I'm curious as to what your husband thinks about all this?  Does he feel obligated to take his parents in?  Or otherwise support them?  If he's on board with them helping themselves, you may want to start the local Area Agency on Aging in their area.  They're often a good spot to get connected with available resources.

What's difficult is that neither is eligible for Medicare yet unless they've been deemed disabled for 24 consecutive months.  Perhaps because of their asset and income limits they would qualify for programs like Medicaid, food stamps, electric/gas assistance and government housing. 

My husband is just avoiding the idea.  He says they can live on very little and they will make do.  They are very nice people but my husband isn't overly interested in being a part of their life except around holidays, etc.   He is the only child though.  It's all on us.  

My husband is also finishing school and will eventually (hopefully) get a good job and make good money (not 'great' money like his parents assume).  I think they see things with rose colored glasses and feel that we have a lot to offer them.  We ARE doing very well with our own savings/retirement but we cannot begin to limit that to support them or WE will end up being 63 with nothing.  It's a tough situation.  

Also - my mother in law gets ~$700 a month for disability - she's been disabled for years.

I guess I'm concerned that if we don't figure something out now we'll wait until they are completely helpless and have to deal with all then.  I do NOT want anyone living with us.  I wouldn't even want my own parents living with us (which works well for them since they have Long-term care insurance, etc.) 

My first thought is to follow your husband's lead on this, but I understand what you're saying about it all coming to a head in a few years and needing an immediate solution.  Unofrtunately, even in a few years I'm afraid the answer would be public assistance. 

I'll be interested in hearing from others who have dealt with this situation personally.  Hopefully they'll have some great advice. 

I have been in this situation but my in-laws were a lot older. We gave money when we had it but I don't recommend that. Nor do I ever recommend that you have them move in with you--you'll want to start your own family. First, if your father-in-law served in Vietnam, you might want to tap into veterans benefits. There are 3 different pensions--basic, housebound and aid and attendance. Second, check into getting disability for him. Third, look into Medicaid (it's Medi-Cal in California). There are a lot of services they might tap into. There might be inexpensive or free services they could use--like how to budget their existing money, maybe getting a reverse mortgage, legal aid to protect their assets. Some benefit agencies look at your net worth but allow for a home and car (so I wouldn't sell it unless you absolutely must). They can take Social Security at 62 years old if they've paid into it. I have really strong feeling about parents who rely on their kids to bail them out of financial situations that they put themselves into. I was frustrated and angry that my in-laws constantly put us into awkward situations where we were trying to bail them out. Yours are young enough to make the phone calls to get themselves help. Provide them with the phone numbers. If you pretend the problem doesn't exist and will fix itself, you (and they) will be compounding the problem. Be pro-active. Check out local agencies including the churches and Area Agency on Aging. Maybe it's time to move into a retirement facility. Hope this helps!

I am not in this situation yet, but feel that I might be soon. My husband and I just got married, and his father just lost his job. I think the important thing is to get your husband talking and make sure that you are on the same page with this situation. That way, you're both prepared to tackle the topic, no matter how it comes up. My guess is that if your in laws are anything like mine, they'll go to their son alone, since he's more likely to cave in to a guilt trip.

I know that there are no other children, but what about other family? Are you really all they have in the world, or are there other living relatives in a better position than you?

My whole position with my husband has been that we are saving up to have children of our own, and if we supported them, they would be taking money from their grandchildren. We simply aren't in the position to support them and start a family. And, unfortunately, since we have a nice home and good jobs, they think we make six figures.

My only other advice is to be sensitive to your husband. I wouldn't personally give my in-laws money, but if he felt morally obliged, I would do it for him...but NOT indefinitely.

Good luck with this...if nothing else helps, I completely sympathize with your situation!

This is a serious enough situation that I'd suggest that you work it out before you go ahead and have children. How your husband responds is indicative of how your married and family like will be (just my opinion). You (and your upcoming children) are his primary responsibility now. Your in-laws can retrain, upgrade skills, go to school and prepare for another future (they're still young enough). And there are amazing ways to learn on-line with classes, webinars, etc.

But rather than skirting the issue, I'd deal with it head on: What do you (the parents) expect of us? What are your plans to get back on your feet? And then let them know if (and I mean --if) you can help.

Hope this helps!

I have been trying to get my husband to pay attention to his mother for months. He has just got his "head out of the sand", when we started getting calls about his parents bills and NFS checks coming in the mail. My husband does not beat around the bush, he calls it as he sees it. When he confonted his parents about this his mother just laughed and his father said he did not know what was going on. That is when he realized his mother has Alz. without a dought. I have spent 6days, 12hrs aday trying to figure out what is going on. Mother in law had 10 credit cards. Why is it the government will allow credit card companys to target the older folks. But the government will "Bail OUT" these credit card companies but want Bailout the elderly. When I called the credit card companies to ask for a settlement payment they said if they do this it will hurt their CREDIT. LOL! One their credit is shot if I am making this call, 2. they are 70years old so what does it matter now. What are the odds they will live 20 more yrs. It is sad because they have worked so hard to enjoy their golden years and leave this world with a good name. Their WORD is their BOND. We need help! My husband and I are going to have to take out a loan to keep them from loseing what they worked so hard.

I have been trying to get my husband to pay attention to his mother for months. He has just got his "head out of the sand", when we started getting calls about his parents bills and NFS checks coming in the mail. My husband does not beat around the bush, he calls it as he sees it. When he confonted his parents about this his mother just laughed and his father said he did not know what was going on. That is when he realized his mother has Alz. without a dought. I have spent 6days, 12hrs aday trying to figure out what is going on. Mother in law had 10 credit cards. Why is it the government will allow credit card companys to target the older folks. But the government will "Bail OUT" these credit card companies but want Bailout the elderly. When I called the credit card companies to ask for a settlement payment they said if they do this it will hurt their CREDIT. LOL! One their credit is shot if I am making this call, 2. they are 70years old so what does it matter now. What are the odds they will live 20 more yrs. It is sad because they have worked so hard to enjoy their golden years and leave this world with a good name. Their WORD is their BOND. We need help! My husband and I are going to have to take out a loan to keep them from loseing what they worked so hard.