My husband has Stage IV Lung Cancer

PCameron.............say whatever needs to be said now. Unfortunately with Stage IV Lung Cancer you never really know just how long you have. My father was diagnosed on 4 Nov 09 with Stage IV lung cancer that had gone to the bone and was given 12-15 months. Six weeks later he was gone and we were stunned and he had just seen the doctor the day before! Sleeping all the time and loss of appetite were apparent and there was no desire to do anything. I wish I had done things differently with my father.....like not trying to force him to drink a shake to keep up his strength or forcing him to get out of bed hoping he would feel better--these I did the day we couldn't wake him up--he died the next morning. I am still devastated and have so much guilt for not realizing what was happening--I just thought it was the side effects of the radiation treatments. He did get the chance to tell us he loved us before he died and we did too, but it still doesn't change my deep feelings of guilt. All you can do is say what you want to say and keep him as comfortable as you can so that he can go peacefully. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Oh Catlady, I hope you can lose those feelings of guilt! You did the best you could with the information and understanding you had at the time. Don't beat yourself up! I'm sure your father wouldnn't want you to feel guilty. Guilt helps no one -- please let it go and celebrate and honor your father's whole life and not just the last couple of days!

My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 9-12 months to live. He lived 12 months and 2 days. At the end, he just wanted to sleep and lost interest in everything. He'd talk to my mom and I, but didn't want to watch TV or eat much or read or listen to music. His doctor thought he was depressed and wanted to start him on antidepressants. He took the first one the day he died. So generally I'd say a loss of interest and sleeping were the biggest changes in my dad. Luckily his passing was very quick and he didn't really suffer pain which is such a blessing.

PCameron, best wishes to you and your husband.

My Mom died less then one week of being diagnoised..Hit us like a ton a bricks.. But I will say, she wasn't having any treatments..So maybe that makes a difference? Not sure.. We took her to ER because her hand was numb, she was working, used the computers, played video games etc. So assumed "Carpal Tunnel" She was 58 years old..Nope wasnt what we thought, she had numerous brain tumors, two days later found out it was lung cancer traveling..Never found out what stage the cancer was in, because she died on the 7th day at home with me, when the results came in.. Though I miss her terribly, from what I have read and heard, this is a terrible cancer to go through, so maybe a blessing my Mom went as fast as she did, the last day of her life started with a little head, that is all the pain she ever suffered.. I look back now and I realize all the signs and symptoms I missed and believe me guilt does go along with that, especially since she lived with me..The cancer killed her fast with no suffering, but the pain is still with me..

the pain of losing your Mom is enough. You shouldn't suffer with the feelings of guilt, you had no time to be guilty of anything. I would agree that there was a blessing there for both of you. One week isn't long enough to even realize what you had in front of you before it was over. Though you never want to let go I believe that the suddenness was better than the years of suffering that could have been. The treatment is agony in itself with no guarantee. I'm so sorry for your lose.

Catlady: Please..........guilt is a natural process, but gets us nowhere. Feel good in knowing you cared and loved your Dad. I know your goal was for his well being. Caregivers naturally desire to take action on nutritional needs, etc. You would be a cold individual NOT trying to get his medical needs met. I'm sure he knew how much you loved him. God bless you, CRMC

ryann, You were def blessed in ways some are not. However I know this doesn't erase your loss and pain. God be with you, CRMC

Thank you all for your hugs, blessings and prayers. My husband is such a wonderful man and the only thing I can think of is God put me in his life for a reason. I try hard everyday to make sure I tell him how much I love him and how wonderful he is. He is a God-like man, so he's Faith is awesome. It is what attracted me to him - he has a spirit with him that is deep and wonderful. God has the last answer and I wouldn't want him to suffer, so when the time is right God will take him Home. Right now, I will continue to devote myself whole-heartedly to him. Most times, I feel lonely because he sleeps most of the time now, but, there is no pain anymore. He still get up and move around, so I'm blessed in that aspect. There are alot of support both in family and friends - and now, new friends in all of you, so I thank God on my behalf as well. I thank him for giving me the strength and will to go through this. He has kept me in good health, so I am thankful for that. Again, thank you all for your uplifting comments.

Thank you for your positive comments. I try every day to let go of the guilt of second guessing the care and love given before Dad died, but it's so hard to let go. I guess eventually the pain and guilt will start to subside. I am praying for you all--Handiann, Ryannmcgrath, and PCameron. It is comforting to know I have some place to vent my feelings--I love my mother dearly, but she has her own grief to deal with right now. Thank you all for that.

You mentioned that your husband sleeps a good deal of time. This certainly sounds like the time is drawing near for him to leave his earthly home. It's really hard to see someone you love take a a journey without you, but it also sounds like you have faith to sustain you. Now is the time to draw upon that faith and to ask your friends for support. If you can, lay down next to your husband put your arms around him and remember that this life is temporary but the next one is eternal. Although this seems like the end, it is only a little blip and then the rest of the rest of the story continues...

Your right, this is just but a brief stop over. Snuggling is good for us both. Thanks for encouragement! I need it today!

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe I can help in a small way. I have stage 3B lung cancer and it is a Pancoast tumor. I was told I had about nine months left. That was over a year ago and I am in remission. I went through the Chemo and Radiation. I slept a lot, my Daughter made me eat and set the alarm to give me meds at the right time. She forced me to go to treatments when I just didn't want to get out of bed. Some times I just wanted her to leave me alone but she didn't. For this, I thank God. We sleep because our body is using all its energy to try and repair itself. Not to mention the pain meds we are most times on. I lost interest in things because I was getting used to the fact I was dying. You think a lot. Everyday things of this life lose importance. Family matters and you try to adjust to not being there. We do love and thank our caregivers for what they do. There should be no guilt. We understand. My daughter was my angel. I am 57yrs. old and have been blessed with what ever time I have left with my family. One more thing, there were no symptoms until very shortly before it was found. I walked three miles a day, I swam, cleaned house and did the yard work until Dec. and they found it in Feb. I went in for shoulder pain. Lung cancer is almost a silent killer. It really needs more awareness brought to it. But neither me nor anyone could have guessed I was ill. I hope this answers some questions and brings some peace to some of you. We love you, when ever you just sit in our rooms it gives us comfort. We know we are not alone. When I got scared, she was there just sitting in my room. And yes those hugs and snuggles are important. There are many who don't have that. You give us something very special. Thank you to all Caregivers.

PCameron----MACRH 5 TH--2010

Hi I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE IN MY Prayers and my Thoughts. I lost my only Sister back in 2005 From Lung Cancer and that was really rough on me. I sure do miss her. Once we found out she had Cancer she only made it for 6 Months...I was with her almost every day, I even sat with her thro her Chemo Treatments in the same room and they were 4 Hour Treatments, she would usually nap and I would talk to other ones in there that were having Chemo Treatments,, or I would write my Letters or Read. There were 5 Recliners for Patients having chemo in the room i was in and usually they were all full of People, all were great People, even the Cancer Doctor and his Nurses and Office Help. It was Hard for me to see what my sister had to go thro, I went to all of her Dr. Appoinments. My Sister and I was real close then on Feb 21 st of 2010 one of my Cousins wife died from Cancer, she had it for about one Year and 4 Months, she really fought it..It was real sad. There are so many People that are getting it now, its scary as a person never knows or not if they will get it....PCameron again we are so sorry about your Husband having Cancer, you have not been married very long. We are so sorry. Sincerley Mrs Tony Sammons from winston, Oregon

PCameron----MACRH 5 TH--2010

Hi I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE IN MY Prayers and my Thoughts. I lost my only Sister back in 2005 From Lung Cancer and that was really rough on me. I sure do miss her. Once we found out she had Cancer she only made it for 6 Months...I was with her almost every day, I even sat with her thro her Chemo Treatments in the same room and they were 4 Hour Treatments, she would usually nap and I would talk to other ones in there that were having Chemo Treatments,, or I would write my Letters or Read. There were 5 Recliners for Patients having chemo in the room i was in and usually they were all full of People, all were great People, even the Cancer Doctor and his Nurses and Office Help. It was Hard for me to see what my sister had to go thro, I went to all of her Dr. Appoinments. My Sister and I was real close then on Feb 21 st of 2010 one of my Cousins wife died from Cancer, she had it for about one Year and 4 Months, she really fought it..It was real sad. There are so many People that are getting it now, its scary as a person never knows or not if they will get it....PCameron again we are so sorry about your Husband having Cancer, you have not been married very long. We are so sorry. Sincerley Mrs Tony Sammons from winston, Oregon

I lost my husband 10 years ago this year. We married in July of 1996 and in August of 1996 found out he was in stage 4 of prostate cancer. The doctors gave him three years to live and he died in Oct 1999. He was 47 years old when diagnosed and like the rest reading it was a I don't want to believe it response. The cancer had already gone to the bones, so there was no surgery to remove the prostate as it had already left the gland. He did chemo, and radiation. Some tumors shrunk, but other kept appearing. He got to the point of not being able to walk by July of 1999 and became bed bound. From Aug to Oct he was in and out of consciousness, mostly out of it and ate and drank very little. He was the love of my life, as I had a horribly abussive first marriage and God answered my prayers of giving me a wonderful christian man. Our short life together was amazing and sad and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. On the day he died his last words to me were I love you, I told him I knew that and I loved him also and to just close his eyes and go home, and he did. I to have many guilty feelings, but he is in God's hands and has always been in God's hands. Confess your guilt and leave it in God's hands, because we really have nothing to feel guilty about, we do the best we can out of love and concern. We go through seasons in our journey of life to help others we encounter through there journey. Please pray and if you just leave it in God's hands you will see life differently. God's blessings on all of you suffering, I do not know your names, but be assured I will pray for all of you.

bcj--thank you so much for the prayer you sent me--it was so very moving and truly comforted me. Thank you too for your story--I wish you peace and comfort in the loss of your husband.

Thank you for that wonderful revelation. I, too, am blessed with a wonderful christian man as my first marriage didn't work out. I actually was blessed with that marriage as well, because prior to his death from a massive heart attack in 2007 (shortly after our oldest son's wedding), we had become extremely, extremely close again. He had become saved as well and was living a christian life. Then I prayed alot for God to send me a wonderful, God-like, respective man and he blessed me with the love of my life. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together, even though we didn't. I am trying to enjoy the life that we have while he is still alive. He is definitely special!!!

Thank you to everyone else (tempechance, bcj, Linda Lee and Catlady) in this discussion for all the prayers, support and hugs you have given me. It is wonderful to have someone to talk about this with. I do have alot of support from all our family and my work family and our friends. Everyone has been wonderful.

Hello pcameron - God has a great ministry for you to share your joys and sorrows with others who don't have a clue why, or how to continue on through life journey's after a loss. I pray that you will feel the Holy Spirit upon you through your season of life now and in the future. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Thank you for sharing your personal feelings about this. I've been caring for my mom for almost three years, ovarian cancer and the spread of it. I'm with her so much of the time but just realized after reading your post that the time I am with her is not the quality time she probably needs. I don't sit with her enough, watch tv with her or even talk bout just anything much. If I'm not taking care of the house, yard, shopping, cooking laundry, meds, etc I'm on my computer trying to take my mind off of things not thinking about the loneliness she must be feeling. Thank you for tapping me on the head and making me aware of this. I wish you the best and many blessings to you Bonnie, Venice, Ca

Hi Bonnie,

Don't feel bad about that because sometimes it's a way to take your mind off seeing your mom in pain and agony. I get on the computer and play games, look for houses or just look through the news for the day. It's a way of escape. There are times when I feel like my husband really doesn't appreciate all the things that I'm doing for him. I feel some hurt and pain, as this relationship is fairly new. This wasn't what I expected in being married the second and final time around. I try to make the best of it, but, I find time to cry to friends/family when the need arouses. Getting on the computer is a way of crying out too. I lost my Mom in January, 2002. I still feel the affects of her death. Being an only girl with five brothers, I was extremely close to my Mother. I took care of her, as well, and asked God to take her home because she was suffering from Lung Disease (smoking) and my Dad passed away in February 1999 of the same thing. But, my Mom - what a wonderful, loving woman willing to help everyone at the risk of having nothing. That's me!! It's hard, but, you get stronger with every situation. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs! Stay as strong as you can.

Thank you, bcj, sooo much. I truly appreciate your words. Don't know how I'm going to be when he passes - guess that's the scary part. But, I know God placed my husband in my life for a reason. I've been through alot over the years and maybe God sees how strong I am or I could be. God knows best.

My husband of 39 years was diagnosed with lung cancer August 2009. He is truly a fighter. He completed radiation therapy in early January of this year. In July, we were told by the Oncologist that the cancer had returned 25% worse than before. Now he is home on Hospice care. My two sons and I are caregivers. He is sleeping a lot and not eating much. I have never gone through a situation such as this and really don't know how to handle it. I cry a lot when I am alone and I pray that he will get up but I know he want. Any words of comfort will help me in a time like this.

Mary I wrote you with a hug..God Bless you and your family.

I'm soooo sorry about what you are going through. My husband's lung tumor has shrunk by 20% in one month from the procedure he had. The adrenal gland looks like it got alittle bigger (which was the smaller tumor), however, the doctor feels that it could be fluid in the tumor. They'll take another CT Scan in October and know more than. However, last weekend I noticed his hand was reacting like a person's hand who had had a mini stroke. Went to emergency on Monday and was told that the cancer had metatasized to the brain. He has two small lesions in the brain. So, they are going to do the Gamma-Knife procedure on him soon, which is direct and precise radiation to only those two tumors. He could have had the whole brain procedure, but, there is a chance of memory loss and killing of the good cells. So, we opted for the Gamma-Knife procedure. God has the final answer to all of this and whatever his will is, that's what we have to accept. It's hard and I too cry in private and in public too. But, to show you how God is working, the night while in emergency, we got a call from our real estate agent, as we had been looking for a house, and was told that the one we wanted soooo bad, was ours. God is an awesome God!!! Keep the faith and never forget who the "Master" is. Also, we have a wonderful church-based family and alot of support with family and friends. You need that when going through something like this.

Hi, Reading all of your stories and struggles makes me feel I am not a lone in mine. My mom is 60 and was the picture of health, active, worked, did anything for everything. And last June 2009 she started having intense pain in her right shoulder. Saw dr's, chiropractors, had epidurals put into her back..and finally by november it came to light the hospital missed a baseball size tumor sitting on her right lung, eating into the nerves of her back. On thanksgiving she has her right lobe removed. The cancer had gone to the bone and some lymph involvement. She went thru hell with a brutal chemo and radiation and we came to find out in May it didn't work atall. In fact it spread even more. She is/has been on all types of pain meds (which scares me in itself that she still suffers with all the drugs she is on or is completely doped up and scared and not herself atall).. the cancer spread to her hip whcih they radiated. and now she is on another chemo (taxotere) and painful zometa bone injections. It is a brutal rollercoaster. she has one good day for every 20 days of suffering.. she is back in the hospital as of this friday with another :new: pain on her other side of her body. she is having a bonescan today and a PET tomorrow. Im 28 and my mother is my best friend. this is such a hard journey. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone dealing with a sitaution like this because I kno there are just no words. You live day to day and never kno what the next holds. Which is why every single one is a gift. This sounds sad and hard for me to say.. but after watching my mom fight anf struggle for a year and suffer.. I woudl almost rather her not here then go thru this brutal quality of life :( mandee