Hi i just lost my father on august 30, 2009 to COPD. He was only 53 years old.I took care of him, he lived with me. He struggled for four long years to try to breathe. In April of 2008 he had a heart attack because his heart worked so hard to get oxygen to the organs that where starving. Every sense he just continued to get worse. He couldn't walk, he starting aspirating so they had to put a a feeding tube in him because he couldn't eat or drink by mouth. They had to install a pace maker and defribulator in him. He got anixety really bad and was not able to sleep at nite. He had to start wearing diapers. He got so week you could hardly hear his voice when he tried to talk and he spent over 80% of his last year in a half in the hospital. He really suffered, their was not one day that went by even when he was in the hospital that i didn't go see him three times a day and spend at least 2 hrs at a time with him. I love my daddy more than anything and my heart goes out to anyone that loses someone they love to COPD. My daddy was my best friend. My heart is just tore into because he is no longer here with me and i just do not know how to cope with it. I know that he suffered so much but it does not ease my pain. i know that sounds selfish but its the truth. i have not been able to go back to work because all i do is cry.

Iam new to this so you have to help me out,my wife had copd for 6yrs,she recently pasted away on 23rd july 2009,i miss her so much & feel so lonely now that she is gone.i was her carer for the whole time,i sit and cry most of the time thinking of her,im seeing a bereavment councilor on a weekly basis also getting antidepresants from my doctor to try to ease the pain im going through with my loss.can anyone tell me if it will get easier for me,we would have been married for 43yrs this december,miss her so much

Oh, Billy! Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. While I can't say that the pain will ever go away, I do believe it will get easier as you get a little time. Love never dies, Billy. (((hugs)))

Many thanx for your advice,as my wife was cremated and i have her ashes at home as she had wished.I have ordered a new urn to commemorate her memory,i also donatated £500 to the ward and staff for all they done for her while she was in there care,it was the leased i could do to help others with copd.

I understand how each of you feel and are suffering,my husband passed away on May 11,2007(about 2 and a half years ago),and I still miss him terribly, I am doing better but after 48 years with the love of your life it does not heal easily. I went to greif counciling,(after a miserable 8 monthes), that helped a lot for me just knowing that other people are going through the same thing you are and you are not alone really helped me. My husand was on oxygen 24 hours a day for 11 years and he did not want me to mention Hospice, so I tok care of him myself, the last 2 years,when he really needed taking care of, we had no relatives near by and friends seem to fade away when someone is sick. The few friends and church friends who did last were afraid I would give out first, but I made it through. I was digosed with C.O.P.D. 3 years ago and I am on o2 at night and am close to being on it 24/7 just walking from room to room gets me short of breath, and I know first hand what is coming I just trust in God to take care of me. I think a lot of the good and bad years we had, mostly good, I am 70 now and my husband was 78 when he passed. He did not want anyone else to care for him but me,so I stayed every night every time he was in the hospital (the last 2 yeas he was in and out) I only came home to let the dogs out 2 times a day that really takes a toll on you, but I really loved him and so I was there for him. I don't wish this terrible desease on anyone, and I hope everyone quits smoking before its too late. May God Bless and comfort every one of you on this site. P.S. I had that whole poem put on the card at the service, I'm talking about the last line in the reply above. If anyone would like it I would be glad to give it to you.

hello,

Im new to this. My Mother is 61 has had COPD since 2002 and over the past 2 weeks I have begun to worry that this is the beginning of the end or the end stage as Ive just read on this site. She is stuggling to breathe, not sleeping, not eating alot at all and relying on oxgygen more and more.

I am her only care giver and I'm 30 yrs old with no partner.My grandfather died of COPD around 6 years ago and all I remember was like he was choking. Im petrified to do this alone and cannot imagine all the things Im going to have to go through and watch and most of all scared of losing the other half of me.

Just don't know where to turn really as she is so proud and will only let me help if it gets really bad. Just distraught at whats coming and scared Im not strong enough :(

In 2000 my dad passed away with copd. I gave up my apartment to be with him and mom who also was ill with depression at the time. It was a long battle for dad. He struggled all the time to get a breath of air. He was a happy person considering his condition. We miss him dearly but I am gratful that he is not suffering anymore. We have to remember the good times we had together. I always remember that everytime he had an appointment he wanted to go eat a fish sandwich at the nearest burger king. I remember how much he enjoyed eating that sandwich. He also cared for mom during her depression years which seemed like they were forever. I remember as a child mom being depressed. I know how you feel and only our faith can give us the strength we need when a love one passes. You are blessed for caring for him when he needed you.

Hi Emilia. I am new to this site/forum and want to comment on your post. I have been caring for my mother now for about 10 years. She is in a long-term care facility but the girls who work there are run off of their feet. So 4 days a week I go there and stay with my mother until I take her to supper at 5:00. She was diagnosed with COPD over 10 years ago now. Unbelievable! She is 92 years old. How many times she has been deathly sick and pulled through I cannot tell you. But this illnes, COPD, is difficult on them first of all and for sure on us. Sometimes I think I am going out of my mind! About 8 years ago already i was asking her doctor 'how long this was going to last' and he didn't know. Oh my God little did I know (and her doctor too) that she'd still be here today. She is old and that frail little body fighting for air all the time. Her tummy heaving hup and down. And the coughing fits. The coughing fits are terrifying. When these coughing fits started, I used to get all upset and think she was going to choke to death right then and there. But now...after all these years, I just sit there and offer water if she wants and just wait for her to finish. I have gone through so much worrying that I am pretty tired. Once I get home from my mother's, I close the door behind me and just don't want to see anyone for the evening. Just be on my own and have quiet time. Socializing is still important to me. I go to my mother's 4 days a week and the other days I end up having lunch or dinner out. It is important that you get out. Keep in touch with friends and enjoy yourself. It is really nice to be able to carry on conversations with people as I cannot do that anymore with my mother. She will start a sentence and never finish it anymore. It just trails off without an end. She can't get up on her legs anymore. Takes everything out of her to get her from her chair to the commode. After which she is so stressed and it takes about 10-15 minutes for her to regulate her breathing. She cannot do anything by herself anymore. She has to be helped to dress. Also when I am not there she has to be put on the commode by one of the workers. She cannot make it to the washroom anymore. Getting her into her wheelchair is stressing for her too. I could go on and on and on....but what I want to say is....you can do it. You are strong and have to keep on going. Try, try not to worry. And enjoy yourself if you can. I think that's very important to OUR wellbeing. Good luck. Karina

The common threads I see in these emails are the sense of dread about the disease getting worse and the anxiety over not being able to do more or cope better. Probably crazy but the fact that other people have these exact same feelings make me feel a little better to know that I'm not alone in having these feelings. Another thing we all seem to have in common is wanting to know what to expect when and the fact that no one seems to be able to tell us 'what' or 'when'. I've found that the uncertainty is the most unsettling experience. That's where we just have to have faith and continue to do the best we can.

I still haven't told my husband that he will probably never be able to do without the inhalers simply because I don't know what else to tell him and I don't want him to get depressed. Since his quadruple bypass on Jan 2, 09 and being diagnosed w/ COPD that same week, he has also had surgery for an abdominal aneursym and has yet another surgery upcoming for a colon polyp. His cardiologist has been great with getting involved to make sure he has what he needs for his heart when it comes to the surgeries but I worry that he needs a respiratory specialist rather than just our family physician going forward.

Do any of you have a respiratory specialist and if so, at what stage did you get one involved. I feel like he needs someone who will know his condition from a base point that can track his progress. I'm afraid that I don't know enough to get him the help he may need when his status changes or that we may wait longer than we should. Can anyone recommend a respiratory specialist in the Raleigh NC area?

Thank you all for sharing. Best of luck to everyone and god bless.

YES, I AM CARING FOR MY FATHER WHO HAS COPD AS WELL AND IS IN THEE END STAGE. WHAT EVER THAT MEANS. I'M SURE THAT HE'S BEEN HERE AWHILE NOW BUT HAS BEEN WORSE OVER THE LAST 6 MONTHS. I CAN'T GET A CLEAR PICTURE FROM THE DOCTORS ON WHAT TIME HE HAS LEFT. IF YOU HAD TOLD ME A YEAR AGO HE WOULD STILL BE HERE NOW I WOULD HAVE LOST THE BET. HE IS ONE TOUGH COOKIE. HE'S NOT WALKING, VERY WEAK, CONFUSED, AND DOESN'T HAVE MUCH QUALITY OF LIFE. HE HAS CARETAKERS STAYING WITH HIM 24/7 AND IT'S COSTING A MINT. HE'S RUNNING OUT OF MONEY AND I'M CONSUMED WITH WORRY ON WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. IT'S SO SAD TO SEE HIM AT THIS POINT. I WORK FULL TIME AND HAVE A FAMILY SO THIS IS VERY HARD ON EVERYONE. WE HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS WITH HIM FOR NINE YEARS AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY MOTHER FOR YEARS BEFORE HE BECAME ILL. I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. IT'S EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY EXHASTING. THE ONE THING THAT GETS ME THROUGH EACH DAY IS KNOW THAT GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING AND HE NEVER PUTS MORE ON US THAN WE CAN HANDLE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR MOM.

YES, I AM CARING FOR MY FATHER WHO HAS COPD AS WELL AND IS IN THEE END STAGE. WHAT EVER THAT MEANS. I'M SURE THAT HE'S BEEN HERE AWHILE NOW BUT HAS BEEN WORSE OVER THE LAST 6 MONTHS. I CAN'T GET A CLEAR PICTURE FROM THE DOCTORS ON WHAT TIME HE HAS LEFT. IF YOU HAD TOLD ME A YEAR AGO HE WOULD STILL BE HERE NOW I WOULD HAVE LOST THE BET. HE IS ONE TOUGH COOKIE. HE'S NOT WALKING, VERY WEAK, CONFUSED, AND DOESN'T HAVE MUCH QUALITY OF LIFE. HE HAS CARETAKERS STAYING WITH HIM 24/7 AND IT'S COSTING A MINT. HE'S RUNNING OUT OF MONEY AND I'M CONSUMED WITH WORRY ON WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. IT'S SO SAD TO SEE HIM AT THIS POINT. I WORK FULL TIME AND HAVE A FAMILY SO THIS IS VERY HARD ON EVERYONE. WE HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS WITH HIM FOR NINE YEARS AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY MOTHER FOR YEARS BEFORE HE BECAME ILL. I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. IT'S EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY EXHASTING. THE ONE THING THAT GETS ME THROUGH EACH DAY IS KNOW THAT GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING AND HE NEVER PUTS MORE ON US THAN WE CAN HANDLE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR MOM.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your dad. I am just beginning my journey with my dad's final state COPD and am having problems finding information on what to expect. God bless you and May your Father rest in peace.