My friend is struggling with letting his very strong-willed mom continue to make her own decisions, even though she is a real danger to herself.
Physical paralysis is slowly but steadily taking over - she can barely walk or use her hands. She lives alone, won't let in anyone except her two sons and granddaughter, and locks the doors from the inside. She falls regularly at this point, several times a week, and she can barely use her hands. On at least one occassion when she fell, she phoned him but he couldn't get in to help her because of the dead bolt.
Everyone - including her - agree that she is way beyond the point of being able to live alone safely (even in assisted living), but she refuses to consent to move. She is definitely at the stage of needing nursing home care, but one possibility might be to get her to move to an assisted living apartment connected with a good nursing home.
Since she has always been so strong-willed, the role-reversal necessary for her sons to become caretakers is very difficult for both them and her. I know a bunch of you have dealt with this situation. What are his options? Thanks for any input.
Sometimes, No decision is a decision. Your picture tells the story.
An idea; Be honest, tell her what you are doing each step of the way. If she yells and throws a fit, just ignore it, well, let her vent get it off her chest and then do what needs to be done , Give her choices and power as long as she IS Moving forward, If she refuses to make a decision, it is yours to make, by HER choice! Her indecision is the answer. Keep her posted along the way, being very upfront about what is going on. Find a suitable place for her to live, start packing her things, get it done. A support network, almost an 'intervention team' will be essencial, The more organized, planned, visioned by the group the easier it will be to create an atmoshere of peaceful mobility. Just move. Quietly, kindly, keep moving forward with plans, telling her what is happening along the way. Everyone wants whats best, what needs to be done.Everyone is waiting for Someone to do It. Seems paralisis is not just in her body, understandable this is a huge step. Beating up on each other is allowed in 30 second segments only!
Dealing with the illness is more emotionally draining than we want to admitt. When we can get our thoughts organized and create a plan a Vision. it can become an opportunity to grow together. Share your own fears, feelings and frustration, AND calmly keep moving towards the goal. It may even be a good thing to get someone outside the family yet connected to help facilitate the agenda, the goal.
Good luck and keep us / me posted, Support I am finding is the most amazing tool we have.. Thank you !
Very good response, kjw!
I have a few more thoughts to add. It sounds like your friend's mom really values her independence and ability to do things for herself. How open would she be to getting a motorized wheelchair or other equipment that would aid in her mobility? I dont' mean to suggest something like that would allow her to continue living alone. Though mobility aids may make the difference between assisted living (which has more independence) and a nursing home.
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