My mom is in hospice due to lung cancer ...I just need to vent

My mom was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer in Nov 2007 after being diagnosed she recieved chemo an radiation etc by May 2008 the cancer progressed and traveled to the brain. She got it removed  and after the surger is when, I feel, her condition took a turn for the worse because by the next month which was June she  was addmitted to the hospital and I was told that the cancer has progressed to stage 4 and there was nothing more they could do at that point and she was refered  to hospice. Well being the strong woman she is she wanted no part of hospice and refused to go. At that time she was unable to walk due to weakness and generally needed alot of help at that time. She was in denial about Everything she lied to the doctors about not living alone and tried to keep the doctors from talking to me and my sister. It came to a point where we had to arrange to speak to the doctors with out her knowing just to get the facts about her condition. I know she was just trying to protect us but this is something that we have to deal with as well ;my sister and I are her only children and were both adults.

After she came home from the hospital in July, she was on oxygen 24/7 but surprisingly willed her self to get the strength to walk and do things on her own again. I arranged for us to go to cancer center treatments of America. They helped as much as they could but said that she needed to get what ever infection she had in her chest cleared up before they could do any treatment. ( I wasn't too happy about that) After we came back home She was okay to be by her self for a while ;I came over everyday after work and she was doing okay until she had another episode with her heart and on top of that she caught Pnuemonia  she was hospitalized again and  this happend just this past November .  we were told that fluid had built up in the lungs and the right lung had collapsed they drained the fluid from the lungs and the heart.....again she was reccomended for hospice and once again she refused.

She is convenced that there is a doctor somewhere who will cut the tumor out of her chest or theres an alternative cure in mexico or she can sit in a sweat lodge with the indian's because thats there cure for cancer.... Okay so at this point  I admire her ability to fight and her will to live bu during this entire ordeal I have loss my optimisum and learned to accept her fate. Just two weeks ago she went back in the hospital because she thought she was going to go in the emergency room and have the doctors give her a prescription for what she called the flu and be back home by that afternoon ( we all knew that was not going to happen) of  course they addmited her ( I failed to mention this was a hospital she had only been to once and  not the hospital that was initially treating her cancer) she was kept for two weeks because she didn't have the flu she had pnuemonia again. the doctors there again said  there was nothing they could do about the cancer and treated her for the pnuemonia and again she was offered hospice except this time she accepted it only because I said they could help and that she could still seek alternative care.

My mom and I are very, very close but lately our relationship has been strained because of her stubburness and manipulation. My sister and I along with other family members are now on a rotational schedual to stay with her at all times. I can't explain how this is affecting me because I am both angry and tired (all the time). I love her dearly and want nothing more then for our relationship to go back to what it use to be but its hard because she doesn't realize the way she treats us. Its the little things...she runs me to the grocerey store at least 3 times a week ....she asks for things we all know she doesn't need or for food she's not going to eat etc...  basically she wants people to run and jump when she asks you to do something  and when you don't  or tell her you can't she gives you a guilt trip and tries to make you feel bad. 

I can't win for loosing with her at this point I try my best to do what she asks but it's never the right thing or the right color or the right tempurature....you get the picture.  Other times she's sweet as she can be and we open up to eachother and have great talks. I guess it comes with the territory its just getting harder and harder to cope these days.....