Swine Flu took his only son

Oh Sue Ann, I'm so sorry. Please share my condolences with your husband. As a parent myself, the last thing you ever want to do is bury your child. This man's mother's decision to not let your husband know of their son's grave condition is unforgivable.

Is your husband spiritual? I think it's easy to turn our shock and sorrow after a loved one's passing to an opportunity to explore all of our own regret or guilt. I know this may not mean much, but I like to think that 1) my loved ones, from heaven, know what's in my heart and 2) can hear me when I talk to them. Think about all the words people say they don't mean. "Sure I'll call." or "That dress doesn't make you look fat." (my small attempt at humor) It's often the words we have trouble getting out of our mouths that hold a heavier weight. Those words are in our heart. Maybe your husband didn't deliver the words he wanted to say while his son was living, but encourage him to tell him know and have peace that he knows.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. hugs

That was pretty low of the son's wife and the Ex to not notify your husband of his son's condition.Too bad there wasn't some sort of policy for hospitals, to notify kin if a person is very ill in a hospital.

I'd have to agree with Missy about telling his son now what he feels. Take him to his son's grave site so he can be alone and be able to talk to him. I hope it helps.

I'm so very sorry of your loss.

Good advice from all. Your husband needs to feel that he has had the chance those two selfish women denied him, and you both need help for him to deal with his grief. Does he have a PCP? He sounds to me as if he needs some therapy, and he certainly sounds depressed. I have depression, too, and I know that the medication I take (low dosage) has given me my life back. Perhaps this would help. I think having someone objective and not emotionally involved in this terrible situation to talk to would help him work his way through it, also. Plus, YOU need to be able to vent and work through your emotions, too. Anger, even righteously felt (and boy, is it!) can be corrosive if you hold on to it. This is something I have trouble with, too, so I know how it can eat you up; I'd be really mad at these two and their unforgiving attitude, too! But you need to work through it and learn to let it go; let's face it, it's not hurting THEM any, but it's taking its toll on YOU. Besides, people who behave like that don't deserve your time and energy to even think about them. Focus on the two of you and getting the peace of mind back these two callously stole. God bless you both in your loss and grief. Please keep coming back; we're all here for you.

My condolences for your husband's loss and the anger and grief you are both going through. Don't forget, there is free help out there, contact your health department and find some grief counselors Talking this out will help tremendously, besides writing a grief log of all he wanted to say to his son. Visiting the grave site alone might be helful too. God Bless you both and please reach out to others. There are so many good people out there.

Do everything you can to get your husband to a therapist for counseling! If he hasn't the insurance coverage for this and you haven't the finances, check with Community Mental Health, or get on the list for help from Catholic Social Services. I imagine his grief will be compounded by the fact his relationship with his son had been strained and now there will never be an opportunity to fix this. Wishing you best.

I agree that there is no need to waste anymore valuable time on these two women, at all..... Both of you talking to his Son could be very Helpful, as, I also believe, that, all we have to do is call to the person that we are grieving for and start to tell them whatever it is that we desire to say to them..... they will know and it can bring you both such comfort. I agree w/ visiting the grave site also, it helps me, for some reason, to actually be there, so that i am able to sit in my wheelchair and say the Lord's Prayer as a start and then just "talk".... time passes so quickly and before I realize it, I have been there much longer than I had planned. My Friend/ Caretaker and I then stop en route home for a "treat" and visit on our ride. We never fail, to feel a complete "turn around".... Absolutely Amazing how God and His Angels, are there at All times to Help Us In Need..... The Best of Luck to You Both...
Let Go, Let God............ Amen ~JeanA~

Thank you all for your kind words. As for the daughter-in-law,...My husband called her the other day and asked if it would be possible to see his two grand children. She said NO, and that she was honoring her husbands wishes. She just doesn't get it. Life is for the living!!! and it took a lot of courage on my husbands part to pick up that phone and make the call. I think rejection is a form of hate and can be so abusive and distructive. I just wonder, what went thru her mind and what was felt in her heart, when she hung up...I pity her selfish soul.

Well friends, my husband is in the ICU at local hospital. Everything is shutting down in his body. His blood sugar is 450+ and continues to rise. They have put the tube down his throat to breath and tubes and needles everywhere they can. They tell me he is not doing well at all. I've spent the entire day at the hosp and back again this evening. I finally was able to fall asleep for an hour and was awaken by the phone from nurse. Things are turning downward rapidly and I'm so tired and afraid of what is to come today that I am frozen in place in front of this computer. I always knew this day would come, I believe his son's death has killed my husband before his own diseases would have. I know I should run up to the hospital but am so unsure I should drive, no sleep and I can't think straight. But most of all I don't want to see him suffer his last hours and I don't want to face what is ahead and I can't let him go and don't know what to do. I want the world to STOP spinning so fast. I so hate this part of life-death.

update: Critical but Stable !

Thank God! We'll keep up the prayers for the both of you. Hope things continue to improve. By the way, have you ever told/shown your husband this website's responses to you? Maybe it would help to know we care, but you would know best. Keep updates when you can, but more importantly be with him and ALSO TAKE TIME TO DE-STRESS YOURSELF!!! Take care.

Yes, when he was home i did share this particular page w/him. Tears rolled down his face. UPDATE: still in ICU trying to remove from ventilator slowly to see if he will breath on his own. Fear now is pneumonia. He tore his asphagus when vomiting continuously at home. they scoped him and repaired it. but, prior to that, they found a blood clot in his lung, so gave bld thinners and then all hell broke loose. (bleeding, stomach and lungs). His MRSA has broke out again in his nose. He is heavily sedated and restrained. Tubes everywhere, pic line inserted and IV's galore. Doc says, "Critical" but stable. If he does pull thru, and doc is hopeful, it may change his outlook on living his precious life given him. I have taken time to start DE-Stressing..I only go to hosp once a day and sometimes just look thru the window and don't wake him. he only gets upset when i leave.

I am so sorry for your heartache!

Sue Ann I am new to this blog but I want to extend to both you and your husband my prayer of support. I read through your story and I was appalled at the insensitivity and hate that came from your husbands ex and his daughter in law. Yet, as bad as that might seem, I agree 100% with Patricia Anne and Wholeheart that you both need to talk with someone you feel that you can trust. I pray that your husband is able to leave the hospital, but if that is not possible than I pray that you are able to receive that help. Good Luck and God Bless!

Update>>> He pulled thru it all and came home today. Doc changed all his meds and took him off the narcotics completely. He is doing well and is thankful to be alive. Maybe this was Gods way of shaking him up ALOT so he can get on with his precious life. Thanks to all for your kindness and support thru such a difficult time. Blessing to you all. We are so lucky to have each other. It's amazing how much comfort comes from these connections.

God bless you! Such good news to get, especially with all the snow we've got here in Ohio! Keep living for the day and looking forward to the future; who knows, maybe God will give a smack upside the head to the selfish daughter-in-law. By the way, when he's able, maybe your husband could write letters to his grandchildren, and hold onto them until either the DIL gives in, or they get old enough that she can't stop them from contacting you. Then he could give them the letters and they could see, in his own writing and dated, how much he loves them and wanted to be part of their lives. In either case, keep smelling the roses and enjoy the view along the way together!

Oh such encouraging advise..thank you so much. Great idea about the letters.. I'll leave the DIL up to God to deal with. He knows best.

UPDATE: you'll never guess who called me. The Ex-wife. she called to tell my husband about a mutual friend whose daughter passed.(of course I didn't let her speak with him). She does more harm then good. I told her about my husband and she was very upset. She also gave me further info about my step-sons passing. Autopsie showed there WERE other contributing factors to his death. Enlarged heart, liver issues, blood clots etc. He was a very sick 43 year old man prior to his contacting the "Swine Flu". I am guessing he wasn't taking care of himself well and when he contact the "FLU" it did him great harm and his body couldn't fight any more. Great relief to my husband to have this info. He could have sworn his son was a healthy man. This was what was hard to understand for him. Now he has a little peace of mind. But, just a little...

Wow! A crack in the wall! I'm so glad your husband got at least a little peace of mind from this call. I think you're right to not let her talk to him; you never know when a call can turn spiteful, and he doesn't need that. I'm glad she was upset when she heard about his health; maybe this will work on her heart and make a change for the better. God bless you both.