'Completely Lost' posted by LG1208 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LG1208 — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:16:58 -0000

The only family we have around here only stops by once a month or so and really haven't been involved in her care AT ALL. And now she is telling them things that aren't even true and telling them not to talk to me, and now all of a sudden they want to be so involved. They seem to side with my mom, but obviously have no clue what's going on because they're never here. Unfortuantely, none of them are really realiable or trust worthy either. I'm honestly afraid that they'll use her for money or not take care of her to the extent that she needs which is a huge concern if she starts trying to change her wills and power of attorneys. They say they've changed, but they were like that for about 22 years, so I'll need a lot more time to truly believe they have changed. Interestingly, my parents never used to trust them because they'd give them money and they'd never return it and go spend it on alcohol or cigarettes. Now that she is mad at me though, she acts as if they were the trusting ones that had taken care of her for years and she treats me like I'm trying to take her for everything she is worth. Other than that, she doesn't seem to trust ANYONE especially if they try to explain to her that she has a problem - whether it's depression or mentally. And of course she's telling them I'm putting her in a home (which may be necessary if she doesn't agree to let people help her) so these people who were rarely ever around are now jumping all over me about it. I appreciate your advice, it's just super difficult because it feels like it's me against the world in the matter (excluding her doctors).

'Completely Lost' posted by Paula Spencer Scott @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Paula Spencer Scott — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:50:30 -0000

I'm sorry, you really have your hands full. As is probably obvious by now, it doesn't sound like your mom has "mild" vascular dementia any more; it has probably progressed to the point that the disease process is influencing her behaviors, maybe also exacerbated by her husband's death. You need support! Is there a family member you can calmly explain things to, like one of your brothers, or maybe a family friend or clergyperson your mom trusts? Surely other people see the same kind of deterioration that you do and are also concerned for her. Or go back to the psychiatrist and her primary physician and ask their input on next steps. You may need to explore alternate living arrangements, which is very hard but can be done with others' help.

As far as your mom being mad about what steps you take, it sounds like she's upset no matter what, so you can't let that be your primary consideration. Your main concern should be her well being -- and your own well being. You also have to focus on your own future. She's very lucky to have you, even if she lacks the wherewithal at this point in her life to understand that. good luck--

'Completely Lost' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:25:56 -0000

I'm a 23 year old woman who was adopted by two of the most wonderful individuals (my great grandparents-who I call mom and dad) when I was only two days old and they were about 60 years old. Over the past 2 years my mom (who I live with and care for) has progressively gotten more angry, paranoid, and just not herself. My dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (a bone marrow cancer) on my first day of nursing school Jan 14, 2009 and just recently passed away in mid-July. My boyfriend of over 7 years moved in to help me care for both of them in February esp. while I was going to school. My mom had been diagnosed with mild vascular dementia, but over the past year it seems like things have 10-folded. Over the past year especially, there isn't a day that goes by where she isn't paranoid someone is out to take her things or to take advantage of her, where she is yelling about something...or everything or calling me some name, that she is telling someone my boyfriend and I don't do anything (when we do EVERYTHING) or that she doesn't trust us. Since I had been taking care of all of their bills when my dad became unable to, she was telling everyone my dad gave me too much power now that he passed away. She has diabetes, congestive heart failure, and doesn't walk more than a few feet without needing a wheelchair. I recently brought her (unwillingly to her) to a psychiatrist hoping to get some answers if she is stable (both mentally and emotionally from my fathers death) and maybe if it was deemed necessary to get her some medications to help her mood/possible depression. She wigged out and called me a "little b---h" and said I just want her house and to take her money and now she is telling my brothers she wants to change the beneficiaries and her will and now she is 110% against me and just thinks I'm out to get her. She won't go to anymore doctors (except the cardiologist/renal dr), maybe not even her primary since he is the one who gave me the recommandation of this psychiatrist. I'm so lost between dealing with this escalating matter and school and trying to keep things livable around the house...I don't know what to do! I have POA for her, but I know she'll be mad if I take any steps to have that enforced and I just don't know where to turn. And to make things even better, the psychiatrist said she has very poor hygeine and that I could legally get in trouble for neglect...she refuses help and that would destroy my future career! I really need help/advice...

Recent Posts in 'Completely Lost' | Caring.com

'Completely Lost' posted by LG1208 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'Completely Lost' posted by Paula Spencer Scott @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'Completely Lost' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}