When people just don't understand

*hugs* to you Dolphin!

I know this post is almost three weeks old, but I still wanted to offer you some advice.

I'm thinking this person who gave you the hassle is someone who cares about you.  Perhaps she was just trying to help.  If that's the case, I have a tactic for that.  It's called the "smile and nod".  It's pointless to debate.  You're right.  People who are not in the situation are truly unable to understand.  It's kind of like the old saying, "the best parents are the people without kids."  Right?  LOL  They think they know it all.  I get a personal little giggle when I see one of those folks have some of their advice fail once they do become parents.  That's beside the point, though...

Seriously though, take advice like your friends with a grain of salt.  Maybe listen with an open heart in case something she says makes sense, but give yourself permission to dismiss it entirely if it doesn't. 

Actually, this is the second time this male friend has tried to tell me how to do everything. We are no longer speaking or anything. He's in a different state and never has had the experience of taking care of someone else.

He's also alienated some friends he lived with, he lied to them, bounced his rent checks. Like our mutual friends said, he's just bouncing through life with no real responsibilities, yet wants to tell everyone else how to live.

Thanks Missy....this forum definitely helps for venting :) 

Well there ya have it!    I guess advice is only as good as the person giving it!  I'm glad he's no longer bending your ear.  And I'm glad you found Caring.com!

I'm new to this site, but your post struck a chord. 

I care for my 84-year old mother.  I find that I am resentful of this role that I accepted.  Mother and I never got along and her parents were my primary parents as I grew up.  Now here I am.  Stuck in this situation and I don't know for how much longer, although with mother's congestive heart failure, it can't be too much longer -- can it?

I, too, have been advised to pack up and live my own life -- and since I'm 65, that has its appeal.  Howwever, as an only child, I don't have that option without lots of consequences.  I'll just stick it out and hope for mother to give in to the inevitable sooner rather than later.

Good luck to us all.

(HUGS) to Anonymous. It is a hard task we have.

Hi I haven't been to this site in awhile but I just wanted to give an update of my moms progress- I wrote about how my mom had parkinsens and had a few strokes and how difficult it was to manage - more so my family not my  mom some of you wrote some pretty inspirational things and I didn't feel so all alone - well she got  sick a few weeks ago - we thought it was another stage of illness and what we found out through a simple cat scan done at the e.r. was she now has a massive brain tumor and spinal cord tumor with no chance of recovery - that was thursday - what a shock - I have now brought her home to live out her final days hopefully in peace . god bless every one and may your journey be  filled with some of the best people you ever met  like I have- angie

Angie.....hugs to you. (HUGS) 

Oh Angie!  My heart is breaking for you.  What devastating news!    I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this.  How is your mom doing?  Have you contacted hospice?  Do you have support at home?  Please know we're here for you as you go through this.  I lost my father-in-law to cancer several years ago and had to stand-by and watch because we knew he was terminal for quite awhile.  I also just lost my father three weeks ago tomorrow very suddenly.  We can talk all day about one way to go or the other, but the beauty of knowing these are your mom's final days is that you have the opportunity to say anything that's on your mind.

*hugs* to you.  Please keep us updated.  I'll definitely be thinking about you.

Hi Everyone - just wanted to let you know my mom passed on friday april 3rd early morning -again thankyou for all your support and I know your all there a click of the keyboard away- she waited for me to crash at three in the morning when I awoke at five she was still warm - how devasting it is - some of my family is around - lots of friends - lots of really good people - I miss her so already and just will deal with it moment to moment it is such an unforgivable pain in my heart right now- good shepard hospice was here to help us through her final days what a god send - please remember I send my prayers to all of you as you have been for here for me - I will be in touch - lovingly angie

Hi Angie,

(Hugs) to you.

Angie, I'm so sorry for your loss.  *hugs*  Please know we're here for you as you deal with this new chapter in your life.  My biggest piece of advice to you is to be kind to yourself.  Grief is powerful.  When things get tough, do what is easiest for you, even if that means walking away from whatever for a bit.  I've already had to do that several times. 

I'll be thinking about you and I hope we still see you posting.