How do we know when the end is near

Hi Rebecca,

I'm so sorry about your friend's loss, and what a great thing that you were able to say goodbye to her mom, too.

Generally we know the end is near because of the general physical decline that leads to death.  Often there is a period of hours, most often days, where people drift out of consciousness.  Once the lungs begin to fill up they are usually gone in 48 hours or less.  That's all a huge generalization and there certainly are exceptions of every description to that generalization.  I personally have attended cases as a nurse where the physical decline was much less pronounced and the patient remained alert and more or less responsive until the hour of death, but that isn't typical.  I've had a handful of alert patients over the years who have told me they were dying even when I couldn't find a measurable decline in their condition ... and then they've died rather suddenly ... leading me to think these were people who were very in tune with their own bodies.  I now listen very carefully when a patient makes such an announcement, but those are extremely rare cases.  Mostly people go out slowly over a period of time.  My father became weaker and weaker over a period of several months (at the end of a six year illness) and was unresponsive for about eight days at the end.  His lungs began to fill up about five or six days into it and he was gone in about 40 hours.  Hospice provided a good supply of drugs in various forms and I'm satisfied that he was as comfortable as we know how to make somebody in that condition all the way up to the end.

I think each person is different.  You witnessed the physical signs, however sometimes there is more.  My mother would be having discussions with someone that we could not see.  I truly believe the lines between this world and the next "thin" for them and they can converse with the other side.  She had Alzheimer's, which would lend to the belief that they cannot communicate well due to the diminished brain processes.  But the conversations were very animated.  In discussing this with the Hospice Nurse, she advised that this was very common.  This started approximately 3-4 months prior to her death.

I think after witnessing numerous deaths, that the person knows that death is near, and they either become comatose or linger between reality and another dimension.  The physical is easy to pick up, as it is the body that is giving way to the eventual death.

Either way, it is very difficult.  But having hospice there is a huge relief to everyone.  Clinically speaking, after witnessing it, you recognize it right away. 

By the way, what a thoughtful thing for you to say, and perhaps the only right thing to say as well.

Robin, interesting on the "thinning" of the barrier. I rather enjoy that thought; thank you for sharing it!

Thank you; even though it was a bit frightening, as I work as a intuitive and have seem some amazing things, it was also comforting as well.  My mother was not afraid at all, and seemed very at ease with whoever she was conversing with, and sometimes seemed alittle miffed at the interruption when we walked into the room.  This was also the only time she wasn't agitated.  It seemed whoever she was speaking with was understanding her, as she had lost the ability to speak well at this time.  She knew what she was saying, but all we heard was "jabber speach", much like a young child would do when they're learning to speak.  I often still wonder and wish the barrier between the worlds would thin for me so that I could talk to her like we use to.  Thanks again for all your comforting words LaureL; you are truly gifted in compassion, and I love to see what you write.  Take care.

Its so interesting about the talking to other people that we don't see.  Another friend's dad just passed away over the holidays.  He would carry on lively conversations and see all sorts of people.  When he'd ask his daughter (my friend) if she saw them too, he was sort of surprised.  Later she heard him talking to someone saying something like ...  I though losing my mind would be different then this... that I would see my cereal swirling around in crazy colors or something....   

Yes, it is strange, but leads to the belief still that the wall thins between this one and the next.  I'm sure on some level they think they're losing their mind.  My mother's face always had a look of confusion, and frustration being pulled out of a conversation with someone who could understand her.  I'm sorry about your friend.  Death and losing someone is so difficult.  People who say that time heals all wounds don't know what they're talking about and have never lost someone that they held so close.  Time only gives you space so that you learn to live with the pain; to come to terms with it and live with it every day.  It's somewhat like a scab that changes to a scar, that only deepens with time.  Sad but true.