end of life copd

Welcome, Jennylynn. I'm sorry it's for such a difficult reason!

It's so hard to say how long. My grandfather had COPD for a long time, but ultimately succumbed to blood poisoning, essentially.

Sometimes, they are hanging on because they feel they should. You might consider, if you haven't yet, telling her it's OK to go, you'll all be fine, you don't want to see her hurting and if she's holding on for you, not to worry - it's ok to go.

(((hugs)))

Jennylynn,

Just lost my mom October 9th, 2009 and miss her dearly. It is so hard for doctors to determine when the time is up and it also mostly depends on how much the patient is willing to do for treatment. My mom was diagnosed in 1991 with emphasema when she first got rushed into the hospital with sky high C02 levels, but she wasn't put on oxygen 24/7 until about 7 years ago. She followed all the instructions and lived a fairly active lifestyle of shopping, housecleaning, making dinner for dad, walking on beach until she slowed little by little last 5 years. She got rushed in about once a year due to C02 levels way too high. We called it a "tune up". Last year she got rushed in and ventilated for the first time in which we almost lost her. In addition to her oxy, she began using a bi pap face mask every night. this was to give her more oxy therapy needed. she was compliant and ok with this lifestyle. I kinda knew we had limited time and every year would be a blessing. I'm very happy we celebrated their 50th with a huge surprise party in May. Because in August, just months later this year she got rushed in, ventilated again and sent home. She was ok for a week and a half and rushed in again. Mom's doctor began to prepare us. he explained that mom may be in and out like a revolving door and he could not determine how much she can go on like that. He said she may go home for few weeks, months, but not to expect too long. He could not be certain but by looking at the signs. He was very right on though. She went to a rehab for one month and was told she wil need the bi pap for an additional 2-3 hours a day. She was a little upset but willing. She grew weak. Walking became difficult. she got home and the next morning rushed right back in due to oxy levels too high. She was ventilated again. This all occured between August 2 and October 9th when mom passed. Mom seemed to respond to the ventilator and it was removed, however after a day off they realized she needed the bi pap (non invasive mask) 24/7. Mom chose to not live like that. What really wasn't fair was that the same week they found mom's meds may have been the cause to a perferated bowel which would mean surgery. Mom chose not to. Mom's dr. explained to her she would state she no longer wanted to wear the bi pap (she kept her oxy) and she was made comfy with morphine and go to sleep until she passed. We told her we understand and she smiled all while telling us it is ok, she cannot keep doing this. We had time to have family come and be with her. She told us all her desires and we would all take care of each other and dad. She did this while talking through a face mask and writing on a board. I think being on the ventilator is a sign and weakness to muscles, however the prior year she made it home. I don't think anyone can tell you when the time is, but my advice is to cherrish every moment. It can creep right up and speed up quickly. Mom's last writing was "Love to all". Still as sad as I was on October 9th.

Missyoumom, I just read your post and it brought tears to my eyes. I just lost my dear mama on 09/12/10. She was in the hospital for 7 weeks. She was intubated a week after being in the hospital due to high co2 levels. She was extubated and on bipap for 2 weeks but needed to be intubated again. 3 weeks of intubation and was very difficult to wean her. I stayed with her almost everyday holding her hand and telling her how much i love her.....hope she knew, as half the time she was out of it. In the end she developed septic shock. 2 months have passed and i still think of her every minute of the day, it is so difficult to lose a mom as you know. Thank you for the post! Christine

Christine,

Tears for you too! It will be a rough road ahead (still is for me as I think of my mom daily with every little thing I do, it is like it is still so fresh and only been weeks). I cried every day until this past summer where it is reduced to a couple times a week. It is so hard. One change for me very recently is finally I have made some routine come back to my life again (a year later). I for the first time went to sleep because I wanted to and not because I sat up on the couch until I just fell asleep. Be very patient with yourself as it will take time to feel even a little bit "ok". You will make it fine-keep in mind that she would have wanted you to be ok and carry on. We finished our kitchen remodel and how I wish she could see it! makes me cry. I put her pic on the fridge so I can see her smiling face every day when I walk by. I just went through all the paperwork from dealings last October and November that I ignored all this time. Keep strong for her and be patient with you, and keep those little tissue packets in your car, in your purse as you will need them for quite some time and that's ok. I cry a tear for you too. I think this site has helped me as I read and wrote in it several times. It is good for us to share. Missyoumom

Thank you! I did the same thing, put mom's pick up on the fridge. I am so happy to have found this forum, i was looking into finding a bereavement group specific to those who lost a mom to COPD. It also angers me that my mom smoked because i know she would be here with us if she didnt but i cant fault her, she was addicted. My daughter who is 6 looks at her picture all the time but my son who is 1 wont remember. I do know that she is in a better place. She suffered so bad, would walk to the bathroom and back and she would be so out of breath. She also had SC lung ca. in 2008 which they caught in time and treated with chemo and rad. It was after the treatment when she really went downhill, basically confined to the bed. She always said to me, what kind of life is this.....i still wish she were here, but that is me being selfish wanting my mom even if she was breathless, etc.........I thank you again for listening.......Christine

Adela72 (Christine) Just a note that my thoughts are with you as I know your pain. Getting through this is slow and please be patient with yourself. I still cry often and anything can trigger it and at any time. I can at least go through the grocery store without crying now. (mom enjoyed shopping each week so it was her social place) It's a year and 2 months since mom died. There were times when I thought I could never be happy about anything and I was very worried about myself, but I am doing better. Just know the pain is normal and it will last quite some time (who knows if I will eventually feel even better). I just keep working on it. I do finally have a normal living routine back. Sending you a hug as you go through this hard time. I can only think we all go through this, but you never knew how hard it was for someone else, until you go through it. Keep strong as your mom would want you to. Missyoumom