Hi Kim,

Ah, honey. ((((HUGS)))) It's been a tough road!

It is my own personal sincere belief that while our loved ones may leave their bodies, they never leave our hearts or our minds. We see them everywhere, all the time, and they see us. They've only changed form and now are flying. :)

Here's some information on how COPD progresses. http://www.caring.com/questions/stages-of-copd Perhaps it will help you be prepared as things change. Here is also a post about how you're feeling and how to help yourself deal with it: http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/caregivers-fear-of-the-inevitable

Please feel free to post and let us know how you are doing and we're here for you!

Hi Kim, Wow we have alot in common, my mother will be 70 the 24th of this month, I am the youngest of 3 and I am 42, my mother had a heart attack when I was 18 and when I was 22 had a quadruple bypass, over the years she has acquired copd and empysema along with heart disease, her heart disease is now only treatable with medication. My Dad passed away in 2003 from a stroke, so my mother was living a a senior building alone up until last december when, everything suddenly took a change, her empysema got worse, she is on 4 liters of oxygen, constantly. Has like your mother lost and extreme amount of weight. She is now down to 108 pounds. She is on breathing medications 4 to be exact on top of pain medication and anixiety meds. That is probably her worst thing is panic (anxiety) attacks, not being able to breath scares them. My mom was like your mom always a rock, and now the roll has reversed. In december she was in and out of the hospital, I lost my job because of it. Then the doctor told me I should think about hospice and I just had a break down thinking omg she only has a little time left, and then he explained to me that hospice can actually help them live longer, it keeps them out of the hospital (where lets face it anyone can catch anything there) and when she does get a respitory infection the nurse catches it and gets her on meds as quickly as possible, unlike having to drag her to the doctor and then she catches something else in the office. The nurse we have is great, she also has a massage therapist which help with her breathing by losing tense muscles so they can breath better. My mom is on probably a total of 20 different medications. I have always been the closet one to my mother she moved in with us after she got out of the hospital, I have gone through all the process of being her paid caregiver, and I am enjoying what time I have left with her, I don't know how I will handle losing her and she has always been with me I have never gone a day without talking to her. My brother lives in another state but my sister lives in the same neighborhood and rarely comes to see my mom or even help, that is what frustrates me, not having help from my sister, don't get me wrong, I have a husband who helps and 2 amazing teenage boys who also help but sometime the responsibility takes its toll on me. I see her declining everyday and the dementia is lack of oxygen to her brain your mom probably needs to be on constantly, although it has caused my mother depression because you are tied down to it, it does keep her mind clearer. The also gave my mom a vpap machine which helps her at night. i would say your dad needs help taking care of her, it is alot to handle on your own. If youi have any other questions or just want to talk to someone in the same boat feel free to email me. Lynda

It is difficult when the roles are reversed and you suddenly see your parent as fragile. It's th circle of life [not to be tr9ite] but that's the way it is. Obsessing over losing someone when you don't know how long she has left saps your strength and energy. If you are on antidepressants, I assume you have a therapist or at least could get a referral to one. It helps so much to talk to a professional who is objective, but totally in your corner to help you and has no agenda of their own. It will help you grieve and get things in perspective, not to mention how to conserve energy for when you really need it

Your story brought tears to my eyes.. Your pain is felt by so many. I am on the other hand of the tears.. as I am the one who is living with COPD. I cry when I am alone, because of the sadness that I will one day bring to my Husband, Children and sister. I am only 59 and have had COPD for 9yrs now.. it has gotten much worse in the last couple of years, I am sure due to the flu and pneumonia that got me down at that time.. And I cry because I dont want to go.. not yet.. not now.. There is so much out there I have not seen or done.. I am afraid.. You say your mother is on 20 different medicines, and I am sure that is plenty.. is she also on an antidepressant to calm her and not make her so sad? You are there for your dad, and that is so wonderful. Without you he would be lost. My prayers are for you, to be able to cope and go on. Your mother will forever be with you, and I know that doesnt always mean much when you dont have her THERE.. next to you.. sitting at the Thanksgiving table.. but.. you must remember all the good, and all the love that she showed you.. and let her know that she did a great job.. tell her over and over how much you love her, and tell her to rest if she needs to.. share the moments you have with her now, at the show or a road trip.. so she has no fear of shortness of breath.. She is very lucky to have a daughter so loving.. God Bless...

First of all, HUGS to you for your enormous strength. I completely understand your feelings of "helplessness" to your fears of losing Mom. I too share what you are going through and beleive me its hard. I have had to be prescribed anxiety medications due to my own panic attacks over my mother. and my blood pressure skyrocketed since I have been taking care of her. My mother is 69 this year and she has severe COPD and is on 24hr oxygen. She unfortunatley is a smoker as well. She has had 2 heart attacks the last 2 Octobers(brought on by "panic attacks" because she couldn't get her breath) She is Type II diabetic. She has spinal stenosis and 2 hips that need replaced. I worry about her constantly. I moved her this last July from her home across state to come and live with myself and my husband because her quality of life was not being met by her caregivers in her home. I knew it was going to be hard but I guess I underestimated that part. But,since she has been with me for the last 4 months she has improved on all fronts dramatically. Her breathing is so much better now even though COPD is not reversable it is still way better. She cut down from 2 packs a day to 1/2 pack. Going out of the house (doctor visits,etc. )is the most taxing on my nerves. She cannot be away for too long becouse she uses nebulizer every 4 hours. When she moved over she was on 40mg of Prednisone for her lung passageway which in turn made her diabetic. So trying to maintain her sugar levels was a rollercoaster all day every day. However, with gradual tapering off, she is no longer on the Prednisone and her blood sugar levels have regulated to normal. THank God!! Her last visit with here Heart doctor gave her the OK and her follow up is not for 6months now. It has taken alot to get her where she is at now and it has worn me thin. I work full time and then come home to care for her is exhausting. I change her O2 tanks every day, bathe every 2-3 days, make her meals for the day every morning, and lots more. She is pretty self sufficient for herself but just needs help with some things. I haven't had time to research online where to get in home help but I need it because I still worry all the time. SHe has Medicare and Blue Cross/Blue Shield so I know I can get help just dont know where. I would really like a Nurse or someone to come over a couple hours a day just to check on her while I am away at work. So anyways, I feel your pain and understand your fears and it will get better in time.
Julie

Hi , my Name is Marysol I am the younger daughter my mother neve live with me she always live with my older sister in Venezuela and then she decide to come to rhe United State when my mother was 93 years old now she is 97 with alzhaimer and since she came to live with me i take care of her with the help of my husband we are alone in this painful task i feel lately with no energy a feeling of sadnes I really do not know how to handle this see my mom like other person is so painful and so stresful I am afraid all of the time for her and for me because emotionally I am completly destroy and I fear for my physical health and not strong emotionally as my sister is but she do not want to help I am just asking for your prayers to God to give my husband and I the peace and strenght to keep going Thanks to every one who read this Marysol

Marysol and Anon,

Probably the best place to start is your mom's primary care physician

[PCP] They should be able to refer you to a social worker or a home health care agency. Or try your local social services agency or agency on aging. God love you for what you do everyday!

You are all so wonderful and because of all of you I feel less alone in my fears and pain.

Thank you debilou for allowing me to see how my mother may feel being the one with COPD. It makes me realize that maybe I need to stop focusing on my pain and fears and help her work through her own.

My mom had a heart attack 2 weeks ago on Oct. 19th which was brought on by extreme stress caused by a family tragedy. This is the first heart attack she has had since her first one in 2002. She is now on more heart pills and we have bottles of Nitro everywhere. She has required nitro everyday for chest pain or arm discommfort. There is no surgery options due to her lungs so she is home and Nitro is all we have to stop another attack.

To help mom, I purchased a transport wheelchair and a walker with a seat and she FINALLY accepted using these tools. I explained to her that now she has more FREEDOM than she has had in the past 9 years. I told her now we can go anywhere and everywhere. She no longer has to walk and be so out of breath that she can't have a quality life. My husband and I took the wheelchair and walker to her house yesterday and she was actually EXCITED about them. I did not tell her I was getting them.

My husband and I told my parents that we want them to live with us when they are READY to live with us.

I think I am finally accepting the way this is going and I just want to spend as much time as I can with her and make her happy.

I need all of you and this site. It really helps me. I hope that I can help all of you as well.

Thank you

What state do you live in Kim?