I just want to say to those who are full time caretakers of grandparents, parents, spouses, or aunts, that you are all saints. I took care of my mother for years before she finally went into a facility two months ago. I couldn't do it anymore and had a family at home waiting for me to spend time with them, let alone go to my kids events, etc. Know that what you are doing is so wonderful and that you are amazing people to be doing it. I know it wears you down but few people have the heart to take care of others at their own expense and I think it is the greatest and most noble gift you can give anyone - to take care of them, sometimes endlessly, and usually without any appreciation. You have to know that if they could, they would thank you profusely and endlessly. Remember when they were well and what they would have said to you knowing that someday you'd be caring for them. They wouldn't even be able to thank you enough. You will know for the rest of YOUR life that you made such a huge difference in the life of someone else - someone you love but who can't tell you that you are so important and so appreciated. It takes a very special person to do what you are doing - you need to gain strength from knowing that. Give yourself pats on the back and feel good about what you chose to do even if you regret it now. You might not be able to do it forever but for whatever time you've done it,  you gave the ultimate gift  - the gift of yourself and your care. Nothing is better than that! I can only hope there is someone like you when it is my time to be cared for.