We have been through this with both sets of parents.  Dad was hospitalized with a broken hip and, from there, went to a nursing home.  He was able to get medicaid because they had no assets.  Mom was able to live at home with an adult unmarried son, who cared for her by himself  (his choice), except for about two months when she went to a nursing home after being hospitalized (Medicare covered that).  My father-in-law had medicaid as he had no assets.  My mother-in-law had a house and some savings.  When the savings were gone, we sold the house and, when that money was gone, we applied for and got medicaid.  For all of these reasons, I have purchased long term care insurance for me.  We couldn't get it for my husband, as he was already exhibiting Parkinson's symptoms and was uninsurable.  I do not want my children to be burdened with my care.

I think it would be good to check into elderly waiver for your folks.  

Thank you, but the last of our parents died in 2007.  Just curious, what is an elderly waiver?

It is a program that helps elders who have no assets. 

I know that Ohio has what is called the Passport program.  During the initial phone call, you are asked a few questions and it is determined whether to send someone out to meet with you.  I called about this last week for my Mom & Dad and someone is coming out to meet with them next week.  Ohio's program looks at liquid assets and the health of the person in question to determine the care needed and how benefits are applicable.

Another good resource in most communities is the Area Agency on Aging.  I think most states have them and they have regional offices. 

 Try checking out Veteran's benefits (the surviving spouse also qualifies) if applicable. I'm still jumping through hoops for that one... They require a mountain of information and months to a year to process (but it's retroactive.) It applies only if the veteran or spouse is in a nursing home and low income/assets. Call your local Veteran's office for more info. (Doing it online drags it out even more).

My father's stroke>vascular dementia>nursing home>death resulted in the near liquidation of their lifetime assets because he received a pension in addition to SSI benefits.  That pension helped to support mother during her hip break.1>assisted living>hip break.2>and now she lives with me and caregiver expenses are eating me alive.  She will never qualify for Medicaid due to her pension benefits so I am consigned to working poor status. I work so that I can pay someone else to stay in my home and change mother's Depends.

The Veterans Administration could care less about helping seniors.  They barely care about troops just now returning from conflict much less those who returned 20+ years ago.  And if you were gainfully employed after your  serving your country, YOU GET NO BENEFITS.  Just a flag when you die and a pittance to pay for part of your tombstone.

As a child-free only-child married to another only-child, we have no extra money to pay for long-term care (got to buy those Depends for Mom you know).  Frankly after reviewing many policies both before and after issue, I doubt  most LTC policies will adequately pay for our care.  LTC policies do, however, pay sweet up-front commissions to the salesperson for signing you up for the policy.

I now have a Smith & Wesson policy, which is to say that I will kill myself when the money runs out.  At age 50, I know SSI will not be there for me and I have not saved enough in my 401k/IRA to see me out.  I have accepted this harsh reality, but I do not like it.

My Father gets his care at the VA hospital,   we have found them to be wonderful and caring people.  At this point we have not tried to get Mother any benefits but I know they are available.  I had a dear friend who had Alzheimer's disease,  his wife was paid to care for him.  I am sure that the VA in other locations is different,  but in our area we have been very pleased.  

My husband has now become an invalid and I cannot pay for a nursing home for more than 1 year at most.  My children want to chip in but they have their own expenses to take care of.  is there a lawyer who can guide me insofar as getting medicaid.

I would encourage you to check with the Dept of Human Services  in your area.  Also your local Area Agency on Aging will have information on Legal aide services.  take care  

How does an elderly waiver help?

The VA Benefits in Northern California where I live are wonderful.

There is a benefits counselor to help you with the process.

I applied for my Mom who is a surviving spouse in an assisted living facility and we are almost done with final approval...one month later. Yes, I know that it takes some time to finally see the benefit , but in the meantime, there is a wonderful organization called Elderlife Financial who will bridge a loan.

Check them out. They were a godsend to our family to help with Mom's financial need.

It helps with expenses it is a form of Medicaid for elders.  I am not sure if it is nationwide but we have it in Iowa. 

Look in the yellow pages in the phone book under Elder Care

If your mom needs Hospice they will provide all medications pertinent to her illness as well as her Depends.  They come in for 2 hours each day which would relieve a care giver for that time span.

I, too, am having a terrible time with this as my mom does not qualify to be in a nursing home due to the requirement that the person cannot be able to walk more than 20 feet. Plus we are California and the state's so broke that there isn't any funds to help us. I don't want to sound like I expect the government to pay our way, it's just that my dad didn't get life insurance or plan ahead and all we have is her social security check. She is in a board and care home and we are having to use her credit card to pay for it. That cannot be done for more than a few months. So she'll probably end up living with me and we know how that scenario works out.

My Grandmother lived with us when she was ill.  It was a good experience for all of us.  My two sons were 6 and 3 at the time.  I think they learned some things they would have NEVER learned any other way.  She really loved the boys and they still talk about Great-Grandma.  They are all grown up now and are very kind men and very attentive to their now aging Grandparents.  Our elders can teach us many many things if we allow them.  I had cared for my Grandfather and the last conversation we had was about my Grandmother.  I remember thinking at the time I hope someone loves me that much someday.  take care and try to be thankful that you have your MOM.   

My step-dad is 93yr and up until last spring was handling his own finances. I have since discovered that he has charged his credit cards with approx. $75,000 buying gold coins, various gifts & trinkets, magazine subscriptions to give away, etc. We are now at the point of making some decisions as to his living arrangements. He makes $3500/month in SS & pension, but his credit card payments are taking most of it. Because he has a decent income he doesn't qualify for any assistance that we know of. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm still learning about this topic. I have found that Medicaid is the major resource for most long term care needs. How it 'plays out' depends on the particular circumstances. What most of you are looking for is Medicaid's Long Term Care Programs. The financial qualifications are more generous than regular Medicaid which is based on poverty level income. The biggest differentiating feature is if your parent is married or single. The marital home is protected for the spouse and some of the ill spouses income is given to the stay at home "community" spouse. Round 1: Single 2 1/2 yrs ago, my domestic partner was in a skilled facility after a brain injury. Medicaid took all of his income except for $30. We were on the verge of loosing our home. I brought him home and cared for him myself. We tried the Community at Home Program (CAPS), but that wasn't much better financially. It still only left us with $271 mo to pay our bills. Round 2: Almost two yrs ago, we got married and I elected to start drawing early SS. Four weeks ago, M had another 'triggering event'. He collapsed, was hospitalized, and is once again in a skilled facility. It is unlikely that he will come home. We are applying for Medcaid Long Term care. As a married couple, I am learning that - unlike 2 1/2 yrs ago, Medicaid has special Spousal Protection Programs. The marital home is protected from medicaid liens. The stay at home Community Spouse gets a portion of the institutionalized spouse's income - for a combined income of up to $2,000 mo. (to pay the household bills and not loose the home). Medicaid allows the transfer of the title to the marital home to the stay at home spouse under this program. Should the ill spouse die first, the marital home will not be subject to probate or Medicaid liens. Medicaid hardship allowances, mean the surviving spouse stays in the home. Limits on marital assets are much more generous than regular Medicaid. Upon approval, the stay at home spouse's income is not counted. Of course, this is spousal protection. Adult children of a parent needing Long term nursing home care are not likely to receive an inheritance. Medicaid will - I believe, - be repaid when the Will is probated. But, if you are interested in your ailing parent receiving nursing home care, - it is available through Medicaid. Google 'Medicaid long Term care' for your particular State.

Here is URL for the VA Aid and Attendance Benefit for veterans and spouses: http://www.veteransfinancial.com/aid-attendance/index.html Here is URL for the VA Aid and Attendance Benefit BLOG/FAQ's: http://www.veteransfinancial.com/aid-attendance/index.html I applied for Mom in May 2005 and received first check (with $$ back to VA's receipt of application) in March 2006. The monthly $$ amount is reviewed yearly for cost of living increase. The most time-consuming thing is the yearly accounting to the VA. Example: You must list the total $$ for each retailer paid SEPARATELY. Example: Walmart $200, BJ's Wholesale $100, RiteAid $50, etc. Hope this helps regarding VA.

Check your state's regulations, but my grandmother placed her home in the names of all of her children, and they granted her free rent for the rest of her life. She survived more than 7 years from the transfer of property, which is the limit in CO for the Medicaid lien on the home, so her children did not have to repay Medicaid from the sale of the home after her death. Obviously, you cannot guarantee that the person will outlive the time limit for the lien, but it was a way to try to pass on some of her assets to her children. It is much easier to preserve assets for the spouse. She could not have any monitary assets above $2000 to qualify for Medicaid, but the value of the home did not count since she was "renting" the home she transferred to her children, unless she died before the seven year lien period. In CO if both spouses qualify for Medicaid, they can only have $1500 each in assets, not $2000 which is the limit for a single person. Every state has their own rules. In CO they can keep $50 a month for personal expenses, other states have less or more. This is not federally regulated, it is federally mandated and state regulated.

Take my advice and if you're planning to apply for veterans' benefits for your parent, get an advocate from the VA to help you, or maybe a lawyer. I spent hours and hours over several months trying to give the VA what they seemed to want and was rejected in the end for all kinds of absurd reasons, e.g., I didn't have his caregiver send in an accompanying statement on the caregiver's letterhead (!)--something they had of course never asked for. The VA does not want to give you money, and they make it nearly impossible for you to get it. My father fought in Word War II, is disabled, is running out of money, meets all the guidelines as far as I can tell--but there you have it. No help from the VA.

There are different types of Medicaid in NY. Regular Medicaid provides healthcare and other services for low income persons. But for those who are disabled or over 65 there are types of Medicaid where so long as your monthly income is less than the nursing home or home care bill, you may qualify. Community Medicaid - they will provide some home care, you may keep $787 a month of your income, there is no look back period for the transfer of assets and you entitled to keep alot of your resources (assets). For Institutional or Nursing Home Medicaid you may keep only $50 month of your income and you may not retain resources over $13800. There is a 3-5 year look back period for transfer of assets, but they allow you keep most of the equity in your home and a car. My father was in rehab, refused to do his physical therapy and Medicare cut him off so they moved him to long term care and we are now applying for Nursing Home Medicaid. His savings is over $13800 so we have to "spend down" but the money spent must be on certain things, otherwise it will count as a transfer of assets, and there will be a penalty or disqualification. Anyway, one allowable expenditure is to prepay the funeral in an Irrevocable Medicaid trust. So I just dropped a hefty sum at the funeral home today and we are almost down below $13800. I will probably just private pay the nursing home the remainder to get his account below that magic number and then he should be eligible for Medicaid, but they will take his pension and SS check each month.
Previous posts have mentioned contacting your local Dept of the aging which is a great idea but there are also tons of non-profit agencies that can help. Try googling the name of your town AND ELDERLY. Another thing you can do is call your local nursing home and explain you feel your parent should be in a nursing home but you can't pay for it. They want the business and they want to be paid so they will answer your questions. Also, as a previous post mentioned, try contacting a Medicaid planning attorney. Go to the free consultation then go home and research everything they tell you (the one I saw yesterday gave me outdated info.) Medicaid laws change constantly at least in NY. Good luck everyone!