We moved to a new community a year ago (have not yet sold our other house) and then moved the inlaws near us a few months later. My father inlaw is using a walker (89) and my mother inlaw has demensia issues (78). About 6 months into their new apt, there were complaints regularly about the other residents worrying about them. My husband is an only child and also likes to avoid issues with people, so we moved them to another apt over Thanksgiving '08. Its now January and we are getting the same complaints although none of it is safety and the health stuff is being addressed and shouldn't be their concern. Its more about inconveniencing people and the fact that my husband chose to give them daily care and not pay the $1400/mo assessment. They want us to them move out again. Every move makes mom worse. Right now they are able to pay their own way - asst living is going to take them out of that category and the new place may not let them stay long either. The administrator at one place said there are not good options for the middle stages of memory loss. So do we: (1) keep them where they're at that they can afford and want to be (5 minutes from us) and deal with the headaches, (2) do we put them in another apt with asst living services that they can't afford and will probably be bumped into nursing care shortly thereafter and will no longer be able to share a bed, or (3) do we put them in a dementia facility when my father inlaw doesn't have it and residents all seem to be in a fog, but they can stay in one place until the end (very expensive)? Why don't we have better choices? I will need better choices for myself when I get there!
Hi Too Much,
I'm curious. What type of complaints are you hearing? I think that would help me think through your situation.
Hi Missy,
Thanks for your response. Complaints included wandering into others rooms, not knowing the day, not eating breakfast, going downstairs to ask for food, can't get downstairs in an emergency, dad doesn't go down and visit with others, plugging the toilet.
In their defense, they had only been there 2 weeks when complaints started, they had to lose their little dog when they moved, mom quit smoking, they have food (my husband buys her groceries and meals on wheels comes in), mom gained 8 lbs. since moving in, they've been to the doctor 2-3 times since the move, and the plumber told my husband they were not the cause of the overflow.
We have called an advocate who is trying to help.
Too Much
Hi - Back again. So much happens so quickly. My in-laws were finally evicted because they had too much income for the housing unit (even though the apartment knew what their income was when they moved in). So we moved them to a new apartment in a different town and that lasted about 2 months and dad got dehydrated and was hospitalized and then moved to a nursing home for two weeks. Mom couldn't be by herself, so she was moved into the memory care unit. When he came back last week, after a couple days she threw a fit and tried to pull his catheter out so now she's in the mental unit of the hospital and they're telling us that now they can no longer live together, so again they have to be moved. This is exhausting. On top of that, the county is charging my husband with financial exploitation and we have to deal with that. But I see on this site that so many people are being put through the same garbage at a time when they need a supportive system, not an adversary. How do we change the system to be more compassionate toward families who are clearly experiencing an ordeal?
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