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    <title>Recent Posts in 'I NEED TO VENT' | Caring.com</title>
    <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Sewingdebsue...  I think that I am still a little in shock.  When my dad died, I went often to the cemetery but since mom died, I cannot bring myself to go there often.  When Dad died, it was sudden but when mom died, it took a long time and when she was gone, there was some relief, even though we always expected her to get better.  One thing that I have learned to realize that we REALLY have no control over our lives.  When my Dad was dying, he often told me to quit worrying because I worried about what he ate, all of his levels, etc.  and he died anyway.  So, with mom, I think I knew that no matter what, it was going to happen.  But since I have expended so much time on my parents life, I do wonder where to go now.  I feel that I really don't want to work and as of now, cannot afford to volunteer.  I am living on a reduced pension since I retired at 51.  It is barely enough to cover my bills.  I don't enjoy travelling that much and frankly don't have much money to do that.  I am currently babysitting my granddaughter nights while my daughter works and that's fun but as far as what to do in retirement, I'm lost.  My husband is still working so we do not go that often, but as I said, I'm somewhat of a homebody.  When I first married my husband, we did a tremendous amount of travelling so even though the only foreign countries I saw were Bermuda, Canada, Japan, and some islands in the Caribbean, it seems to have been enough for me.  And travelling by airplane seems to be a hassle anymore.  Maybe some day I will see more of the US but have seen a great deal there except for the midwest and Alaska.  So travelling is not so much of an interest anymore.  I guess just relaxing will have to do for now.&lt;br&gt;
Honestly, I believe that I no longer have a goal for my life as my goal was caring for my children first then my parents and now my granddaughter.  And maybe some of this is depression.  So anyway, I'm going to quit rambling for now.  Today, I cleaned out my parents attic and it was a little sad.  I still have more to go through.  Anyway, enough rambling...I know time will heal and things will look better when the sun shines more often in New York state.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 15 May 2011 22:44:24 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18698</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by sewingdebsue @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Iam sorry for the loss of your loved ones.My mom and dad have been gone for awhile so if you need someone to talk to just email and i will answer you&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 15 May 2011 22:15:37 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18697</guid>
      <author>sewingdebsue</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;sd  luckily my hubby is younger than i but my youngest daughter became pregnant a little over one year ago and the baby was due in November, and the baby's father died in October of a heart attack at 35.  So, now, I will be a babysitter for my new grandchild and that's okay because I love her.  I knew that I wanted to do this from the minute that I knew she was pregnant but at the time, wondered how I could care for mom as well.  God took care of that.. The baby is only 5 months old now and mom died in March so she was able to see this great grandchild but missed another that was born in January.  But I like to think that God provided me with a way to mourn mom's death while still putting me up front and center in the newly living!!   I also know that I was somewhat luckier than some as my mother had her mental abilities and my sister and I shared in her care..For many years, I was the taxi driver for mom and dad and after dad died and mom was still physically able to do for herself, she moved in with my sister and I made sure that mom went to all of her appointments.  In the last year of mom's life, she came to live with me part time while going to my sister's part time so we both got to share in the joys of having her around while at the same time got to share in the stresses of her care.  In the last 2 weeks of mom's life, we had to place her in skilled nursing as she was weighing only 73 pounds, and could not breathe without almost full time oxygen.  She was CO2 retentive which is very similar to COPD and she gradually lost her breathing ability.  In the end, she simply stopped breathing while she was on 11 liters of oxygen.  But she saw my new granddaughter twice during that 2 weeks and I have pictures of her with my mom... From the pictures I could tell that mom was a skeleton of her former self but as I saw her every day, I could not see it.  I will miss her forever....she was my best friend.   Now both of my parents are gone and I feel a little lost as to my future.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 14 May 2011 21:01:51 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18670</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by SDBabs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;I understand about that retirement thing!  I am 62 and retired 7 years ago.  I always thought we would travel, finally, without kids.  I have been taking care of my husband all this time.  A lot of the time I get frustrated and think I am going down with him, but, then, I tell myself THIS is my life. The grandkids and too many people confuse him and this is beginning to isolate us.  If we go to a get together, he gets anxious and wants to go home.  He doesn't know I am his wife, but knows he has a wife.  He says we have fun together, and then he calls me names and tells me to get out.  I really don't think I should have to live like this, I wouldn't have chosen it, but this is my life for now.  I believe time will lead me in one direction or another.  I am not opposed to assisted living-just not yet.  Actually, I don't know who needs it most!&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 14 May 2011 14:47:05 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18664</guid>
      <author>SDBabs</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;chaylea...I agree that some people should never have children...but just because you were treated poorly as a child certainly does not mean that you would treat your own children that way.  Children can be the biggest joy in your life.&lt;br&gt;
As far as caring for your mother after she did not care for you, I can't compare my situation to yours.  My mother was the kindest, gentlest, most caring person anyone could ever want.  She died on March 12 and I miss her so much but caregiving is so hard and if your heart is not in it, you can't continue indefinitely.  And you may very well take it out on your mother because you are resentful.  There are some very good nursing homes out there as well as horrible ones.  It is up to you where you go with this.  You can even hire someone to come in.  But take your life back and as my counselor says...we do not need to care for our parents, we only have to insure that they are taken care of.   So many of us feel obligated.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I will be turning 60 this summer and for the past 8 years, I spent my retirement in doctor's offices, hospitals, etc. while caring for my parents.  I honestly enjoyed most of the time with them but my retirement certainly was not spent how I would have ordinarily thought to spend it and as a result I did not spend much time with my grandchildren or simply enjoying life.  Now, as I get older, it will SOON be my turn to spend time in the doctor's offices and I resent that while I was healthy and able so much of my time was spent lugging others around.  I know it is selfish but I also know there are other options out there.   Take care of yourself while you still can.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 14 May 2011 14:24:33 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18662</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by SDBabs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;You are doing the right thing.  You should have a life and not feel guilty about LIVING.  There comes a point when we have to do what is best all around.  I hope you have a happy life and feel free to enjoy it.  You may change your mind about children, if not, it is ok.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 13 May 2011 14:57:55 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18637</guid>
      <author>SDBabs</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by chaylea @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;I'm leaving my parents, they can deal with it on their own. I never had any time to live my own life. I've been taking care of her for so long. I can't remember a time when I didn't. They don't appreciate me or anything I do. I'm graduating from nursing school in October. She was never a good mother to me. She drove me around drunk off her ass all the time. I can't count how many times she almost killed me! My clothes were always dirty when I was little. She would forget to feed me because she was always high on something, and now society expects me as an only child to change her diapers, and go up and down the stairs all day and all night to see what she's yelling about now. I don't think so. I'm done. I'm claiming the life they stole from me and I will never have children so I cannot burden them the way they did me. Some people want children, that doesn't mean they deserve them.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;Amen&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 21:05:54 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18422</guid>
      <author>chaylea</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by CaringforMAD @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Well after waiting for almost six months for the state to help with aid, my Mother is in a nursing facility. Now I am consumed with guilt. She has been ripped from her home and loved ones. She is being AMAZING about it.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I have seen her every day since I took her, and that helps. But its so hard seeing her empty room and easy chair.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I do have to admit, she has gotten more care in 2 days than I could give her in a week. I am happy about that. She is safe, and her every need is tended to.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;This has just been awful on so many levels, but not having her here, is worse for me, but better for her. I pray she makes some friends, and will start to enjoy all of the activities once she feels more comfortable.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;Prays being said for all. Good luck.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;caringforMad&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 19:06:56 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:18417</guid>
      <author>CaringforMAD</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Emily M. @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Hi Edith,&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;One great resource your husband can use are the chat rooms/message boards on the Alzheimer's Association's website here: http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_message_boards_lwa.asp&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I hope that helps! If you have any further questions, let me know. I'm more than happy to help out!&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;All the best,
Emily&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:24:33 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17823</guid>
      <author>Emily M.</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Edith Anne @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Emily, please read my blog prior to this last one. Can you offer a site for my husband to utilize?&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:11:33 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17751</guid>
      <author>Edith Anne</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Emily M. @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Edith Anne, Great suggestions!&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;If anyone would like to add the Self Caring newsletter you can do so by visiting your subscription page (http://www.caring.com/account/subscriptions) and selecting &quot;Self Caring,&quot; then click save. Simple as that :)&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I hope that helps. Have a fantastic weekend everyone.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;All the best,
Emily | Community Manager&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 22:47:01 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17746</guid>
      <author>Emily M.</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Edith Anne @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;To Chica60: When it rains it pores. I want to offer a few suggestions if you dont mind. First, subscribe to Caring.com 's email newsletter for good tips on taking care of yourself as a caregiver and many other helpful topics. As a caregiver of my husband at 64 in recent years I know personal struggles. I will add enlist help from your brother, friends as company for yourself at home as being with others is personally helpful to you. Ask others to  visit your mother at her facility to give you some peace about feeling lonely and your feeling of loneliness for her. A stranger in a dr's waiting room suggested I make an appt with someone at the local Council on Aging to talk about my situation and ask what assistance we may qualify for and this turned out to be very good advice with good info. Take one day at a time. Best of luck.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:50:02 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17744</guid>
      <author>Edith Anne</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Edith Anne @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Where do I go to blog as my issues involve myself as caregiver and my husband as the ill one. My heart goes out to all of you caring for aging parents. You have great love and great courage
My Dad died when I was 20 of a heart attack. My brother, 23 yo, drowned when I was 30, and my Mother died when I was 32. All died instantly without any illness before. It took me years to first learn how to grieve and then to grieve in healthy ways, after moving out of state after my little brother's death while I was seven months pregnant with our third child. But I am pretty good at making lemonade our of lemons. So, moving turned out to be a lesson down the road. So hard on my mother tho as I am oldest of five.
And now as our life is going through these &quot;Golden Years' &quot; changes, I find another kind of grieving process to learn about. I want an internet support group to chat with and I have recently started counseling twice a month. I want an internet support group for my husband to help him with his many issues. Dr. just diagnosed him with degenerative disease of the vessels of the cerrebellum, lower back area of the brain including the brain stem. And, he can no longer drive. OUr life changed in the flash of a moment, one of many. I am 64 yo and he is 66.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:36:55 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17742</guid>
      <author>Edith Anne</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Pr0sperity @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Thank you PTCruzr.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I am sorry for your loss.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 15:40:37 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17729</guid>
      <author>Pr0sperity</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Prosperity...My mom died on March 12...You are right about the guilt.  Your mother can drive you crazy and some parents were/are worse than others.  My mother always tried to stay out of everyone's way but at the same time, did not want to be alone.   It got worse as she got closer to the end.   She got very dependent and this last time, she got so weak, that we had to put her in the hospital and since we were convinced that she would yet again bounce back, we requested that she be put into skilled nursing until such time as one of us could take her back.  She lasted only 2 weeks.   She got only weaker...and we both wish we had known that the end was near and we would have kept her home.   But we both thought she was sick again like she was in October.  So there is guilt but there is also that sense that we took good care of her and no matter what...believe in yourself and try to keep going but ask for help if you need it.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 15:34:22 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17728</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Pr0sperity @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;I am also about at my wit's end but when I read how much more some of you have gone through I think I am lucky.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;My mom has been with me 6 years.  She is 90.  She is argumentative, uncooperative, only wants to die and doesn't want me to go out of the house.  She is driving me crazy.  However, I am determined to take care of her the best possible so that I don't have to live with guilt over that forever.  I will, however, have guilt over my attitude because I don't think I should be allowing her to drive me crazy and I can't seem to stop that.  When I need to scream I go in my closet to do that so that she doesn't hear me.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 08 Apr 2011 14:40:25 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17727</guid>
      <author>Pr0sperity</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by CaringforMAD @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Hi everyone. I havent been on here for a year. My folks have gone from being wtih me for 13 months TO 28 months. I still work full time as well. I honestly almost fell over when I saw my frustration at 13 months and here I am double that time plus later. HOW HAVE I SURVIVED?? Well Cabarnet has helped let me tell ya.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I should never have done this. But I didnt have any choice as they had no funds to keep living on their own, and my Dad over medicated my mother twice and she ended up in the hospital. And now that my Mom is on Insulin shots, he could NEVER have handled that.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;And its so &quot;sick&quot; - my father hates being alive so its miserable for everyone in the home, and my mother and my sister are praying for God to call him home. He just wants to be dead. My mother needs to be in a home and I have been working for 4 months to get her on Medicaid and placed out of the house. I would rather she pass away than endure this. She mentions weekly she doesnt want to go. &lt;em&gt;sniff&lt;/em&gt;. I am praying God calls HER home, so she doesnt have to go thru this. Nothing.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;My faith in life is waining. I just dont know how much longer I can take it.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;Good luck everyone....we sure as hell all need it.&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:59:57 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17668</guid>
      <author>CaringforMAD</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Emily M. @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Hi At-my-wits-e&#173;nd, First of all ((HUUUUUUGGGGS)) I'm so sorry to hear about the stressful and difficult situation you're in! Being an Alzheimer's caregiver is no easy task, especially if you are holding down a full time job. It's nice to hear that your boss is understanding at the very least.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;If you ever need to vent, you can come back here any time!&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;Emily&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:42:13 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17667</guid>
      <author>Emily M.</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by At-my-wits-end @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Hi all.  My 77 yr old mother moved in with me in December after her husband of 8 yrs passed away unexpectedly.  She was diagnoised with alzheimers 2 yrs ago.  My house consists of my father (had a stroke in 2005 and moved in with me in 2009) My brother (ADHD), his 18-yr old son (ADD and IED - intermittent explosive disorder - he's in special ed) and my 17 yr old son (clinically normal but he's a teenager LOL)&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;You would think what all these people in my house that I'd be naturally crazy but our family was incredibly cohesive until my mother moved in.  She is hateful to me.  I know this is because I am her caregiver.  I am the only &quot;enemy&quot; in the house.  She isn't supposed to drive or be without 24-hr supervision.  If a person, other than myself, talks to her she is pleasant and probably thinks she's quite lucid.  It's the every-day stuff that she can't do.  She writes checks from accounts that are closed and then accuses me of &quot;stealing her money&quot;.  She doesn't bathe because she &quot;doesn't sweat&quot; -- that's a quote.  It takes days of coaxing to get her to bathe. Her sisters are in complete denial about her mental condition. Of course, they haven't been with her for more than a week in the past year. They've even called me (after my mom has a phone conversation with them and berated me) and accused me of elder abuse!  These are the same people that are too busy with life to even take my mom for a day.  Everybody wants to tell me what to do and nobody wants to help!!  I have to cart my family to doctors that are 40 to 50 miles away for their specific needs (I try to stack appointments when I can.  Did I mention that I have a full-time job as a court reporter for the chief judge in my county?)  My boss in incredibly understanding and allows me to take an average of 1 day off a week for all this.  I know I could change their doctors to ones closer to home but the medicine up here is egregious - remember I sit in court and have heard way too many med mal cases).  My mother insists on going to doctors that are 2+ hours away because she doesn't want me to &quot;Control her life (said with hissing, spitting and head-spinning)!!!!!  She thinks I'm trying to take her rights away and steal her money.  I don't need her money and I wish she could take care of herself.  I've cried to her that I'm sorry that &quot;mother nature&quot; has done this to her, that it's not her fault but that it is what it is and I'm trying to help.  I'm so depressed.  I cry all the time, throw up if I eat, can't sleep.  I'm a bitch (although you wouldn't get any of my coworkers to agree with me.  They think I'm Florence Nightengale).  I'm short with the rest of the family and they don't deserve it.  I feel like a loser.  I can't even get respite care because there's a 2 yr wait and even if I could get it, it's $3,000 a month and there's a $3000 move'in fee&quot;  What the hell!!  That's not respite, that's robbery!!!  My mother isn't made out of money.   And, just in case you're wondering, Yes, I am in therapy!&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Wed, 06 Apr 2011 17:42:10 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:17666</guid>
      <author>At-my-wits-end</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by sbean @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Really???  Spam on this site. How did that get by?&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 08 Nov 2010 21:22:26 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:13561</guid>
      <author>sbean</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Steps....In addition to taking care of mom, I have 2 daughters...one who is finally leaving safe house after an abusive marriage of 16 years and the other who is pregnant for the first time with a boyfriend who though not physically abusive, is very controlling and exhibits stalking behavior and won't be evaluated by the psychiatric center here as he fears being institutionalized.  So between the 2 of them and mom, sometimes I just need to escape which was what I needed then.&lt;br&gt;
I believe that my mom is scared at this point and we cannot do much for her but when she is here with me, I wait on her hand over foot and except for the pain in my legs and the broken arm I suffered in May, I really want to do it.  And I did...broken arm and all.  And I would do it again. and again and again...
My mom is CO2 retentive and when I was on my 4 day vacation this summer, I got a call that mom might not be alive when I got home...still though mom told me to enjoy my vacation and I tried to...but my heart was home with her and when I came home that night, I spent 3 hours with her.  She lives with me part time and my sister part time and she was with my sister during my vacation.&lt;br&gt;
Mom has been seeing a really good pulmonologist but we left town to find him.  Our local pulmonologists misdiagnosed mom with COPD and though CO2 retention is similar, it is not the same.  My sister ..who was a nurse... read the xrays and knew the doctor's were reading them wrong.  That same pulmonologist told my daughter a few years back when she was in her 20s that he could do nothing more for her.  But when we went to another pulmonologist, he took my daughter off her medications and her asthma attacks have decreased significantly.  (She was over medicated.)  The other doctor indicated that she was dying.  What Missy says is correct, search out another doctor if you don't get the results you would like.  Sometimes it's worth it.&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 13 Sep 2010 22:21:31 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:11796</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;steps....I wrote that last reply.  I was having a really bad time of it.  I just needed to get away.  Now my mom has taken another turn for the worse and I really don't feel that way at all.  It was just my need to take a break...sometimes I reach a breaking point and usually that's when I come to this website.  It really is hard to deal with someone who has this problem but I wouldn't trade it for any of the time I have spent with my mom.  I really never wanted anyone to feel the way that you do.  That's why I just used this page to vent.  It's over now and I feel differently and I think that after a while, we can all get a little resentful of the time spent on others.  But really I love mom and wouldn't change it for anything.   Sorry to make you feel differently.&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 13 Sep 2010 21:59:11 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:11795</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by Missy @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Awww, steps.  I sure hope that your COPD doesn't progress to the point where you'll need a caregiver.  But if it did, I would hope you wouldn't feel like you're bothering anyone to need help.  Caring.com's forums are a safe place for caregivers to express their feelings to others who will understand.  Do we often hear the worst of it?  You bet!  Especially on a thread titled, &quot;I need to vent!&quot;  So it's probably not fair to throw out &quot;I won't bother anyone with it&quot; here in reaction to others posting about their experiences.  We're all doing our very best in, what can sometimes be, difficult circumstances.&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;I read your bio.  &lt;em&gt;hugs&lt;/em&gt; to you.  My mom has COPD and I'm wondering if you're seeing a good pulmonologist.  In my experience, it makes ALL the difference.  Previously, it was a family doctor attempting to handle the disease.  In fact, when Mom mentioned seeing a pulmolongist, that doc was almost a little offended, which made Mom delay.  We got hooked up with her current doctor in a completely random way - she had complications after another type of surgery and he was who was on duty.  Anyway, he's been so great!  He staged her, changed her course of medication (which her family doc had prescribed in an ineffective way) and gave her hope that the progression could be slowed.  He's also been a great motivator to her to get healthier in other ways.  The point of my story is that a good doc can really have a positive impact.  If you're not happy with your doctors, find another one!  You're worth it! &lt;/p&gt;

&lt;p&gt;Missy&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 13 Sep 2010 19:09:17 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:11793</guid>
      <author>Missy</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by steps @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;I will tell you all something. from the posts i have read from care givers when my copd gets to the point where i need one i won't bother anyone with it.&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 13 Sep 2010 16:45:10 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:11790</guid>
      <author>steps</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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    <item>
      <title>'I NEED TO VENT' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}</title>
      <description>&lt;p&gt;Hi all....I think we all need a break from caregiving.  Sometimes it becomes so overwhelming.  My mom likes to make my sister and myself feel guilty for not being there all of the time for her.  Mom stays with each of us part time.  She is CO2 retentive so refuses to leave the house unless absolutely necessary AND she wants one or the other of us to always be at home!  My sister and I have chosen to ignore that demand but insure that she has someone to care for her.  We went away this weekend and were gone together for only 2 days but mom went on and on about how she wished this insanity would end.  (meaning the fact that we were gone)  Talk about leveling guilt on us both.&lt;br&gt;
One weekend my sister called me to ask if I would like to go to the lake with her to take out the boat.  I said sure...so we were in the car, on the way out of town and my cell phone rang.  It was mom wanting to know what I was doing and would I come over to have lunch with her.  I said that I was going to the lake with my sister...mom said okay and wanted to immediately hang up..Guess if I wasn't able to meet her needs, she didn't need me anymore.  Mom is able to care for herself but she doesn't want to.  I think it is difficult for her but she could give us a little break once in a while.  Mom spends almost her entire day either in the bathroom or sitting in front of her computer playing computer games.  She rarely acknowledges anyone else being around.  (But insists that my sister or myself be present to watch her play on the computer!!!!)&lt;br&gt;
She was unhappy one night when I told her my husband and I were going for a walk (1/2 hour) and she went into panic mode.  I said mom...I'm taking my cell phone and we will be back in a half hour.  In that half hour she didn't leave her seat in front of the computer!!!
She really doesn't like anyone else to stay with her either but that is so unfair.&lt;br&gt;
This weekend when we were gone, my daughter went over to give mom dinner and she told my daughter that &quot;I just wish I could stop breathing!&quot;  Talk about guilt...she often tells me she just wishes she could die so we could enjoy our free time!  IN other words, we should give up our lives and our enjoyment to care for her every need and then she would be happy!! and we would be miserable....Anyway, I'm just venting ... and this weekend was such a nice break...and I no longer feel the tightness in my shoulders that was present before I left.&lt;br&gt;
I'm thinking I should go camping more often...even if I have to sleep on the ground...&lt;/p&gt;</description>
      <pubDate>Tue, 10 Aug 2010 09:56:34 -0000</pubDate>
      <guid isPermaLink="false">www.caring.com:10:318:10435</guid>
      <author>PTCruzr</author>
      <link>http://www.caring.com/forums/living-arrangements-forum/i-need-to-vent</link>
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