Living 150 mi away is taking its toll on both of us. I have set up homemaker/aide visits twice daily to make sure Mom takes her meds. They will not set up the meds or give them, just prompt so I have set up a system of day and nite pill minders. and refill them every month. This is a home health agency. I am doing a lot of down and back in one day visits for lots of other things as well as the weekend visit to set up the pills. She has become somewhat incontinent but even thru both the aid and my urging will not routinely go to depends. She has always been a difficult my way is right type and wants no interference so will not allow the aide to check the fridge (to toss out old icky stuff)or help with other small tasks. The aide does get the garbage to the curb by sneaking it out as she leaves. Long winded but just a sample of minor difficulties.My own health is beginning to suffer trying to do all the mom maintenance(she thinks she is doing everything just fine) as well as the continous trips and working a full time job.Her health is pretty good for 87 but the altzhiemers is getting worse and I tried to get her into assisted living a couple of times and even though many of her friends and bridge buddies are there she refused. They told me they cannot take her as long as she is so adament because they cannot make her stay. My brother will not help in any way(his way of dealing with our upbringing) but someone must and I am doing everything I can. At her last doctors visit(for a UTI) he told me that we just have to wait since ther is no way to force her until a safety issue arrises. This is much the same as the neurologists statement although he told Mom He recomended assited living to her. She refused, of course. I have power of attorney but am told by my elder care lawyer that short of declaring her incompetent in court (which she wouldnt recommend) we just have to wait til something happens. got any ideas. ?
I think your screen name says it all! You ARE trying hard. Really hard, it seems.
Caregiving from a distance can be difficult enough, but throwing Alzheimer's into the mix has got to really be a challenge.
Is it possible or your mom's doctor to write out a prescription for nursing care at home? That way they could actually dispense the medication and, as importantly, continually assess your mom for any advancement, and therefore, increased safety risk.
I agree with Missy. I think you may need to find her caregivers who are qualified/authorized to dispense medication, for you trying to do all this yourself is wearing you out, you poor thing.
Hi,
Do you have all the info. on her income and etc? There may be some services she can qualify for in her area that can help. Some seniors are so frugal, they don't want to spend any of their savings, but you need to stress that you are concerned about her, especially in case she were to fall when nobody was around. A lot of seniors don't want to give up their independence and live in assisted care, but sometimes you can point out the positives. Find out what her true reasons why she is not open to it and that may help. Visit some in your town and you can point out the positives and pros about assisted living...fun classes, field trips, daily van trips, meeting new friends & etc. Plus, tell her how relieved you will be, knowing that she is safer and help is around. We took in my 87 yr. old mother in law 4 years ago and just transitioned her to a residential board & care home because she now needs 24 hr. care due to a lot of falls. Believe me, you do not want your Mom to fall, as they can go down hill rapidly. It was extremely hard on us to care for her the past 4 years in our home while we worked FT. Finally after a few falls, the doctor sat her down and had the serious talk...it was now a "medical necessity" to transfer her out. I hope you don't have to wait for a fall or major decline in her health. Try to find out why she is so resistant and check in to some more local services in her area. Try the Council on Aging and explore this caring.com site...there is a lot of info. out there. Please take care of yourself, vent here, try to find a local caregiving support group in your town and ask around. You may find others in similar situations that you can get invaluable info. & advice from.
Don't be too hard on yourself...you are wonderful! Take care of yourself, too....caregiving from a distance is tough. We did it prior to moving her in with us and it is hard both ways. Know that you are doing the best you can and pat yourself on the back...this experience will give you good karma in the future! Take care!
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