'My dad' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:00:12 -0000

Oh, Kelly. Thanks for sharing your story with us. He sounds at peace, and it sounds like you are, too. Bless.

'My dad' posted by kelly @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

kelly — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 15:17:37 -0000

First i just want to thank all of you who posted!!! Your words were very touching and helped so much, thank you!!!! Ok so now is the hard part, Dad continued to Decline in to a coma state but three days before that his sisters from Canada and Flordia came and got to some what talk to him he really wasn't making clear thoughts or words but he new they were there. He tryed till the very end to walk and and move around and even tryed eatting and smokeing to show his sisters he was just fine nothing was going to slow him down. It was really cute but hurt and the same time. Dad was in a coma around may 10th every 2 to 3 hours was given pain meds so he was comfortable the last thing i said to him was i was proud to be his daughter and he was the greatest man i ever new and i love you, my brother came next and my dad said "hey man hows it going" that was the last thing my dad said to anyone. Slowly his systems started shutting down one by one but hispice was so amazed that his heart was still fine till the very end that last day he got all cleaned up and the nurse was just lost because for a week they kept saying any minute now but he kept fighting, they refused to give us any more times cause they really didn't know anymore. I went there after work on may 21st my sister was there ( She moved in right after family started comeing around and wasn't told about it) and my mom. Her mom had just left and her sister was just an hour away, about 4:30ish my mom got in to bed with my dad and was holding him when a few mintues later she jumped up and put her head to his chest and said i can't feel a pulse. and we check and there wasn't any, he had gone his way in my moms arms just how he wanted it. The wake and funeral were over Memorial Day weedend. Everything was very nice the flowers and my dad, i was terrified of going and seeing his body i don't handle death so well and the bodies even more, i always thought that you should remember the living how they were happy and care free. But when my dad went he looked like bones and not the man i new. I'm so glad i looked at the wake because he looked like my dad he looked peaceful and i new the pain was gone and he would never have to suffer again. I don't really know if is really sunk in i still go to my moms and think hes at work and will walk in the door, i have this dream were i go to there house and there he is just sitting there and i'm like wait we just had your funeral and he goes nope this is my good day what should we do, he gives me a hug and the docter comes in and says that you have to do this all over again and watch him again. I wake up crying everytime i think when that dream stops, ill really begin to belivie that he won't walk through that door at any minute. Well i can't stop crying so i guess i'll just thank you all so much!!!!!!!! My love to all of you for helping me!!!

'My dad' posted by Missy @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Missy — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:12:07 -0000

Hi Kelly,

I'm just wondering how your dad is doing. How are things going?

'My dad' posted by cybersunshine @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

cybersunshine — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:30:44 -0000

Hi Kelly,My Daughter is your age and she if very fortunate to have a living Great GrandMother. However GrandMother is in the final stages of life here on earth. I've learned that people handle grief in different ways. It's not that they don't care. each person has to do what's right for them. My Daughter absolutely can't make herself go say goodbye in person. She wants her lasting mental picture to be of her last visit when things were calm & the visit was wonderful. She also freaks out at wakes and has expressed from early childhood that the deceased freak her out. She has nightmares 15 years later after seeing a friend at a wake when she was younger. My Uncle passes out at hospitals at any sign of pain or sickness. I on the other hand, can not bear to leave the hospital. I have to be there til the end trying to make things as comfortable as possible. I am strong during the crisis and stressful situations but break down completely several months after things are over, then everyone looks at me like I've lost my mind because they have at this point come to terms with things. I encourage you to do what feels right to you. You have to live with it for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone discourage you. Have it your way and do what you need to do for yourself. Be strong and know that the pain dulls in time and is not a constant ache and memories become vague over time so write things down that you want to remember.My GrandParents told me things that i've forgotten over the years and i wish i'd written important things down. Certain things will bring it back at unexpected moments even years later-a smell, a song etc. but it gets easier as time passes. As far as everyone else, they may be immature, don't know what to do or say, or maybe they really don't care but don't let that affect you. Just turn a blind eye and one day maybe they will explain or maybe they won't but they have to live with their decissions just as you will. It's better to let everyone grieve in his or her own way because you can never really know what is going on with other people. You and your family will be in my prayers. I hope this helps. I have never responded to any sort of thing on the internet but your post touched me. be Strong and true to yourself.

'My dad' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:37:07 -0000

Hi Kelly,

Well Im like your mom....I lost my husband a couple of years ago too. I have 3 daughters 2 of them live 2000 miles away...they didn't see the decline on a daily basis like we did living with it. Your siblings are living a DENIAL. It is a coping trigger we all have. It isn't that they don't care or don't love your dad, they just will not accept that he is leaving this world & going to a peaceful place soon. I do suggest you contact your local Hospice & ask for couseling for yourself & family that is open to it...it really really helps. They are incredible in these situations. I can't tell you often enough to be sure to take care of YOU first...cause you are no good to anyone if you aren't at your stongest right now. I questioned GOD many times...WHY...WHY NOW. He gives us life & he takes it on his terms...just know where your dad is going there is no pain or suffering anymore...be happy for him. I know it hurts & you don't know how you will get throught today let alone tomorrow but you do it one day, one hour even one minute at a time...but you will get through it. There is no time for anger at your family members...only love for your dad & of course your mom...be her "rock". Find your Hospice agency today! They are there to help!!! Sending you love & hugs...

'My dad' posted by RobinD @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RobinD — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:20:33 -0000

Kelly: I want to pass on something to you, and hope it will help you now and in the future. You need to just do what is needed for your family and yourself. Other's actions aren't as important, as you don't have to live with what they do, but only what you do. Take care of what you can, as your family is alive now. The last thing you want to have is regret from not doing what is right.

It's going to hit you later, and I can't tell you how to cope with it as I'm struggling myself. But the moments you have now are priceless. You are entirely too young to have to go through this, and your heart is a good one. Love unconditionally, as they did for you. Show it now.

The relationship between your siblings and your father is not your deal; what you and your father have is. You're responsible only for yourself. Walk this time with pride and love; sometimes it's the only thing that will get you through. Good luck.

'My dad' posted by truimage @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

truimage — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:42:54 -0000

Hi Kelly, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know what its like to see your dad decline when he's always been the strength of your family. I'm only 22 so I know how hard it is to have kind of a role reversal. As for your brother and sister, they probably do care but don't know how to handle it. Everybody grieves in different ways and they may just be withdrawing to avoid dealing with their pain. I don't know if your family is very expressive, but it might be good to just have a real sit-down and get everything out on the table. You guys might find strenght in knowing that you're all struggling with this situation in your own ways, but ur together and you have each other. I know its hard to deal with and if your sister and brother can't work it out, I would try to focus your energy on taking advantage of the time you have with your dad. I wish I had more to offer you in terms of advice.

veronica

'My dad' posted by kelly @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

kelly — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:03:44 -0000

Hi my name is kelly and i'm 21 my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last july and with in the last three weeks has really declined. All he does is sleep and really doesn't eat anymore. My dad is my moms everything he was her knight in shine armor. I feel like the whole world is endding i can't even being to know how she feels and to top it off my younger brother and sister don't even care. Then both know whats going on and neither one comes and sees him at all, im so angry and sad because this breaks my dads heart. Please someone tell me how to deal with everything.

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