My father I believe was cremated with his wedding ring, and we were told that anything else we might want to include, could be.

In the end we included a picture of his truck with my sister and I standing outside in on this crazy trip we had taken as a "short cut" and we got utterly lost. It's a family memory. There were other photographs as well.

I think that whatever works best for the family is the way to go. Now, if someone had wanted the ring and everyone else wanted it to go with mom, then there would have been some difficulties. :(

Wow Laura, so we have a theme with the wedding ring. I remember how good I felt about this decision with my mom. I like your photo story; this feels really personal, with humor. Very touching.

I wonder what other burial rituals us modern day folks have?

It was really persona; it seemed rather like the Egyptians, leaving the objects in the tombs to help the soul on the way. So he could take us with him, as it were, or that we were sending pieces of ourselves along, too. It really was a comfort.

Yes, with my mom us kids chose some special pieces of her jewelry to throw in the casket, as it were. (Since she was cremated there wasn't a casket, but it felt this way). These weren't pieces of us, but making this decision felt personal -- there was a connection. I love the photo idea.

When my mom died last year we did a kinda neat thing...  She wanted to be cremated with a simple card board box.  She was very much into as simple as possible.  But we upgraded to a pine box.  :>)   Then at the service we  got a bunch of colored markers and invited everyone to come up and write wishes and send offs or whatever else they wanted on the box.  Prayers, flowers, whatever. 

My step-dad wanted to keep the ring and did. 

Then we played some sad music and then all processed out to the cremation room.  They opened the door and slide her box in while we played St. James Infirmary Blues...  kind of the New Orleans tradition of sad music going to the funeral because they are gone and we miss them, but then happy music coming back because they are in a better place now.

I'd never been to a service where you actually went to the cremation room, and it felt a bit shocking to me.  But then I really appreciated it because somehow it made it more real that she was really gone.

I continue to find these tales fascinating....  Your story about writing messages on your mom's casket was so cool, Rebecca, I told it to my kids last night.  They were a little grossed out, but I hope I planted a creative seed. Wouldn't mind this kind of send-off myself.

Makes me wonder if any religions out there have taboos about these kinds of things. Does anyone know?

Rebecca, that is a very cool way to handle things. What a wonderful way to send messages right along! I think that even in death, folks deserve a bit of creativity, and this really fit that bill.

I'm still shaking my head in wonder. What a really, really  neat idea.

Yeah LauraL, it felt really good and people really got into it. 

You know, you go into the funeral home - which is morbid to start wtih, and then they show you all these things that you should buy to do your parent justice and honor and there is this subtile pressure to do more (man I need a spell checker in here.... :>))  and it was so nice to already have mom's wishes nailed down. 

Because of scheduling, we ended up doing 2 memorials, and a lot of people at the second one wanted to send messages and notes off too... so we got huge pieces of poster paper and let people wander off with them to write on.  Then we burned up the whole thing and added it to the cremation ashes.   IT was very powerful and moving for everyone. 

Wow, again, blown away!

What I really liked about this idea, and the one for the second memorial, was that the feelings and thoughts of those in mourning were really considered as well. They had a chance to say and do something positive and uplifting in  a time of crisis and sadness. Such beauty in the written word.

Well done. :)

Hey you made a really really important point...   about taking the feelings and thought of everyone into account. 

It became instantly clear to me when mom was ill, that it was me jumping on the plane, and when she was gone, it was me calling everyone, and when it was time to organize and plan, it was me again.   (I don't mean this like a burden, but it was like I was now replacement for mom somehow. )  Organizing food, and schedules, and cooking and everything...    It wasn't really my time for digesting and mourning.  (I've been the 9 months sense doing that part.)  I mean maybe its just me, but I had to create a space for everyone else.

Its like weddings,  in truth, they are not for the couple getting married but for their parents...       (now I really have to get back to work.... but such an interesting and consuming conversation.)

The time of the stiff funerals and the cold process of saying goodbye to a loved one are almost long gone.  And it's a good thing (I think).  I love what Rebecca's family did, and what a wonderful family you must have to show such freedom.  Most families stumble through the process, and if there is no conversation, will or trust, they are truly lost.

Since cremation is now more common place, it seems only natural to take it with them, as it meant to much to them.

I was very close to my mother, and was her caregiver for years, so I asked for her wedding rings, which my father was very relieved that I did.  I still feel like I have a part of her, and they are one of my most prized possessions, as they signify my parent's love for each other.  Since I witnessed their lives and deaths, it just seemed fitting that I have them to remember them both by.

Great question.

Robin, what a wonderful treasure you have kept. Bless.

Interesting theme, and very sensitive.   My Mother will be buried next to my father in the same plot, with her first born child and her first grandchild.  The rest of the interred in that plot are Daddy's family.   This is what she expects.  She is 94 now, widowed almost 7 years.  She and Daddy picked it all out, coffin, et al, many years ago.   Her engagement ring is a lovely arrangement of chips, not valuable, one of those treasures of the depression. 

I have not asked her (and not sure I will or can) what her wishes are about her rings.  They would have to be cut off after death since no way will I allow her poor bent arthritic fingers to be cut.  I know my brother would allow me to have them stay on her fingers if I insist. 

I am interested in the responses here.  Thanks for the thought provoking topic.

I would ask her, as it's always good to get in in writing or atleast in your head so her wishes are honored.  It is a tough subject to bring up, but again, it's a good idea, so you can both rest easy.  There's nothing worse than living with questions and concerns over what has already been done.  Good luck.

My father-in-law was buried with notes from his grandchildren tucked under his hands.  I slipped a piece of his favorite cake into his jacket pocket, with a napkin -- just in case.

That is awesome. :) What a fantastic way to acknowledge his personality and how he was loved. :)

When my brother was buried, I tucked a small flashlight in his pocket.  Probably not for the reasons that first come to mind.  No he wasn't afraid of the dark, nor did I think he would need light to find his way.   He spent a number of years home bound and was an avid weather watcher.  He would call each of us with a storm alert if anything was headed our way and remind us to check our batteries.  It was a gesture of thanks for all he had done for us.  And a reminder to myself to check my batteries.  I will never be caught with dead batteries in a storm.   Thanks Bro.