Care for room & board?

I don't know what your father's health and cognitive condition is. But if your father needs 24/7 care; if there are cognitive problems, dementia, health issues, etc., room & board is NOT enough.

When bringing someone into the home, you need: ...to have them provide a criminal background report from the police dept. references, that you call and talk to the person(s). ...proof of auto insurance if they are going to be driving your father in their car. ...remove all valuables, including bank statements, credit cards & statements, ...YOU need to get Power of Attorney for medical and for financial for your father. ...if father owns home, talk with home insurer and make them aware of non-related occupant.

I hire through an agency. Agencies in my area charge $25phr+, but only pay between $8-13. phr without benefits. So after I find a caregiver that I like, I offer to hire them away from the agency. And I pay them less then $25 phr, but more then $13 phr.

Would also have father evaluated by neurologist for cognitive, dementia.

Many seniors have some form of dementia and are easily manipulated. They give away their money, valuables and sign over properties.

If there is a lot of liquor in the house, I would remove and leave minimal.

Totally agree with AnitaP: My dad was scammed by handymen who quickly realized they could manipulate him to paying them cash daily (via ATM, we found, after I checked his online bank statements). I was also paying them via check. Could go on and on.

And do those background checks and stay vigilant. My neighbor was renting her basement in laws setup to a young man who was slowly stealing food, housewares etc. to start his own place up. Then made threatening inferences about what would happen if she called police. Turns out his 'ex-employer' was not really telling all there was to know.

And make sure you know how to report wages as a 1099 for the caregiver.

Vermont has an agency for this and they screen the caregiver. The price you pay per hour is based on how much assistance the resident needs. There is a program where the caregiver can work outside the home and be there at night. The night shift is where home care becomes the most expensive. There are many new types of Assisted Living facilities where it would be much less expensive. Not the typical "Nursing Home". It might be an alternative if your Dad can still make that decision . Good luck!!

While what the others replied so far is all legal and correct, it wouldn't have worked for us. In 2008 my dad had a stroke and couldn't afford the required 24/7 agency care amounting to $7700/month. We were very lucky (grace of God) to find a lady who had been a caregiver her whole life, and who just happened to need a place to live. We did do a background check and all that, and we had a contract, but we didn't go the IRS income reporting route. Mind you, my dad's place was a tiny bachelor pad, not fit for female residency, but she lived with him for a year and a half until his dementia progressed to the point where we had to move him to a care home. She has been instrumental to him for companionship, growth and health all this time and they became soul mates. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you can find someone that will work for your situation.

I have two parents that need 24-7 care. I have three caregivers--two of them do 12-hour shifts during the week, and a third does a 12-hr shift on weekends, rotating with one of the other two. It's prohibitively expensive, though. We're trying to get a reverse mortgage on our parents' home. Our father refuses to move, so we hope this works... We initially hired someone through an agency, lured her away from the agency, and she brought in lots of relatives over the years.

Good things to consider. Also, another caution when you are not going through a home health/home care agency, is the concern re injury. Many people think about the tax issues, the scams/protecting the client--however, what happens when that caregiver injures themselves (as is highly likely in hands on care situations) and has no worker's comp or disability coverage? Just food for thought. We always advise clients on this in our role as geriatric care managers but I've also had an unfortunate family experience so I speak from the heart. I have a handout you may find helpul that discusses concerns families might see with in-home caregivers: http://www.agingwisely.com/wp-content/ConcernsaboutHiredCaregivers1.pdf and the National Private Duty Association has some educational information on different ways of securing in home care. I have personally seen a lot of challenges with "live in" help (especially getting someone to do this job for room and board, depending esp. on how much is entailed)and just like people to consider all the options, pros and cons. This is not meant to all sound negative...there are wonderful, caring people out there who do this work every day.

Some other thoughts...have you looked in to adult day care? It sounds like you live near/with Dad? I wonder if that might be an option while you work. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging/Elder Helpline to get some info. if that's a possibility.

A geriatric care manager in your area might be able to assess your family's situation from all angles and find out what might be available to you--many times there are resources that can truly help that they can identify.

My dad too came home, thats what he wanted and thats what we did, went thru an agency was told he had x amount of hours he qualified for for help at home, he was at that time 77, excellent upper body, but no lower funchtion AT ALL. So imagine all that had to be done, So we had the lNA, there, she lived with him, had her boyfriend move in, stole, my dad kicked him out. well then she was unhappy. her shift was pretty much 24/7, cause she lived there, no room and board was collected. it was a perk for her. But of course she became unhappy she had no life. I don't blame her. and althou my dad is a good guy he is in ;his 70"s his way or now way critized her constantly, and we all tried to be there off and on to help lesson the burden on her. But we couldn't be there 24/7, he was lonely. of course. Unless one of us girls could of moved in and pretty much threw our lives out the window it just wasn't gonna happen. Be careful as they all have mentioned what are his needs, and as the time went by he qualified for less and less time of care. why I don't know he didn't get any better, but thats the system. No matter who you get to take care of him they WILL WANT TIME OFF, are you prepared to fill those gaps? so many what ifs.

Thanks for your responses, everyone. At this point (he's still in rehab), I'm still exploring different options & this is a possiblility--although not the perfect one at this point. All of you definitely brought up great points about background checks & the like. But at this point, it looks like he's needing more care than what a room & board person would provide (he had a hospital stay after developing postural hypotention (i.e. low blood pressure whenever he stands up), and it's still occurring at the nursing home where he's undergoing rehab. I'll keep you posted, say a prayer for him. :)

vonbook-- I am with NewMexico Tam in that it can be done.--but I would also compensate the person financially as well. Although it was 20 years ago, I did this myself sort of although I lived with an 85 yr. old woman for only four days and I would visit my friends (and fiance) for a three day weekend. An unusal situation to be sure- but they are out there. Essentially I worked 24/7 for $40/day and meals. For two years of my life, I travelled back and forth between a town in upper-state NY and Canada! ( PS The guy never did marry me so I finally left him!)

I will say a prayer for your dad and the right solution to his situation!

Kim F, I forgot to mention above that we did also pay her around $800/month on top of the room and board, cell phone, food, etc.

yes. NM Tam, they mat not be plentiful, but there are rare situations and opportunities that sometimes "connect" because they "are meant to be"! I responded to an ad in a paper local to that area. I have very fond memories of the woman I cared for, and regret that I did not make it in to see her one more time before she passed on. I even have a few recipes I use today that I got from her. It was not much money, but I'll never regret the two years of my life I spent with her.

Kim F, people like you are angels, and the few lucky ones like us who have the honor of your service are blessed indeed. No amount of money could ever have been enough to pay our gal for all she did for us, and I am sure it was the same with you too.

Hello,

Currently and for the last 2 1/2 years I've been paying rent and am the caretaker of my landlady. The family hasn't stepped up to the plate to help their mother, daughter and sister so here I am a free caretaker.

Frankly it's very sad to see how her so called friends think they've done their good deed for the month by having lunch with her. And then they make her drive to their city knowing full well she shouldn't drive. Her parents are very old and her father has Dementia so they can't do anything obviously. But her son, he's busy running away from the situation. Even to the point that this house went into forclosure from loans he took out on this house of hers. Her house payments are paid monthly but his loans are not because he's defaulted sinced December.

Now I understand he's coming in in the morning and I can imagine how I'll be treated as the servant and not taken to lunch with them (mother and son) once again. He did that the last time he was here a year ago. Like I'm a nobody yet I'm her sole caretaker. There's nobody else in her (my roommate/landlady's) life to help her with her dressing, bills, meals, just knowing what day it is, making sure the house isn't burnt down as she leaves the gas stove on and also her truck in the closed garage is left on as well quite often.

Nobody but nobody is here for these things and a multitude of others as anyone who is taking care of someone with Alzheimer's knows all that is entailed. There's so much more and alot of it are things that are hard to describe and so many of them throughout the day.

I do feel I shouldn't have to pay rent. And hopefully all the time and talking to the bankers this past two weeks has indeed stopped the foreclosure as I cannot imagine where I'd move her, her several cats, 2 horses and all her belongings. This is a great stressor to even think about but I have to think about it.

Please pray for me and my landlady/roommate. Pray that I did indeed stop the foreclosure and that her son will realize he has to pay his loans on this house and he really should be paying me for my services. I'm being taken advantage of and I know that yet I can't abandon my roommate/landlady either. She has nobody to help her and I care a whole lot. Even though she doesn't appreciate a thing I'm doing for her and most of the time she doesn't realize what all I do either. Nobody does really.

Plus I have no power so if she lands in the hospital I can't get any information as I'm not family and have no authority. Same with her bills, I can't pay them because her banking institutions cannot give me information that's confidential. Her doctor it's the same thing. So my hands are tied and she forgets her house went into foreclosure so I have to talk myself blue to get her to go to the bank with me so they can show her that it's truely in foreclosure. Otherwise, she lives life as though nothing's wrong and we can't just ignore foreclosure papers, you know.

Her doctor needs to hear some things from me but without some paper giving me authority I can't tell him that she's not safe to drive. Just tons of things like that which leave me frustrated in trying to help her over here. I'm unable to help in some of those matters without her permission and she's in denial. I need some power of authority and even asked her mom if she would be power over her money and then she can allow me to pay the bills. I don't want power over her money but through her mother I can pay her bills because she's getting to the point that she can't write checks. So something needs to be done by somebody. I really need prayer from anybody who reads this.

What to do...

Well, so much for my yacking. Sorry for the rant. I've never talked to anybody about this situation online before so there's a start. What should I do? Thank you all for any feedback and your prayers!

It's a risky idea to offer someone that has no experience in caregiving room and board to "care" for your dad. Every county has an adult program that provides companion services through the Department of Aging. Check with them first to see if you qualify for companion services. And, if for any reason, you do not qualify you can contact nurse staffing services that offer companion services. Companion services are very affordable and they are trained in CPRand basic medical services if the need should arise. Feel free to give me a call if you need additional assistance. 410.800.3365 Senior-to-Senior

To the anonymous non-paid tenant, your situation is deplorable. I wish i had some advice to help you, but i will definitely pray for you and the family involved. something has got to give. if the son does nothing, the bank will force him to do something at some point. he won't be able to ignore it forever. eviction (horrible) will occur eventually i would imagine. good luck to you. maybe someone else here will have some helpful advice for you.

Dear New Mexico Tam,

I forgot to add that the son never showed up today and to be truthful, I really didn't expect him to after what he's done. But his girlfriend tells my landlady that he's coming or that she's coming here to visit and my poor landlady gets all ready for company and is looking forward to it just to be let down as they just don't show up.

Hopefully the girlfriend will show up as she's told my landlady she would tomorrow (Saturday). My roommate doesn't need emotional games or for that matter nobody does. Anyway, thank you for your prayers and comments.

Dear NewMexico Tam,

Something happened to the post in between yours and this last one of mine. If it doesn't show up, I'll retype it. Thanks.

NM Tam-- Thank you for your kind words. It was a situation like I said that was "meant to be" from the Good Lord above.

to Anonymous - I feel badly for your situation. It sounds like the family is not treating you or their own mother/relative properly. Unfortunately- we do not have power to change other people, and as long as it is going along the way it is--- they are probably not likely to change. You are in a hard place. You want to help your landlady, which is admirable, yet she is not in a position to comprehend your situation it sounds like. It would be very appropriate to have a frank, but polite talk with the son and express your concerns. Try not to attack him, but politely express how YOU are feeling(frustrated, concerned, etc ) or where you see his mother's needs becoming greater. Let him know that you are hapy to help out, but you wondered if he/ they might consider compensating you through lower or no rent. Well, I don't know the relationship- so you will have to decide how much and what to say exactly on your first talk-if you are even comfortable with that. It does look like though- unless you speak up or create a change yourself- that things will continue going as they are, or fall apart financially. Try to be a "team" attacking a problem, and not any particular person. That is my best advice I can give. And of course, pray. Invite God to help in your situation. I will pray for you too!

You only have control over you. You have to decide if you just want to continue on as is, or make it clear what you can and cannot do for your landlady. I wish you blessings from above, and wisdom to do/ say the right thing in this situation---whatever that might be.

Dear New Mexico Tam,

I can't remember what all I typed into the post that's not showing so not to worry about it I guess. Thank you for your prayers and comments. To be honest, the fact that anybody responded brought me to tears. Who knows why I would react like that but I did. Thank you for caring.

Dear Kim F,

Your post also gave me tears. I guess just the fact that people do care gets to me. This is a good thing by the way, not a bad thing (my tears).

As far as the son goes, I've tried all along to be a team with him and at the first he was very receptive and he's the one who brought up the idea of compensating me for what I do for his mother. After a few more months or maybe a year and a decline in his mothers mental cognition, he started avoiding calling me back. He did bring up one more time the idea of compensating me but then added that he'd have to see what type of experience I have. This was an insult as at that point I'd been doing this for his mother for almost 2 years. Plus he knows that I have worked in hospice and other medical facilities in my lifetime many years ago. So obviously I have some experience. Still, I saw his statement as a copout for him to not have to pay me. I still feel that's the case.

Either way, I'm here and I've still left kind messages for him to call, especially when this house went into foreclosure. My personality is not an attacking type infact I'd love to be a team with anybody in my landlady's family so we can work together. Without some help I really don't know just how much I can do without somebody getting some power of attorney somewhere in here soon. My landlady is not getting any better but worse and quite fast I hate to say.

Her mother is a sweetheart and I just love her. She is at a loss at what she can do to help and that's when I asked if there isn't some way for her to get power of attorney and then she can give me authority to go in to the doctor, the banks, God forbid a hospital but whatever is necessary that my landlady can't do by herself. Like her banking, she's lost and I'm over here just guessing what she's done this week. Her banking accounts are messed up, I know that much and she's counting on me for food, gas, cat food, lunches out and toll road monies et-cetera. Well, I don't have all that much for myself and am broke for helping her out with what I could. Now we're both hurting. I feel bad saying no to gas money or buying her lunch out but I have to say it or we both go without.

Today I had to take her to A.T & T for them to show her how to delete her messages, at least that's what she says. We get there and she can't tell them what it is she needs. The man and myself were both trying to figure out what was needed but she started accusing the man of deleting all of her messages and he hadn't deleted even one. She then started showing him her texts that she recieves. Well, the A.T. and T man isn't interested in who's texting her. Yet she persists and when he turned to me to say something, she became angry and walked out. Typical behavior on her part. She walks out of the banks, the grocery store, the feed store, the Doctors office....oh boy. She's a pickle alright. Smiling, I really care for her so please don't think I don't for calling her a pickle. :)

Yes, please pray and believe me when I say I'm praying daily, several times a day. If just one family member would take interest it would make all the difference. As it stands, my roommate is convinced that her son is going to have his loan payments taken out of his banking account automatically each month starting this month. His girlfriend told my landlady this. After this house has gone into foreclosure and the reinstatement form hasn't come in the mail after 2 weeks, I hope it really is going to be paid by this automatic payment from his account but I'm afraid I don't put much confidence in him at this point. By the end of this month we'll know.

If he doesn't, my landlady, even with my rent, can't make her sons loan payments. This means I have to try to find a place for 3 bedrooms of furniture, several cats and a few horses and what I have. And all this in our income range. I don't think it's going to be a 3 bedroom house but some downsizing for certain. Horses to pasture and a few less cats. I'm not superwoman here.

I fear that moving will harm my landlady emotionally as so far what her own son has done caused her nose to start bleeding and she wouldn't eat for a few days and was crying all rolled up in her blankets all day. This is just the opposite of her personality as she is very very hyperactive and eats like a growing teenage boy and still loses weight. So if we have to move we really need prayer, lots of it.

On I wanted to address somebody else on this board who started this conversation, vonbook.

Dear Vonbook,

In finding somebody for your father please be careful. (now I'm remembering what I wrote in the post that's missing from yesterday). When I first moved in here, I can't tell you how many people were taking advantage of my landlady. I'm talking businesses, neighbors and friends alike. It's awful how many people will take advantage of someone like your father or my landlady. I put a stop to all of the ones I know about.

When I first moved in here, after about 6 months I had had it and was going to move out. My landlady called her son and told him. Do you know what he did? He didn't talk to me and ask why, he didn't come over. No, no, he called Craig's list. That's right, Craig's list. And the first 24 hours he had 4 people to move in here. Can you believe he would have total strangers from Craig's list move in here? I can't. That was terrible. Anybody could have come in here and really taken advantage of my landlady. She is so vulnerable.

Anyhow, I will pray for your situation and your father. I pray too that whoever you get, is an honest person with a compassionate heart and lots of patience. Also that he or she is compensated and has time off. Oh how I could use some time off!

God Bless and thank you folks so much for your input and prayers and your concern. What an uplift this has been.

hey Anonymous-- been super busy, but been thinking of you. It's easy to say what needs to happen in terms of communication, but if other parties aren't willing, it sure is hard, isn't it. If the son ever brings up compensation again--- jump on it. It sounds like he is trying to avoid you now. I would also think you need to draw some clear boundaries in what you can and cannot do. Like paying for her bills is not your responsibility. It's not clear to me who usually pay those bills and who does have POA. But that is probably the person you need to talk to. Is that the son who won't call back? You are in a very difficult position. But it seems to me some of these things will have to be addressed for there to be any change. Do you agree? Don't feel bad about saying "NO" to paying her bills. Roles and responsibilities seem to have become blurred. Is there one family member that seems slightly interested.
who could you take these concerns to? If not, is there a Social Services agency that might be able to advise and help you and your landlady? I will continue to pray for you and her. God knows you, and her and He sees and cares. Sorry I was so slow to respond. Good luck with all.

Dear Kim F,

Thank you so much for your concern and prayers. This really means the world to me.

As far as who is her POA, nobody is. My landlady/roommate does her own bills but is at that point in the progression of this disease that I need to remind her when to pay what. And believe me when I tell you she gets very angry at me accusing me of thinking she's losing her mind. I try to reassure her that I don't believe she's losing her mind but that I'm simply a friend who happened to see a bill that is late in it's payment.

Also I remind her that's it's not her fault that it's this short term memory loss (that's what she'll admit to having and nothing more), not her. I'm continually bumping heads with her because she needs direction in everything in her life at this point and she's a stubborn, proud woman with a big ego. When I tell you that it's not to put her down but simply the facts of the matter here. So you or anyone can see that this situation is really a tough one already but when you have someone that doesn't want your help, who thinks they don't need help or who doesn't want to cooperate, that only makes this a real stress test.

There are many times too that she has no problem asking where we are going while in the car or what we're buying while at the store et-cetera. In other words, it depends on her mood as to if she'll accept my help without the dramatics (on her part) or not.

I sincerely doubt that her son will contact me again but if he does I need to tell him that somebody needs to get POA in this situation. Obviously I don't trust him for a good reason. I did talk and keep trying to talk to her mother about POA also. That maybe she would take that role and then allow me to make out the checks to pay the bills, go to her doctor, and all these things that she shouldn't or can't do alone. Also when it comes to making out checks she can barely remember how to write anymore so she needs help from somebody. I need to tell her the month, day and year and can see that she forgets how to write words while making out a check.

You asked "But it seems to me some of these things will have to be addressed for there to be any change. Do you agree?" I agree absolutely.

Infact you also made the observation that the lines have been crossed as to roles and responsibilities and that is so true. It's crazy and I don't know how to stop that. When someone is lost in their thinking I can't just not notice or pretend it's not my problem. I'm living here.

Today I tried to call her mother again to see if she'll give me the name and numbers of my landlady/roommate's siblings. Maybe one of them (there are 3 of them) will help.

As far as saying 'no' I have but it usually causes a scene. Still, I stand my ground or am learning to do that anyhow. It's so true the bills are not mine and they are not my responsibility.

And as to boundaries, I have been working on how I'm being treated by my landlady/roommate. She's got a bad habit of cutting me to the quik and this can be over anything. How I comb my hair, what clothes I wear, how I drive, how dinner tasted, how she's got a nasty habit of asking me a question on how to do something or what is the document she is handing me and when I answer she turns on me yelling to me that "it's none of your business!"

Also, once she went to hit me and she did this in front of two men who were trying to fix her vehicle. I was trying to translate her impossible sentences that made no sense whatsoever to these men as they looked to me for help because she cannot explain what she needs. The minute I opened my mouth she doubled up her fist and swung missing my nose by about a hair and yelling for me to "shut up!" Those guys felt sorry for me and could see that she's just not normal. In these areas I'm trying to draw boundaries because she seems to get a kick out of humiliating me in public especially. It's not at all nice nor acceptable behavior. Now I realize that some of that is her Alzheimer's but then it's my opinion that some of it is simply her personality because she sure doesn't treat her friends like that.

Do I get fed up? Absolutely. Sometimes to the point that I'm ready to just pack it up and move out but then I just can't leave her without somebody to help. Next month makes 3 years that I've been trying to help and her disease is getting worse fast. Just watching this is sad let alone leaving her alone. I can't leave her alone. And really I think I'm the only one in her life that does understand what she's trying to explain when she tries to explain things. You know how you learn their language? Yeah, that's what's happened, I know what she's trying to say when nobody else does.

Now, I'm not trying to make her out to be some monster and that's probably how it looks but she's not a monster, just a big ego and lots of anger. Slamming doors, cabinets, throwing things, these are things I try to stop her from doing by trying to talk to her. I really need more prayers.

She can be a very gracious woman so there's that side also and I really do believe that her anger, at least most of it, is because she is losing her abilities to do the things she used to and she is losing her memory about every 30 seconds. I'd be angry too. Hopefully the anger part will pass so we can get on with trying to work together as a team, not as competition as she somehow sees me. It is sad and maddening.

Please pray that her mother or a brother or sister will come into this picture and be her POA so they can give me permission to go in to her doctor appointment with her since she can't explain herself to him and maybe they, one of her siblings will pay the bills et-cetera.

Please pray that Gods will be done in this situation because it's certain I'm not sure what's the right thing or the best thing for my landlady/roommate. I do know that I don't want her to end up in a facility. I want to be here for as long as possible for her. In this house as this is where her heart is and her animals. I'm afraid moving would throw her into a tailspin.

Thank you for everything. May God bless you.

You really need to read this book (everyone does, actually) called the 36 hour day. It is for caregivers and helps with all areas of dementing illnesses:

http://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Disease-Dementias/dp/0801885094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274377437&sr=1-1

I feel your pain about her not realizing the extent of her condition. Just yesterday my dad figured out that we were going to change things on him again (moving him to a better place tomorrow), and was really pissed. He wouldn't let me explain or finish my sentences (not like it would have done much good anyway). He was questioning my making decisions for him (didn't recall making me his power of attorney) and felt his civil rights were being violated, that i was doing something illegal to him. he ended up calling his attorney, and was making very little sense to him too. the attorney is well versed on his condition luckily. today he's acting calmer, probably doesn't remember what happened yesterday. he doesn't understand that he is the one with the progressive dementia and therefore can't live alone and needs help. he wanted me to tell him dates and times of negative behavior incidents that occurred, as if i was making it all up.

as far as your lady being combative, that to me is a huge red flag that she needs to be in a skilled nursing facility (that medicaid will pay for) that has lock-down capability. once they get to that stage, it's practically impossible to care for them in a home environment, i think. maybe others will chime in with their thoughts on this. still praying for you! one thing you can count on, things are going to change. nothing stays the same forever.

You make a good point, NM Tam- things do always change. That can be a hopeful thought for all of us. Dealing with ageing can sure be a difficult time. My family is has gone/is going through it too. I lost my dad in 2008. The year and a half before was filled with hospitals and rehabs and finally a home. I hated that he had to be there. I wanted him to come home before he died, but God didn't ask me. One day my mom got a call from the home saying he was gone. Nobody expected it yet. We thought he had many months left. I miss him so badly. That was an especially trying period.

Now this Jan. my brother's wife had a stroke. She is only 58. Insurance stopped paying for rehab and institutional care and sent her home ready or not. My brother is working full time and caring for her in the evenings. He is presently paying $19/hr for her care and had to access money he is not supposed to touch until after retirement, getting penalties of course. He is concerned about losing his home.

My husband was in the hopital in April with COPD. Nearly didn't make it on April 16th. God had the right people in the right place and the right time and they literally saved his life. That is another story! He is learning to adjust to a slower lifestyle, but it is hard on him. I am just now back to working my regular 28 hrs/wk. as of this week.

I will write more later as I need to go help with dinner now. But hang in there Anonymous, take one day at a time. Get whatever help you can from the family- maybe the brother and sister could be of some help?

You are right. What affects her affects you because you live there. For example = if the light bill isn't paid and the electricity goes off--- Well, you are affected just as much as her! Maybe you could subtract what you pay towards her bills from your rent? Itemize each bill you pay, write it down and show whoever you give the check to --- and tell them too beforehand. Or =- is that her? another complication if she doesn't understand. O my= you have your hands full. Just remember = you are not alone. God, above all, is with you. And I will be praying that He sends you others - related or not-- guides you to them, helps you find them-- that can help you and your landlady. She is certainly blessed to have you for her tenant/roomate! God bless you.