You have to do what you're doing as well as you can do it so that you don't look back later and think of how many things went undone. Your siblings are taking the easy way out and by staying away they are able to pretend life is going on as usual. It's unfortunate they are squandering their opportunities to spend time with your father and they will one day regret these choices regardless of what they say to you. The nitpicking at you when anything goes wrong helps them to conceal the great amount of guilt they have due to their neglect ... but you must see they are concealing this truth from themselves as much as anybody else. Denial is the first step in the greiving process and it sounds like your siblings all have a good case of that going. As for help, I think I'd ask the doctor if home health or hospice might be appropriate ... it would lighten your load a little and may open the door for some respite care. Also, contact senior services in your county to see if they have any respite providers. Once your siblings see you reaching out to community resources for the help they should be giving you it might jolt one of them back to reality. Good luck with that ... when my father was ill I never did get my sibling on board with helping much, but I don't regret the efforts I made.
My mom passed away 4 years ago, then within eight months my youngest brother passed away from a freak accident. Last year my dad was diagnosed with cancer and at the time was in conjestive heart failure, with everything he had gone through he did not want to fight the battle of cancer. I am divorced and did rent a cottage of my own and have two grown daughters whom live on their own. My two other brothers and two sisters felt that it would be easiest if I moved in with our dad to care for him. At the time they all agreed in helping with the responsibility of caring for my dad. So much for that. No one comes by to give me any time away for myself, yet they all have something to say when they hear that he has had another health issue. They have no idea what I see and have to do. If they do come by they see him showered and dressed and say how good he is looking.
They are not there to watch the nights I have to put my dad on oxygen because he can not breathe, and he has me pray out loud with him to have God take him away. They do not see all the times I find my dad on the floor and have to try to pick him up. After the chemo treatments dad had gotten very weak and is not steady on his feet at all. He does not want to shower or shave or do anything. I have tried just about everything to want him to keep on going. His have looses his bladder all the time. He is a diabetic also and since his chemo has been put on insulin which I have to give him every night (he will not do it himself) He is 79 years old he is a great dad and there isn't anything I would'nt do for him, but no matter what I say to my family I just do not get any help or relief.
Please, if anyone has any advice, I would be very appreciative.
caryn
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