Does anyone have a parent living with them in separate living quarters?

My parents live with us, in an apartment we created for them in my walk-out basement. Yes, we have three generations under one roof. I would love to get in touch with others in our situation.

Here is our story .... We bought our home eight years ago - a two-story plus walkout basement on a few acres - with the thought that eventually (when my father passed), we would make a space for my mother to live with us. That day came sooner than we expected - and my father came along with her. Just one year after buying our home, my father retired from preaching due to age-related problems, and at my mother's request, they came to live with us.

We immediately renovated our garage and part of our basement into a two-room plus bathroom apartment for them. We had most of it professionally done, and it is lovely. The largest room is an open space with a kitchen and living/dining area. The second room is a bedroom, with part of it divided by a closet/bookshelves into an office for my them, complete with a computer with cable internet. The office opens onto a small patio, and the kitchen opens out directly into our backyard. We went into some debt for the renovations. My parents had no money to help, and did not ask for the amenities we provided. It was our choice. We wanted to preserve their dignity and independence as much as possible. Plus, I knew that sharing a kitchen and living areas with my parents would probably drive me crazy. I have always needed my "space." I didn't want to end up being grumpy to them, or to my husband and children.

We have three children, in high school, middle school, and elementary school. My husband and I both work full-time, although I work mostly from home. At first, my father was able to help with things like driving my kids to activities, and cutting the grass. His health has declined, however, and now he is unable to drive due for medical reasons. My mother never learned to drive. But she is helpful in every way she can be, like doing our laundry - that's a huge chore - and being home to care for the kids when needed.

Overall, having three generations under one roof has been a wonderful experience for all of us. I love the security of knowing that my parents are right downstairs if they have an emergency or need anything. We even purchased a plug-in intercom system so they can reach us anytime without having to come up the stairs. My mother and I are closer than before, and only occasionally get on each other's nerves. My husband has been wonderful through all of this. His unfailing generosity and patience is an inspiration. And my kids have the kind of daily relationship with their grandparents they never would have had through just holiday visits. Seeing my father fishing with my youngest son by our pond is - well, priceless. We have pictures of everyday events like that which I'm sure my kids will one day treasure.

It's not all sunny days and roses, of course. My siblings have varied in their support (or lack thereof). The spouse of one sibling has been vocal in the opinion that my parents should be living at an assisted living facility, especially now that my father is not able to drive. I have discussed this option with my parents, including all the possible benefits to them, but they want to live with family as long as possible. Plus, almost all assisted-living facilities would cost some amount of money monthly, and my parents barely pay their prescriptions with their Social Security benefits (their only source of income). Yet this in-law believes that they could live in an "independent apartment" in an assisted living facility for just their Medicare/SS benefits. It's simply not true - there are always monthly expenses, even if just for things like additional rent, cable t.v., internet access, and other things like haircuts and the like. Who would pay that? So, I get no help from that sibling's family at all, as they disapprove of our arrangement.

My other sibling has become more and more helpful over time. He lives 20 minutes away and has young children, but runs my father to medical appointments and more. He has never expressed an opinion about where our parents should be living, but has done all he can given his circumstances to be supportive and helpful to my parents.

Will there be conflict in the future? I expect so. Someday, my parents may need more care than I can provide. Will we use in-home care, or eventually move them to a facility, or both? I don't know. And who will pay whatever is not covered by Medicare/SS? My guess is that my husband and I will end up paying. That may lead to sibling conflict, unless I just bite my tongue. But saying nothing just to avoid conflict may build resentment on my part - resentment I already feel in small doses.

Still, I know we are blessed as a family to have three generations under one roof. The good far outweighs any negatives. I would not change a thing about our decision to make a home for my parents with us.