No, I won't, can't afford what they charge. He is on medicade but can't get any respite for some reason.

I highly doubt I will get any vacation. I'll be lucky to get a day of rest this summer to just kick back & do nothing.  I'm afraid I will be using all my vacation time to take my mother to her doctor & occupational therapy appointments and to sell & clean out her house.  I'm seriously depressed since I haven't had a relaxed day since a family trip we took to New Jersey last summer.   Totally burnt out and mom is coming to stay with us next week for an indefinite period.  She doesn't even want to discuss senior apartments and cannot afford assisted living.  I'm hoping that I can visit a couple college campuses with my daughter this summer, but it won't be easy & i'll worry the entire time.  I'm sad because my youngest will be entering her senior year in high school and for the last 3 years, i've been preoccupied with caring for my parents.   Is there a God?

I live in nc. how could anyone help me here?

No.  In fact, now my parents are under my care, in addition to my husband.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll survive this.

you will survive! Any trial will make you stronger. Believe me I went thru one for 11 years with my disabled son. It is a lot better now and I am so so much stronger because of this. I never regret it now, the pain is over and on our way to health. God is good, his timetable is different from ours, don't ask why, but what, what are you gonna do with this God. he always has a plan for our good. Trials are simply a growing process if we can look at them as such. When we are in the middle of it tho, we just cannot, all my faith was gone, i was a walking disaster. Now I have finally accepted my deal, that was dealt to me. God jumped in and took over. It happens if we just let go for a while. Believe me the stuff i have lived thru cannot even be described in words. Hang tough, chin up. love to you

 Yes, I will be able to go on vacation this summer.  My young children deserves this just as much as I do.  Caring for my parents has been such an adjustment for me and the kids I felt I had to keep some normalcy.  We go to the beach every summer and this summer shouldn't be any different for us.  Of course I had to let my sibling know of this about five months ago, so it wouldn't be any excuses or surprises at the last minute.  I will let you all know how it goes as the day gets nearer.  I do feel kind of feel anxious because of things that happened or didn't happen when they stayed with sibling before, but I have to remind myself that I need this vacation badly and so do my kids.

My mom is still very very independent. We are all going to visit my paternal grandmother, including my mom, for the 4th weekend.

I sympathize with you for I am an only child caring for my eighty-one year old Mother fighting cervical cancer although I have a stepfather he doesn't help out 50% he drowns most of the time in a glass of water can't even call a doctor's office to make or confirm an appointment or to call social services to get a health aide. I havent taken a vacation for the past fifteen years I was a single Mother working trying to raise my two son's I couldn't afford going away. Luckily they are now adults and I don't have to worry about them. There are times I feel very overwhelmed, burnout, tired and angry. I myself I am disable due to a heart condition and I have to go to different doctor's plus take my Mother to her visits since she also has moderate Alzheimer decease she forgets the time she took her medicines even though I've told her to write it down in a notebook with the date and time as soon as she takes them she sometimes forgets Is a tough situation...I am grateful in the Faith I have in God and in Him I find Strenght to continue helping my Mother climb Mt Everest.

Try to take at least an hour for yourself ,take a walk, meet a friend for coffee once a week, go to church if you have a religious believe...it helps alot to get out of the house...find the time for yourself. God won't give you more than you can handle.

Good Luck & God Bless

Call your town's or county Social Services department they will be able to help you.

Good Luck & God Bless

I will not be able to vacation without my mother or without incurring expensive day care. I specifically asked my only sibling -  sister if she could have my mother stay with she and her husband this summer for a few weeks so that I could get a break, but they have outright refused.I have to take my mother with me if I need to get away - so what is the point.

I am very new at this (since November 26, 2009), and it has hijacked my life. My mother is very hostile, angry and difficult to be around. She blames me for all of her problems - she also has a substance abuse issues and is angry because I do not let her drink in my home. She calls me names, tells me to shut up, and says degrading and hurtful things to me and anyone else taht will listen to her rant about me. She gets up several times throughout the night and wakes me up. I have talked to her several times about this but she does seems to neither want to, be able to nor care to change her behavior.

I am exhausted all of the time - I work full time and when I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Then, she complains to me and everyone she has contact with that I am always tired and I don't do anything with her. Basically, all she does is complain. Her dementia is substantial and is possibly in early stages alzheimers, per her last neuropsych report.

I am so at a loss  as to what to do. I know for sure that I cannot keep living like this and there is no help in sight. I have meals on wheels delivered, and my mother's income is fixed, so she can only afford private care 10 hours per week.  I am on various waiting list for the local office on again, butr nothing has happened yet. I am ready to just put her in a nursing home or adult foster home so I can get some sanity back in my life. The only advice and assistance my sister gives is that I should see a therapist or go to a support group to deal with it. Gee-newsflash!  I could use her help, not her consending advice.

Your story have a few similarities to what I am going through. I have an eighty-one year old Mother suffering from cervical cancer for the past two years..unfortunately the decease has spread. She's married but my Step father drowns in a glass of water can't make doctor's appointments, can't follow on doctors given advice for my Mother's care. Unfortunately I have no siblings and the hole weight falls on my shoulders. Besides my Mother's terminally ill decease I am on disability for a heart condition so I myself have to go to different doctor's appointments and take care of my health so I can take care of my Mother.

I havent taken a vacation for over seventeen years finishing raising my youngest son, being laid off from my job, getting ill and being disable, my Mother getting cancer has not enable me to to go away to relax, see different scenery and just get away from it all. She also has early stages of Alzheimer's. I can't count on the rest of the family since they are scattered in many parts of the country so I can't count on them is a tough situation.

I also have had problems with my Mother through the years with verbal abuse even before she found out she got cancer and I always ask myself why is she this way with me? the person who's always there for her in good and bad times. I used to get very depressed and angry at her unjustified behavior but I don't anymore. Is not worth it...I know I been and I am a good daughter and God sees everything so my conscience is clear. I too feel overwhelmed, tired, pressured as if my life is at a stand still...I live day by day don't hink or plan anything for tomorrow, next week or a year from now try to live the best way I can and ask God for strength, patience, courage and peace to accept what I cannot change and place everything in His hands.

It's sad you have a sister and doesn't help you taking care of your Mother so you can take time off to relax & go on a vacation...I ve' heard a number of stories like yours is a shame I call this selfishness & lack of consideration but don't worry hang in there God will reward you...be patient, have Faith God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Take care & God Bless

Betty

Betty:

Thank you sooooo much for your kind words and inspiring message - I am in the process of finding my strength and guidance - I have never been very religious, but I am very spiritual. You remind me that I need to seek my strength from non-human sources - I applaud you for the peace you have found - I will keep your words in my heart and remind myself that I am not a"bad daughter" and that I am doing what is best and out of unconditional love.

Peace,

Katy

My husband and I have discussed this very topic together at great length.  We decided together that for the two of us to go away on our yearly trip to Oregon to see his family (we live in Kentucky) would not be in the best interest of my parents. My father is 82 and physically ill and my mother is 63 and both not in good physical or mental condition.  I go to their home daily to care for them.  I have 2 brothers but one is in the Marine Corps stationed currently in Afghanistan so its not likely that he can help.  My other brother could help more as he has Monday-Wednesdays off work but uses the fact that he lives 45 minutes away as an excuse.  He comes in once every other week to do yard work and thinks he is everyones big hero for that.  So you see, everything sort-of falls on me.  They say 'crap' rolls downhill?  Well I must be at the bottom of the hill because I feel liked I'm getting it all.  Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly but I'd love a break to go to Oregon for a week.  I just don't feel like with his past record, I could depend on my brother to come in daily and do what needs to be done.  So, I told my hubby that he could go out west and I would stay here but he said he had no desire to vacation without me, God love his heart.  Maybe next year, or the next year, or the next year, or.........

Yes, there is a God and I know that when I have had all I can take and feel at my wits end, I call out to him and ask him for the strength and courage to keep going and he gives it to me.  If we are his children then he loves nothing more than to comfort and sustain us.  Have you tried talking to him and asking for his help and guidance?  He can be an invaluable source.  Hope this helps in some way.

no vacation for me unless I pack up my mom and take a chance. can't go off and leave her and not

sure if she would be able to make the trip. Have no vacation days left at work. used up all fmla this year taking care of her. need a vacation so bad, would call in on my job if I think she could handle the trip. I am emotionally broke down and no vacation in past 2 years. I love my mother and have no regrets of care giving but like others...wonder if I'm going to live through it. Its taking a toll on my own health. I'm 54 but want to frolic  on the beach like I'm 35 with no worries for even a few days.

I hear and feel your frustration - I am also feeling like my health and wellbeing are compromised - I am 51 yrs old and I have had one very mild heart attack (mild cardio infarction). I have decided that I need to take affirmative steps towards finding a solution - whatever that may be - beginning with myself. Last week I took my mother to another adult day center, and she did not have a positive thing to say about it, but she agreed to try it and will be attending two days a week. I am hoping that with some socialzation and routine, her mood will approve. The costs are low - less than $10.00 per day, which is a Godsend, as she is on a fixed income. I also decided that I need to seek some support for myself, so I am going to try a local caregivers support group, as I cannot afford to let this compromise my health any longer - I want to frolic on the beach too!

I can also understand the frustration, as I am there myself.  51 years old, have been a caregiver for my husband of 4 years - he had a severe stroke 15 months after we got married.  Now am caregiving for my parents.  Luckily, they are in an Independent Living arrangement (apartment, 2 meals/day, cleaning, some laundry done for them, activities all day everyday if they want to join in).  Even though they are in a good arrangement, I am constantly having to go over to take care of one crisis or another (lost cell phone, lost apt. keys, lost safe deposit keys, lost wallet, etc).  Instead of being able to go home to spend time with my husband after my very full fulltime job, I end up having to go over there to take care of some crisis.  My husband doesn't need physical care - the physical aftereffects of his stroke are minimal - his logic is scrambled.  He has impulse control difficulties and impaired judgement.  His voice, his mannerisms and his habits are soooo different from before.

When we try to get away on a trip, he waits until I get ready to get into the car to leave to decide to pack, clean up, and get ready to go.  Even if I call and remind him, give him deadlines, try to help him the night before....  I have threatened to be the only one to go on the trip if I have to do all the preparations.  I may have to do it once to get it through his head.  Very difficult.

Mom and Dad can no longer travel - it is too difficult for them to get settled into a new place, and they fall easily (refuse to use walkers).  We used to go on trips together, but not any longer.

All my leave time is taken up with going to Dr's appointments with Mom, Dad, and Husband.  I get so tired.....