This past weekend, my father has been gone for eight years. My youngest daughter has no memory, my son only the faintest. My eldest says she really only has two good memories of him. He died too young. They were 5, 3, and 18 mos.
When February 6 rolls around every year, I am never sure what to do. Should I call my grandmother, his mother? His wife, my stepmother? Should I go to the mausoleum, leave the silk flowers they allow? Or should I keep my own counsel?
Typically, I kind of sit around the house and mope. I'll talk about him often to my kids. I'll listen to the radio and wonder if I'll hear that song, that I identify as his presence. (I heard it the following morning, by the way.)
When the anniversary of your loved one comes around, what do you find yourself doing to mark that day?
I lost my father in 1996, when my children were in junior high. Although they miss him deeply, they don't feel the anniversary date as much as I do. Frankly, I have come to hate February 4th, and will never look at that date the same again. Since I am the one feeling it, I figure the one to nurture that day is myself.
I find myself remembering many things about him and many times spent with him. I get really depressed then, since he's gone now. The only way I've found to get through it is to honor his memory by listing what I loved about him, what did I learn from him, what character traits he had, which ones I have because of his guidance, and what do I want to carry on as his legacy. To carry on a legacy is to carry on something about him to my children (now mid-twenties) and reminds me that while his body is gone, his life still has an impact. My mother doesn't want to discuss that day - either keeping it personal or has resolved things. I haven't resolved it. But one thing my children do enjoy is stories about him from my childhood.
I hope this helps.
I do nothing to remember loved ones on the date of their death. Instead I have taken all the photos I have of each individual, mother, father, brother, grandparents and parents of friends...and I make a computer slide show of the person's life with captions below and appropriate music. It has been wonderful for me and for my grown children and their children. It brings the person's life and our family history something to enjoy through the years. Almost all computer photo programs now allow you to make such slide shows with ease. They can be put on DVD's and given to all family members...shown at graduations and weddings and anniversaries when they are made of people who have not died as well. They are wonderful "this is your life" surprise gifts for family members!
Pray to God to give you the strength to continue living. we should be grateful to Him as we are still alive and able to continue to what we are supposed to do. Focus on today. Pray that God will keep his soul in peace. Amen.
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