Hi Katie, I feel so sorry for you. I too just my mom this week that's why I joined this group. I too know that no on lasts forever but when it's your family and loved ones it is soooo very hard to except. I went out the other day for the first time - I looked like a truck hit me and I didn't care - you look around at things in a different way - and you cry all the time - but everyone tells me that it is  natural and that terrible feeling will pass... that terrible feeling will never pass... I will always miss her - but I did speak to her 15 mins before she passed - I don't know why I called her and insisted to speak to her - I am very lucky that we loved eachother and I did get to speak to her before she was gone . You need to be around him - tell him how you feel NOW before it is to late - before its over and you think of all the times you did have and didn't tell him... hugs, kisses and tell him.... he'll feel sad too but good that he did something good in his life and knowing that you are a good person that he brought up ... do it now ... because you never know that tomorrow you can't... Babs

Hi Katie,

I'm so sorry about your dad's diagnosis.   

We went through something similar with my father-in-law.  He had terminal lung cancer.  And while it was so hard to go through, I'm so appreciative we had the time to say the things we wanted to say to him. As you mentioned, it was sometimes hard for me to put the words together to actually say, so I ended up writing a letter to him, which my mother-in-law read to him a day or two before he died. 

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with this.  Let your heart lead you.  If that means talking to him and crying, that's okay.  Heck, if I was dying and nobody cried about it in front of me, I'd probably be mad!  LOL  So it's okay to show emotion. 

I lost my dad three weeks ago tomorrow.  His passing was sudden and devastating and I miss him more than I could ever convey in words.  But even this soon, I know life goes on and I'll be okay.  Things will never be the same and it's still painful, but days keep ticking away and there are less tears. 

*hugs* to you.  We're here for you.  Please keep us updated and let us know how you and your family are doing.

Babs, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'll be thinking about you.

Within the 15 months, one of my best friends lost both of her parents, her ex-husband, two of his brothers, a former boyfriend and two of her lifelong friends including my husband and brother-in-law. In addition to struggling with my own grief over the passing of my husband and his sister's husband, I have been trying to console and counsel my friend through her grief. We've cried together so many times over the past year, mostly at her initiation. I think that I am coping with our losses better than she is even though my wounds are fresher. How can I help my friend get beyond and better handle her grief? She cries so much these days and I feel deep sorrow for her. What should I say or do to help her heal and move on? Do you think that grief counseling would help her? I have started to reinvent myself and do some things that I delayed earlier in life such as traveling, exercising and going back to school.

Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I agree with the person that said it is ok to cry in front of him because the most important thing is that you are with him during this time. This part of our lives seems to be the worst and you never "get over it" but somehow we get through it. My dad died of cancer 34 years ago and I think of all the time I spent with him in those last days and I wouldn't take anything for them. I never will get over it or move on because my dad was one of the people that helped in shaping who I am and my values. He will always be a part of me. I have never gotten over it but on any given day, something will happen that makes me think of him. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family that you will feel the love and strength of all of us who are praying for you and your family. Blessings

Oh, Katie!!! I can feel your pain from here. I wish I could give you a hug and lend you a shoulder to cry on. I lost my mother-in-law a little over a month ago. She passed from complications of Alzheimer's. I had her move in with my husband and I back in February and I ended up being the sole/primary care giver to her. I loved her so much. It was hard watching her, those last months, slowly losing different abilities. I knew death was an impending issue with her, yet, I continued to take care of her. We had talked about her death and what should happen (as far as her possessions went). She also talked about being ready to go. She wanted to rejoin her husband, parents and all those she had lost throughout her life. She was ready to be with God whenever he chose to take her, she told me. I helped her prepare for death as much as I could. Yet, as it turned out, I hadn't prepared myself. Even in those last couple of weeks when I was being told by the hospice nurse that she was truly going, I just couldn't grasp it. Sure, I told her all the right things. I called her family in and they all said their good-byes. I had her pastor come in. She was never alone those last two weeks. She passed peacefully, here in my house, with loved ones around her. Logically, I knew she was passing, yet, emotionally, I wasn't ready. I don't think anyone can truly be ready. Yes, I know she's in a much better place and she's not hurting anymore. Yet, there's a part of me that still wants her with us. I think this is just human nature. We are selfish in that we don't want to let them go, even when they are suffering so much. Your father is suffering, Katie. I don't need to tell you that. I think you telling him how good of a father - a man, he has been will not upset him. You need to tell him how much you love him and how you will miss him. He may have things that he wants to say to you, also. It will be hard, on both of you. Don't be afraid to show him your sorrow. He knows that he is passing and that all of you are going to mourn your loss. So, telling him will only let him know how much you care for him. Losing your father will be so difficult on you. Make sure you have told him all the things you need to while you still can, Katie. It will bring you some comfort later and probably comfort him, as well. I am so sorry for the pain you are going through now and what you will go through afterward, Katie. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you will find the strength and courage to get through the days ahead.

hi katei my name is anne i am 55.i have been looking after my husband terry for 16 months now.my situation is very diffurent to yours.i just had to tell you i will add your dad and your family to my prayer list.terry had a massive brain hemorrhage 6 jan 2008.which has left him severley disabled down his right side.he has got know speech and he is fed with a tube through his stomach.i am realy sorry that you and your family are suffering but remember he is still there and he can here you.so tell how much you love him and how proude you are to be his daughter.i hope this helps you godbless love anne xx

Hi Katie, My husband died from bladder cancer after a yearlong fight. Upon learning of his condition our daughter wrote the most beautiful letter to her dad. He read it and loved it so much that as the illness progressed along he would refer to that letter and never hesitated in showing it to family members. He told my daughter to be sure to read it to everyone once God called him home. Which she did at his homegoing services. This letter not only gave him strength but her also. Yes days are hard for her today as she is only 26 and was a daddy's girl. She has this to help her through and you are truly blessed to have your daddy this long. My husband died at 63yrs old we lost him July 25th 2009. We hoped for more time. Enjoy what you have left and find comfort in the time and memories you have. God Bless

Hi Katie- I truly empathize with your feelings about your father and his declining condition. My father passed away on my sister's birthday several years ago. About two weeks before he died, he had made the decision that he no longer wanted blood transfusions to sustain him and we, as a family were ok with that as he had lived to be 86 and he was tired. The day he made his decision, I went to see him at the nursing home he was at and the first words from his mouth after I said "hi" were "I'm going to die." I looked at him and told him. "I know Dad, and it's ok." He got a very troubled look on his face and I asked him what was wrong. He tried to tell me nothing was, but I was persistant. He finally told me that he was concerned because he had always lived by the laws of the catholic church... I knew exactly where he was going with this. He had it in his mind that the Doctor was going to help him out of this world. I assured him that while the doctor would make sure he was comfortable and not in pain, that if he was going to die it would be under his own power and that nobody was going to do it for him. He immediately relaxed and was relieved. We then chose to discuss his funeral. He and my mother had pre-paid and planned for most of their desires like caskets and headstones, but we had never really discussed what they wanted. My words to him were, "This is your last big party Dad, what do you want it to be?" We then discussed the flowers he liked and what he wanted.
We made arrangements through Hospice to take him home to die and I firmly believe that he chose to die in the nursing home as he passed away just after the ambulance pulled up to take him home. I truly believe he did not want my mother to have to live in the house and be reminded every day that he died there. When we were trying to decide what clothes to bury him in, as he and I did not talk about that, we went through several of his good clothes and finally decided that the outfit he loved to wear best was his tux. The whold family agreed and this was truly his last big celebration of his life. When my mother passed away a few years later, we buried her in her evening gown that she wore when they went out. We truly feel they are dancing together in heaven. I don't know if this helps you, but I hope and pray your father knows how much you love him and that you are able to continue to communicate that to him.