'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by MFBJROE @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

MFBJROE — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:09:40 -0000

You are amazing! As the sole caregiver for my aunt, I would be extremely thankful to have as much assistance as you are currently giving. That being said, I do have a suggestion. You mentioned that your sister hates to cook. Maybe when you prepare a meal for your family you could prepare a duplicate for her family. Having some extra casseroles or meals frozen in her freezer would relieve her of a task that she dislikes having to do. That also would be easier than transporting your Mom and all of her equipment to your home for dinner more often. Other than that, if your sister will not open up and tell you other ways that you can be of assistance, I do not know what else you can do.

May God Bless you and your sister as you care for your Mom.

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by CA-Claire @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

CA-Claire — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:32:05 -0000

It sounds very much like you are giving your sister a good amount of respite. I spent 3 years caring for my husband after a stroke with only about 6 weeks total of respite over that time. A week here, a week there. Sounds like a communication channel needs to be opened between you and your sister. You cannot guess what she would prefer as a respite, you have to ask - or you could say 'If I did this (took Mom for a week this month), would this help you? Is there a week you would prefer that I do this?' It can be difficult to open a channel that has been clogged or closed for a while, but it is possible. Take Care!

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:33:51 -0000

Thanks so much all of you. It really helps to have someone say that I have been some help and your ideas on how to help more are good. Thanks so much. It really helps.

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by Homewatch Home Care @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Homewatch Home Care — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:57:33 -0000

It is obvious that you care very much about your sister and your mother's well-being. Consider simple ways to help out like going over to your sister's house to cook dinner. It's less "Transport" for mom and a way to let your sister relax in her own home. Also, consider things such as an adult day center where your mom could go one or two days per week or hiring a home care agency to have have someone come and help out for a few hours or days each week. Regardless of how much respite a person has, it is always difficult caring for a parent. One often feels guilty just for thinking that it is difficult or that they need more respite. Although, they shouldn't - it is natural to feel that way. Keep open lines of communication about this - recognize it's difficult. Sometimes it just helps to be able to say so and not feel judged.
- Michelle L. Homewatch Home Care of Minnesota

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by me again @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

me again — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:43:04 -0000

You are a great sister. I wish I had the help and concern that you give your sister. I don't know if she realize it but you are helping her tremendously. As a caregiver if I had the help of my sister I would suggest precooking meals and freeze them so I wouldn't have to come home every evening and cook. I would just take something out the freezer and heat it up. Spend a couple of hours on the weekend taking mom out if she wants or just be there with you mom so the caregiver can do whatever she wants. But most of all if you could sit down with your sister and ask her what is it she needs and want. Have a heart to heart talk with yours sister and let her know what you want and need this is your mom too eventhough your sister is the primary caregiver. I find sometimes my sibling want to help, think they are helping but it's not what I need from them. Again if your sister doesn't know it she is very blessed to have a sister like you. And if she doesn't say or feel it now you are appreciated. Your sister is very lucky to be able to go on vacations I can't tell you the last time I went on one and when I do have the chance to go I decline the invite because I'm not comfortable with the care my siblings give. You give your sister more thant enough respite but let her tell you what it is you need. Will she reply to emails?

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by JustDoIt @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

JustDoIt — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:08:03 -0000

I am an only child caring for my 93 year old mother. When I wanted to get away for 4 days to see my grandchildren, I posted an e-mail to 86 family members and friends asking for someone to cover 3 lunches with my mom. I had arranged for all other times/meals to be covered. I only received 2 responses. Your sister is very lucky to have you, indeed. Just keep doing what you do out of love for your mom.

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by AnnFudge @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

AnnFudge — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:34:08 -0000

I think that you are providing more than enough respite for your sister. Most caregivers do not get near that much. In fact, most actually get very little. I have no respite for my caring of a 69 yr. old gentleman with Parkinsons.

Your sister is blessed to have you!!

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by pattygrace @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

pattygrace — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:28:02 -0000

I would suggest that your sister offer you some respite...

'What type of periodic relief is needed for the caregiver?' posted by PTCruzr @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PTCruzr — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 06:55:41 -0000

Mom lives with my sister. My sister works full time and during the week I provide transportation for doctor appointments and hair appointments, shower, banking trips, grocery and drug store trips, etc. I also have mom over 1 night a week for dinner and provide my sister with relief when she goes on vacation. I prepare moms meals when my sister is unavailable and we have called on other family members to help over the weekends. However, I have a difficult time asking my sister what she needs because she is always busy and defensive when dealing with mom. So I wanted to ask opinions of people out there.
I don't mind having mom at my house although it is a lot of moving when she comes. She uses a breathing machine, has her own computer and computer chair, tv, and her own groceries but I would rather have her here than have to stay overnight at my sisters and not be at home. ( I wish I could afford to buy her duplicates of these items but I am on a fixed income) Mom is in pretty good health although she also needs a walker and wheelchair when she visits for any length of time. But so far, we have done all of this for my sister's vacations of a weeks duration or more.
My sister was gone every weekend this summer (10 weekends total) and almost 3 weeks vacation so she goes often and I know it is hard for her to have mom 24/7 so I would like to know what other type of relief I could provide her.
I read many of the letters posted on this site and believe that many caregivers would love to have as much time away as my sister gets so I think we are trying but I would love to hear your thoughts. Is one week a month too much or too little? Should I have mom for dinner more often (as my sister works and hates to cook)? Split weekends? Any ideas? I know you all have opinions so please tell me. I really want to know. There are only 2 of us and I can't afford to get my sister mad at me. I don't have any other immediate family. I have already texted my sister to ask if she would like me to go to moms a couple of times every week to fix her breakfast and/or lunch. But she didn't answer.
My sister and myself are 52 and 58 and the other helper we have is 62.

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